So upset, not sure what to do

[Moonstarssunsky]

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

I would have done the same as you OP, if I saw a malnourished unneutered cat I would assume it's a stray and feed it, while making efforts to try to find an owner.

If the owner was worried about the cat roaming away from home, he would have had it neutered as a kitten, as unneutered males roam. He would also have had it chipped.

If the cat is still unneutered, there is no way in the world he will keep it indoors - it will spray and be very vocal about wanting to get out. Will he now go to the bother and expense of neutering/chipping when he hadn't previously? Will he in any case want the bother of keeping it in, and dealing with the unpleasantness and expense of litter trays? That may all be a lot of bluster and the cat may soon be roaming again.

OP for months you were unable to get near the cat, despite feeding him. His owner managed to pick him up. Yes, the cat was struggling but even cats that like cuddles will often struggle when carried. So the cat does know him and likes him well enough to be picked up by him.

I wouldn't worry too much. IME cats that don't want to stay in find ways to get out. And as PP said, he may well have been thin because he had strayed and was lost. Just see what happens. He might be back to yours - but if so, I'd go and have a calm conversation with his owner and see what happens. Maybe there are also other reasons why he was thin, maybe he needs medicating. Talk to the owner and you might be able to reach an agreement, when things have calmed down.

I think you’ve had a very tough time on here OP.
I would feel the same as you. I’d be concerned about his welfare. Poor thing.

Wow!! He's not your cat!

All cats are notoriously greedy & often find “second” homes; but you can’t expect someone to hand over their pet just because you’ve been stupid enough to feed it!! If you want another cat go to tge cat shelter & adopt your own; and stop feeding what you perceive to be as a stray!!!

He might be back to yours - but if so, I'd go and have a calm conversation with his owner and see what happens.

Or just don't feed him/coax him in again @Moonstarssunsky . Let him trundle back to his home.

I fed two cats that weren't mine. They weren't strays, I knew exactly where they lived, but once they were past the cute kitten stage they were absolutely neglected. One, a long-hair, had clumps of matted fur, was very thin and I saw him eating mouldy food out of bins. The other caught cat flu and when, after a week, there was no sign of improvement I carried him back to his home, the children said it was their cat, got their mum and she denied he was anything to do with them. So I took him to the vet, bathed him, have him medication for a week.

Not long after they moved, took the cat who'd had cat flu with them, abandoned the long-haired cat, who moved in with us and never had a problem with matted fur again when he was actually being looked after.

Yeah, I think that's been established.

@Moonstarssunsky

not your cat op - it’s his

hth

You don't know it was starving though! My cat is very lean because she's on a specific diet for her kidneys. You should never feed a cat you don't know because you could make it ill!

Sorry no idea how to link but I was sure I'd heard something recently - quick Google gave me this from Cats Protection League

"While microchipping your cat isn't compulsory at the moment, the Government's announcement on 13 March 2023 means that all pet cats in England must be microchipped by 10 June 2024 and you will be given 21 days to get your cat chipped or face a fine of up to £500 if you don't comply"

Cats can get skinny very quickly - and my cat has been silly enough to get herself locked in a shed over a long weekend at the end of which she looked a right state. Doesnt mean I dont look after and care for her.

This is my favourite Mumsnet reply ever.

I'd have been more impressed if a significant amount of time had passed though!

1 - lots of cats are small and skinny, doesn't mean they're malnourished. I have a 6yo cat who's not grown since she was five months - she's absolutely fine and perfectly healthy.

2 - no. Cats roam and end up in all sorts of places - they also return to where they're able to get fed. Doesn't mean they're unhappy or being badly treated.

3 - that's opinion, not fact. Cats all over the world live indoors with no issues.

4 - and? It's not OP's cat, so it's nothing to do with her how it's kept. If it's owner wants to keep it indoors, that's his decision.

Lost cats starve in plain sight because people think their interfering.

Tom started to put weight on after being fed regularly. He isn't fat, just a normal healthy weight now. If he was supposed to be a skinny build he would've stayed the same weight surely.

Yeah cos he started getting fed double! If he's a naturally skinny cat that's now eating twice as much a day, of course he's going to put weight on.

One of my cats is a skinny wee thing and constantly looks scruffy. He's also a spoiled prince who eats plenty, gets brushed when he'll allow it and is currently watching his favourite YouTube video. If someone kept feeding him up and tried to steal him because he was skinny, I'd lose my shit.

Leave their cat alone.

That's not the case with OP. She thought the cat looked too thin so fed him until he stopped going home. That's not OK.

Point 4
So she should turn a blind eye eh? Thank heavens not everyone (including the RSPCA and numerous other animal charities) thinks like you.

this

those saying that ownership doesn't trump welfare, are ignoring the fact that there are proper channels to follow... of course if you follow proper channels you will most likely be told to leave the cat alone, so that wouldn't be an option for anyone with an agenda.

Besides that, if you're not prepared to touch it, pick it up or take it to a vets then how are you supposed to properly look after it.. it's bonkers!

This happened to us, when I moved in with my partner he had a 15 year old cat that he'd had since she was a kitten, she never liked to come indoors and wanted to sleep outdoors on the drive across the road in the sun or in our garage, not sure why but she was healthy and happy, he'd feed her and she'd come for fuss but just wouldn't stay inside. A woman from around the corner started asking if she could have her, (assuming we didn't want her I suppose?) every other bloody week she'd be round knocking on the door, and she was always told no, then one day we were told by a neighbour that she had been chasing her round the garden with a cat carrier while we were at work trying to take her, so we brought her inside and she was an indoor cat from that day on, in fairness she was getting on in age and did settle into it eventually, and lived until she was 19.

I know that's a slightly different situation from the OP, as our cat never voluntarily went to who we now call 'crazy cat lady' in the first place, but the sentiment is the same, you can't just take ownership of an animal that isn't yours because you feel like it. There's so many animals that need homes, why do this??!

Are you insane?
You can’t just start feeding some random cat and then claim it as your own.
The cat clearly has a loving home and an owner bothered enough to come and find him.
Please do not feed this cat again. Christ.

1. The cat may have got confused and lost.

1. It wasn't bad of you to feed a cat you were worried about

1. The cat clearly has an owner who loves and cares about it.

1. He's not wrong to be annoyed that you were trying to keep his cat After he had claimed it

1. It's bonkers to be annoyed you didn't physically wrestle the cat from their arms

1. It was also bonkers to turn up at their house.

1. Get yourself a new cat and move on

1. Some cats have medical conditions that don't mean they're not loved. If my cat does not regularly eat his specially prescribed food, he would look straggly and stray and maybe get lost and confused.

I don't think cat ownership, particularly an unchipped animal, is as clear as people make out.

My family's all-time best cat when I was growing up came into my mum's workplace as a kitten, we had her over twenty years and moved countries with her during the course of that.

We also lost a cat that way. She buggered off and a few years later there she was in a house a few blocks away. She was happy, settled and much-loved, we didn't demand her back.

Someone deciding to keep their cat indoors isn't a reason to call the RSPCA, for goodness sake. They wouldn't be remotely interested.

If OP genuinely felt the cat was neglected, she had months to call for professional help, but she didn't bother.