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Original poster

So upset, not sure what to do

717 replies

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:04

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

OP posts:
Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 20/03/2023 17:59

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:56

Thank you. I agree with you.

Seems it's not about the welfare and the happiness of the cat, it's all about who 'has a claim to it first'

Show quote history

But…it’s their cat?!

Why didn’t you put a paper collar on it?

Ratataty · 20/03/2023 17:59

I hate people who 'kindly feed visiting cats'. You know nothing about their background and just assume things as it suits you. A paper collar would have been the correct and responsible thing to do, not to try a steal someone's pet because you believe you are the better cat owner.
If you want a cat, there are many in rescues where they genuinely are homeless, and where any medical issues will be told to you.

ImAvingOops · 20/03/2023 18:00

@ElonsMusky , I wouldn't be getting on our case about government interference in people's lives - in the US you can't even decide whether to continue a pregnancy without the government's say so!

ichundich · 20/03/2023 18:01

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:04

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

I'd charge the for the food that you've been buying for their cat. You should really have neutered him sooner though. Unneutered males can really terrorise a neighbourhood. We have one in our area and had to spent over £100 in vet fees recently because he had attacked our cat.

momtoboys · 20/03/2023 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

😂😂😂

Pressuretoohigh · 20/03/2023 18:02

WinterDeWinter · 20/03/2023 17:45

I find it really weird that posters think property ownership trumps animal welfare.

  1. the property cat was malnourished
  2. the cat was unhappy or would have stayed where he was
  3. 'indoor cats' are cats who aren't allowed to exercise their natural instincts
  4. Worse, this cat has been free to roam but will now be imprisoned so that the 'owners' can maintain their property rights

Completely agree with this

Silvers11 · 20/03/2023 18:02

I'm so sorry that you are upset that it appears the Cat's owner has found him and taken him back to his home - but it does sound like he is the Man's cat from what you said. What you should have done before you started feeding him way back, when you still had your other cat, was put a paper collar on him asking his owner's to get in touch and you might have found out then.

You couldn't get him into a cat carrier, or pick him up - so presumably he's a cat that doesn't like being handled, so not that odd that he was struggling in the owner's arms. Lots of cats don't like that

The fact he isn't neutered and was very thin doesn't sound very good though - if you are worried, you could contact RSPCA and tell them your story and see if they will go and do a welfare check on the animals in the house?

Also, I agree with pp. DO NOT feed a cat which comes around or they will still keep coming back - even if they have a loving and comfortable home.

TomatoSandwiches · 20/03/2023 18:03

If you are concerned then wait a month and Phone the RSPCA, you have his house number so should be easy.

I'm sorry you lost your own little friend, I think the situation with Tom has helped distract you a bit and find some cat caring related purpose to help you, perhaps that's why he was around and now it's time for him to be more appreciated by his owners.

Would you be ready to look for another cat or perhaps fostering?

3luckystars · 20/03/2023 18:04

would you consider getting yourself a new cat?

Yirk · 20/03/2023 18:04

Maybe appeal to his better nature again and offer money?
You obviously have bonded with Tom.

Glitteratitar · 20/03/2023 18:06

Not sure what to do?

I don’t know, how about stop trying to keep and then steal a cat that doesn’t belong to you? 🤷🏻‍♀️

ElonsMusky · 20/03/2023 18:06

drpet49 · 20/03/2023 17:48

@ElonsMusky it is illegal not to chip your dog, but you already knew that.

Show quote history

I don't live in your overbearing country sweetie.

GettingThereCharleyBear · 20/03/2023 18:07

Our cat was really fat when we got it, we worked bloody hard to get her to lose weight and now some other fucker is feeding her up again 🤬.

Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 18:12

Glitteratitar · 20/03/2023 18:06

Not sure what to do?

I don’t know, how about stop trying to keep and then steal a cat that doesn’t belong to you? 🤷🏻‍♀️

How many times must I explain?

I didn't try to steal anyone's cat. I fed a cat who was clearly starving. I couldn't get it in a carrier. So am I just supposed to ignore a cat that is malnourished on the off chance it may indeed belong to someone?
If he looked well fed I wouldn't have.

OP posts:
OdeToAutumn · 20/03/2023 18:15

WinterDeWinter · 20/03/2023 17:45

I find it really weird that posters think property ownership trumps animal welfare.

  1. the property cat was malnourished
  2. the cat was unhappy or would have stayed where he was
  3. 'indoor cats' are cats who aren't allowed to exercise their natural instincts
  4. Worse, this cat has been free to roam but will now be imprisoned so that the 'owners' can maintain their property rights

I would agree normally, but who says the cat was actually malnourished or unhappy?

we have a rescue cat who has always been very small. That’s just his build. He eats a lot at home. He will also eat whatever is given to him. He will definitely revisit houses that feed him.

He’s very well looked after at home, is given lots of food, but as he’s small he looks like a stray. He’s been mistaken for a stray twice (won’t keep collar on) and one time taken to the vets and the people that took him in were surprised he was chipped.

They also thought he was hungry as he was eating the food they gave and didn’t have a home as he was returning (due to the food!!)

Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 18:16

Just to say then, to everyone who believes I shouldn't have fed the cat, do you realize that many people feed stray cats? , do you call them all cat thieves?

And to reiterate .... I believed he was a stray because of his condition.

OP posts:
derbylass81 · 20/03/2023 18:18

The usual MN pile on, I see 🙄

An unneutered Tom is generally a stray or the product of an irresponsible owner.

OP, you acted in good faith. Unfortunately it does appear he belongs to this guy.

I doubt they will keep him in though; it's not easy to keep a cat in who wants to go out.

He might come back. Doesn't sound like he likes it there.

cruisebaba1 · 20/03/2023 18:18

coffeecookie · 20/03/2023 17:22

My neighbour did this to me.

Cat was not a stray and was skinny but well looked after- was skinny due to being fussy eater.

Back off, you should not be feeding other people's cats!

This! Get a grip fgs.

Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 18:19

OdeToAutumn · 20/03/2023 18:15

I would agree normally, but who says the cat was actually malnourished or unhappy?

we have a rescue cat who has always been very small. That’s just his build. He eats a lot at home. He will also eat whatever is given to him. He will definitely revisit houses that feed him.

He’s very well looked after at home, is given lots of food, but as he’s small he looks like a stray. He’s been mistaken for a stray twice (won’t keep collar on) and one time taken to the vets and the people that took him in were surprised he was chipped.

They also thought he was hungry as he was eating the food they gave and didn’t have a home as he was returning (due to the food!!)

Show quote history

The thing is, Tom started to put weight on after being fed regularly. He isn't fat, just a normal healthy weight now
If he was supposed to be a skinny build he would've stayed the same weight surely.

OP posts:
Inkblue · 20/03/2023 18:19

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 18:16

Just to say then, to everyone who believes I shouldn't have fed the cat, do you realize that many people feed stray cats? , do you call them all cat thieves?

And to reiterate .... I believed he was a stray because of his condition.

He wasn’t a stray though. He may have wandered and then stayed with you for food but he had an owner. I have neighbours who have been ‘feeding a stray’ that turns out to have an owner who has been looking for him. Of the course the cat is hanging round for food.

MrsDoylesDoily · 20/03/2023 18:21

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 18:16

Just to say then, to everyone who believes I shouldn't have fed the cat, do you realize that many people feed stray cats? , do you call them all cat thieves?

And to reiterate .... I believed he was a stray because of his condition.

No, I call them stupid people.

If you believe a cat is really a stray or is malnourished, ring a cat charity to come and take a look.

It's literally what they do every day.

Colourfingers2 · 20/03/2023 18:23

That probably wasn’t their cat either so that guy has just basically stolen a stolen or stray cat.

Original poster
Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 18:24

derbylass81 · 20/03/2023 18:18

The usual MN pile on, I see 🙄

An unneutered Tom is generally a stray or the product of an irresponsible owner.

OP, you acted in good faith. Unfortunately it does appear he belongs to this guy.

I doubt they will keep him in though; it's not easy to keep a cat in who wants to go out.

He might come back. Doesn't sound like he likes it there.

Thanks
I did act on good faith, although now I'm concerned
they'll ensire the cat doesn't manage to get out, even if he's stressed.

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 20/03/2023 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I get it, but to be fair, the OP is concerned that the cat has been mistreated, so it doesn’t appear to be out of selfishness, but a suspicion that it’s been/being mistreated. It’s also quite cruel to keep a cat indoors if it’s used to being outside, so there is cause for concern I think.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 20/03/2023 18:25

In the nicest way, you shouldn’t have done this. You don’t know that the family of the cat haven’t been crying for weeks as he disappeared. They may have just moved in and he wandered off, and his owner then found him.

if he wasn’t wanted, presumably the family wouldn’t have gone to these lengths to take him back.

Get yourself to Cats Protection and adopt a cat that has gone through vigorous identification and a full health check and treatment, one that’s already chipped and neutered, and really does need a forever home and doesn’t already have one.