DSS Brought random girl home

HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN · 2023-03-19T08:26:40+00:00

DSS 17 is away college Come home for the weekend as usual and went out drinking. At 2.30 made an almighty racket coming in drunk which woke us up After 15 minutes we could hear him having sex. He'd brought a girl home. After 30 minutes of this they came out of the room to the bathroom next to my bedroom giggling. By now I was bloody annoyed so I jumped out of bed and went out of the room. He's in his boxers she's naked going into the bathroom. I told him to keep it down and that they were taking the piss. He apologised and said they were going to bed. I said I've heard you "being in bed" for the last half an hour. We have no idea who this girl is. AIBU to be cheesed off. I found it massively disrespectful, not only did they wake us up which happens a lot when he goes out but to bring a strange girl home and have noisy sex then walk around undressed outside our room. What if DH had gone to speak to them. My DD was in bed in the room next to them too. Is this acceptable for teenage boys?

gogohmm · 19/03/2023 08:36

It's not particularly respectful but hardly unsurprising - too much ti drink and young full of hormones. Also you may not know her but he may have met her before.

I had a deal going with my DD's, if you bring someone home, romantically or a friend, you are to text my phone to tell me there's an extra person in my house. No judgement just a warning - especially when I was on my own before I moved in with dp. Same rules apply to dsd. Basic respect. We accept fully they will have sex etc, that's not an issue, thankfully I have an en suite and the kid's rooms are on another floor, with its own bathroom!

TheScreams · 19/03/2023 08:40

If you’re happy for him to go out underage drinking until 2am then it’s hardly surprising the behaviour that goes with it. Yes, most teens drink underage but most parents don’t encourage it, especially not until that time or every week. He was disrespectful but it’s not surprising really. Drunk people and children don’t tend to have the best awareness of how loud they’re being - combine those two things and I’m not surprised they were loud without realising it.

LadyHaHaHeeHaw · 19/03/2023 08:41

Not ideal, but we always make sure we are up in the morning whilst they both do the walk of shame.
You won't stop it unless you lock him out so you may as well get some amusement out of it
Put a lock on your daughters door though

Original poster

HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN · 19/03/2023 08:55

I totally get teenagers will have sex. I too was one some time ago.
It's the total disregard for anyone else that's annoyed me. We've all had sex in a boyfriends house but you make damn sure you're quiet and you certainly don't walk around naked and stand giggling on the landing. At 6.15 I heard them go downstairs and she left I think.
The drinking thing is infrequent thankfully but coming home in the early hours isn't. He's almost 18 so I can't say or do anything about that. I'd be a hypocrite if I did.

I have a busy day doing Mother's Day cooking for 7 people today and I'm exhausted from the night's activities and not in a very good mood. I didn't get back to sleep until about 5 and only then until they got up again.

OP posts:

BumpySkull · 19/03/2023 09:00

Ah, it’s going to be one of those threads where the OP isn’t getting the responses she wants so changes the story to garner more support. Cool.

In the OP: Come home for the weekend as usual and went out drinking
The comments: Not surprising behaviour when you let him out drinking every weekend.
In the drip feed: The drinking thing is infrequent thankfully

Is it “as usual” or “infrequent”? 🙄

LadyHaHaHeeHaw · 19/03/2023 09:01

Get him to do the donkey work @HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN
I hope your day gets better, people always assume the baby years are the hardest

Original poster

HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN · 19/03/2023 09:02

BumpySkull · 19/03/2023 09:00

Ah, it’s going to be one of those threads where the OP isn’t getting the responses she wants so changes the story to garner more support. Cool.

In the OP: Come home for the weekend as usual and went out drinking
The comments: Not surprising behaviour when you let him out drinking every weekend.
In the drip feed: The drinking thing is infrequent thankfully

Is it “as usual” or “infrequent”? 🙄

He comes home every weekend and stays out late. The drinking is infrequent.

OP posts:

Chubbernut · 19/03/2023 09:05

HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN · 19/03/2023 09:02

He comes home every weekend and stays out late. The drinking is infrequent.

Show quote history

That not what you said in your OP though. You said he goes out drinking.

Anoisagusaris · 19/03/2023 09:09

Some of you can’t read! OP said he came home for the weekend as usual. And went drinking. Coming home for the weekend is the ‘as usual’ bit, not the drinking.

laviniapurpletips · 19/03/2023 09:10

Totally read this as came home for the weekend as usual AND went out drinking. Meaning the coming home for weekend was the usual part but not the drinking.

It's becoming a minefield for anyone considering posting a new thread on here.

Anoisagusaris · 19/03/2023 09:10

I think it’s sad that 17 years are having sex with strangers/random people they meet on a night out. I don’t care if people think that’s an old fashioned view.

laviniapurpletips · 19/03/2023 09:11

Snap @Anoisagusaris.

Workinghardeveryday · 19/03/2023 09:12

Op I am with you on this.

I don’t want any random strangers sleeping in my home, and I certainly don’t want to hear them having sex!!

You have been understanding and patient with him going out and coming back late drunk or otherwise.

I have a 17 year old dd and I would feel exactly the same. I would be fuming if she did that wether she is male or female.

and I don’t get the pp over splitting hairs if he was drinking or not, he is 17 ffs, we all got pissed at that age. That is completely different to bringing home a one night stand

MrsSquirrel · 19/03/2023 09:12

When he is sober, you need to sit down together and have an adult discussion. Agree some rules, always let parents know in advance about overnight guests.

JassyRadlett · 19/03/2023 09:13

BumpySkull · 19/03/2023 09:00

Ah, it’s going to be one of those threads where the OP isn’t getting the responses she wants so changes the story to garner more support. Cool.

In the OP: Come home for the weekend as usual and went out drinking
The comments: Not surprising behaviour when you let him out drinking every weekend.
In the drip feed: The drinking thing is infrequent thankfully

Is it “as usual” or “infrequent”? 🙄

I think you need to learn how conjunctions work.

Ihatethenewlook · 19/03/2023 09:14

TheScreams · 19/03/2023 08:40

If you’re happy for him to go out underage drinking until 2am then it’s hardly surprising the behaviour that goes with it. Yes, most teens drink underage but most parents don’t encourage it, especially not until that time or every week. He was disrespectful but it’s not surprising really. Drunk people and children don’t tend to have the best awareness of how loud they’re being - combine those two things and I’m not surprised they were loud without realising it.

This. He’s still a child. There’s clearly been such a total lack of boundaries during his upbringing that he finds such disrespectful and disgusting behaviour funny. And the op apparently thinks it’s normal. So not sure what she’s complaining about tbh.

Sickofcoughing · 19/03/2023 09:15

I would read him the riot act then get him up and doing lots of housework in his hungover state. He woke you up then had a naked person wandering about. Now you're exhausted on Mother's Day.

Yes we may have done it but we wouldn't have had our parents' blessing. And kids are so molly coddled these days being driven everywhere etc; they can't have it both ways.

Adrelaxzz · 19/03/2023 09:18

He's nearly an adult. There is little anyone can do you stop them drinking.
OP he is being thoughtless. I was that sort of teen and my parents would quite rightly have been pissed off. Especially the being woken up by sex noises no one wants to hear that!

Workinghardeveryday · 19/03/2023 09:18

Ihatethenewlook · 19/03/2023 09:14

This. He’s still a child. There’s clearly been such a total lack of boundaries during his upbringing that he finds such disrespectful and disgusting behaviour funny. And the op apparently thinks it’s normal. So not sure what she’s complaining about tbh.

Show quote history

Oh please! Don’t be ridiculous!!

You clearly didn’t do anything fun when you were growing up did you? Sorry to hear that.

Newsflash - a lot of 17 year old do go out and socialise in the pub while having fun.

The op isn’t a bad parent, she is a good one for understanding this.

I went to the pub when I was a teenager, had a great time, very happy memories of my teenage years actually.

Him going out and getting pissed isn’t the issue, it’s the strange girl in his bed and his lack of boundaries over this.

Original poster

HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN · 19/03/2023 09:19

Anoisagusaris · 19/03/2023 09:09

Some of you can’t read! OP said he came home for the weekend as usual. And went drinking. Coming home for the weekend is the ‘as usual’ bit, not the drinking.

Thank you. I was starting to doubt myself for a second

OP posts:

Beautiful3 · 19/03/2023 09:22

I think that's incredibly disrespectful. I'd tell him to stop or move out.

LadyHaHaHeeHaw · 19/03/2023 09:23

Your post was quite clear @HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN , some posters are just out for an argument as usual

LakieLady · 19/03/2023 09:24

Anoisagusaris · 19/03/2023 09:10

I think it’s sad that 17 years are having sex with strangers/random people they meet on a night out. I don’t care if people think that’s an old fashioned view.

The girl may not have been a stranger to OP's DS though, just because the OP doesn't know her. When I was that age, my DPs only knew my closest friends, they had no idea who else I was friends with.

This is especially true in a small town like mine, where most kids go to the same secondary school. When my friend had a stern word with her then 18YO about bringing home a "random" girl, he quickly pointed out that they'd known each other since they were 11.

Original poster

HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN · 19/03/2023 09:26

We will be having a conversation when he gets up. I just wanted to be sure is wasn't being a boring old fart about it.
I don't want naked teenagers outside my bedroom, I'd already made it obvious someone was awake so common sense should have told them they'd woken us up and not to walk around in that state.
DH would have had a heart attack if he'd seen her.

OP posts:

Whiteroomjoy · 19/03/2023 09:33

I’d be blowing my head off at PARENTS of DSs. It’s not OPs job to parent this lad unless that’s been agreed by his own parents and he’s going to respond to her parenting. Otherwise she’ll be the bad cop here

id be giving DH clear boundaries that I do not want strangers turning up at my house during the night that I don’t know. Doesn’t matter if girls, boys or a dog. It is totally unacceptable. What if it’s someone who is light fingered or nosy? It would be bad enough being someone you’d not met but DSS knew , but someone he’s just bumped into on a night out- even worse. Does your DH not care there is a younger child and that’s child’s safeguarding too? Absolutely unacceptable and why the hell wasn’t your DH out of bed reading riot act as soon as it started? Seems like DH is afraid of parenting his own son ? I assume there is based on fact that DSs does drink, has before and behaved badly because of it before and hasn’t been given a clear enough boundary by his parents in the past . I’d also be speeding out clearly that DSS,other dc do NOT have sex in your home unless it’s been discussed and agreed with you previously and that you do not want to hear it even when you have given permission. Sure, they might sneak in when you’re not there, but god forbid, are parents so lax these days to allow a 17 year old to be shagging who he wants, when he wants including random 1 night stands. Is that what we’ve come to?