So upset, not sure what to do

[Moonstarssunsky]

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

He was LOST. The owner told you they hadn't seen him for months. So what happened is he was lost and not being fed. You started feeding him. Then spent weeks coaxing him into your house. Giving him a name and sleeping with him in your bed.

Owners thought he was gone for good because he'd been missing for so long. Saw him in the street, picked him up to take him home and you rushed out wanting to snatch him out of their arms. They let slip where they lived which you said was so far down a long road that you hadn't made it down there to post flyers asking if anyone had lost a cat. You asked to keep the cat and they said no.

Then you went to their house asking again to keep the cat.

Then you created this bizarre narrative in your head that the cat had left home because he was being neglected and unhappy and that he picked you to move in with. And that you know what he's thinking, what he wants and how to make him happy and have imagined he's miserable in his home wanting to be with you.

How can you not see how weird that is? It was a nice thing you did to feed him when you thought he was a stray. But he wasn't, he was lost. He's now found and back with his owners. That should have been the end of it.

Not this bizarre story you've created in your head about you being the one the cat picked and you're the only one who understands his wants and can make him happy. It's so, so strange and I think it coinciding with the death of your own cat is probably playing a part .

I manly posted in the blocks of houses circling my home, these were the areas I saw Tom going off into gardens.
I did post down the road too, either side, but imagine there's dozens of houses on the road itself. I didn't post right up to where Tom came from. I had to stop somewhere surely.
I did however put posts on social media. No one answered them

OP, this is a pretty good summary of how the whole thing appears to the vast majority of posters on here. You think people are getting at you, and some have called you names, but mostly it’s just people marvelling at strange behaviour and wondering why you can’t see it. The timing with your cat’s death is likely no coincidence.

OMG

Have you read the thread?
I actually think you're trying to deliberately goad by saying that the cat was lost.
A cat isn't LOST when it comes from down the road!

I'm amazed at all of you posters reiterating this time and time again.
For the last time . He was not LOST.

FFS

Even the fact that OP keeps coming back is not particularly healthy, but she seems to have a victim complex. Apparently most posters are utterly vile, cold and heartless people who she'd hate to know in real life - yet she keeps coming back! She's not going to pay any attention to what they say - but she's been responding all morning. Just let it alone, OP.

As for the cat, I'd actually go back or write then a note and say that you're sorry for challenging them, you just got very attached to their cat after losing your own recently. Leave things on a pleasant note and make it clear that you're not going to try to lure the cat away, so that there's no need for him to become an indoor cat.

As far as his owners were concerned. He was lost. Whether that was because he was shut in a shed, or because he was a horny AF tomcat stalking the streets and being fed by random people, to them, he was lost.

You’re losing it over semantics.

I'll tell you what is 'strange behaviour'

'Strange behaviour' is going onto a thread where it's clear that someone has tried to do the right thing, and insult, degrade, name call, and generally be extremely nasty to said person.
In fact, it's not just strange, it's disgusting.

You're the goady one here.

Cats don't need to wander far to get themselves lost and disorientated, especially if they're young and haven't been going out for long. As I've said several times (though you conveniently keep ignoring it) two of mine have wandered and both have been found within 3-4 houses of home - one in next doors (open) garage and one in a garden a few houses away.

It doesn't take much - especially if the place they've wandered to is offering them food and shelter

It's not about 'semantics'
The owner could've thought he was lost, yes I agree. But the cat would've known he wasn't lost.
That's the thing. The cat CHOSE not to be with his owners.

Please don't reply with 'hoe do you know the cat knew he wasn't lost?' or something daft like that.
I can't get through to some people so there's no point in me trying.

@Moonstarssunsky for gods sake. turn off commenting now… you’ve got enough opinions and advice.
You’ve now just got a lot of nasty people who won’t let it drop despite you saying you won’t let him in again if you see him!

Please go and get yourself another cat, you’ve got lots of love to give a cat currently sat in a shelter.

As I suggested before, drop a letter round Toms owners apologising, just simply say that you’re sorry for confronting him when he picked up the cat, but you genuinely assumed he was a stray, now you know better and they have your word that Tom won’t be in your house again… I’m sure they’ll let him back out.

Maybe they’re keeping him in for a couple of weeks like people do when they move. We had to do this with a cat we had as it disappeared for weeks and we suspected someone had been feeding her. Also with summer approaching the owners will soon let him back out as they won’t want to keep windows and doors shut 24/7. Hopefully he’ll pop by your garden for a fuss and then move on.
Hopefully they’ve had him neutered now too. I do find it irresponsible not to neuter cats, we have a house on our road that had several un neutered cats, the females were constantly pregnant and the.males looked dreadful from all the fighting and roaming… it ended up that the cats were all interbreeding in that house and becoming more and more feral, The males got taken to vets and despite advertising they had them were never reclaimed… local families adopted some, and some cruel bugger poisoned several…. One was dying on their front drive and they just stood there watching until a neighbour insisted they take it to a vet!
And yet the family claim to be cat people… thankfully they seem to only have one or two now and they don’t appear to ever be pregnant so hopefully they’ve learnt a lesson and had them neutered.
Sadly not all pets are loved and looked after. Hopefully Tom is and you’ll soon see him running around the estate again x

Goodluck. I do hope you remove this thread or turn off commenting and move on with your life

People are getting irritated because you're so hyperbolic. Everyone's "disgusting", you did everything right, it's all so unfair, everyone is mean and heartless and cruel... Let's bring out the world's smallest violin 😂

No, that's the idea that you've come up with. Because it fits with your love story that this cat left home because he was unhappy and picked you because you're the only one who understands him.

You keep insisting he wasn't lost but that's just what you want to think. Because you want to think he was destined to be your cat or something.

"I made Tom happy, I know that" "I lost him a few days ago" (to his owners!) Do you not see how creepy it is that you say things like that? You're not star crossed lovers, it's a cat that you wanted to be yours and got attached to and now you're understandably upset that he's gone home. But coming up with this strange idea that he chose you and his owners "should respect his wishes" is weird as hell.

Your 'relationship' with this cat is an unhealthy one.

That's the thing. The cat CHOSE not to be with his owners.

Ok I’m out. I was trying to be kind and explain things but it’s pointless.

You obviously think it’s the tragic tail of Tomeo and Juliet. Starcrossed lovers, kept apart by cruel families.

Maybe it's time to step away from this thread op, and put your energy into rescuing a cat of your own from the shelter?

I think you're still grieving over the loss of your own cat and your emotions are all over the place. You say you're not obsessed with this cat, but you keep going round in circles arguing with others who have tried to tell you to let go, isn't healthy behaviour.

Honestly, it must be gutting to "lose" someone you've invested time in, but they were not yours to lose to start with, and you need to move on

Perhaps look for cat to adopt and you can post about that in Litter Tray, they're very helpful over there.

I can't get through to some people so there's no point in me trying.

Oh the irony 😂😂

I've seen the cat previously (when I've driven by in the past) literally on a little green near his home.
He could've easily gone into the house.
I might've presumed he did visit the house when he was with us, if, when I realised he had an owner, the owner didn't say they hadn't seen him for so long.

Because the owner said this, I assume the cat didn't even go into the house for a visit.

I've seen the cat previously (when I've driven by in the past) literally on a little green near his home.

If you had previously seen the cat on a little green near this particular house, why on earth didn't you leaflet down that end of the street? Wouldn't that have been the obvious place to start?

Because she was attached and she didn't really want to find his owners.

I'd already done it down that area in the past. This was way before I saw the cat around there.

If I didn't want to find a possible owner, I'd have not bothered in the first place trying to look for one.

You're contradicting yourself. That's not what you said before.

Seriously, just give it up, leave it - leave this thread, write that note to the owners and move on from this cat. Go to the rescue and adopt yourself a new cat who you can enjoy without all this angst!

What a very sick response.

Sorry, I'm so confused! You've said throughout the thread that you didn't post leaflets as far down as the owner's house, and now you are saying you did? If anything, that strengthens your argument the family did nothing to find him.

An unneutered tom cat is going to be tricky to keep in I suspect...but he's not yours. I would go to a shelter and adopt your own if your missing having a cat around though, so many looking for homes

I'm not contradicting myself at all.
I'll leave this thread when I decide to also, thanks for the advice.