Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSS Brought random girl home

203 replies

HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN · 19/03/2023 08:26

DSS 17 is away college
Come home for the weekend as usual and went out drinking. At 2.30 made an almighty racket coming in drunk which woke us up
After 15 minutes we could hear him having sex. He'd brought a girl home.
After 30 minutes of this they came out of the room to the bathroom next to my bedroom giggling. By now I was bloody annoyed so I jumped out of bed and went out of the room. He's in his boxers she's naked going into the bathroom.
I told him to keep it down and that they were taking the piss. He apologised and said they were going to bed. I said I've heard you "being in bed" for the last half an hour.
We have no idea who this girl is. AIBU to be cheesed off. I found it massively disrespectful, not only did they wake us up which happens a lot when he goes out but to bring a strange girl home and have noisy sex then walk around undressed outside our room. What if DH had gone to speak to them. My DD was in bed in the room next to them too.

Is this acceptable for teenage boys?

OP posts:
Anoisagusaris · 19/03/2023 13:14

The OP didn’t say she was in England.

It’s not as common now, but I (not English) started university the month after I turned 17.

OverCCCs · 19/03/2023 13:18

Disgraceful, trashy behaviour. I’d stop letting him be home on weekends for more than a brief family meal until he can show you he won’t expose your daughter to this type of lewd activity anymore. A nude, strange teen/woman on the landing with his family asleep around them!?! I’d lose my shit.

LuluLehman · 19/03/2023 13:25

Nocutenamesleft · 19/03/2023 12:57

This! I agree

Show quote history

Another one in agreement here.

GenuineNine · 19/03/2023 13:27

He shouldn't be bringing people home overnight without permission. That was a solid rule in my house.

comingoutofmycageandillbedoingjustfine · 19/03/2023 13:39

redbigbananafeet · 19/03/2023 10:12

I think you need to have a chat about condoms too. Maybe evidence of an empty wrapper!

Yes this.

And also I'm guessing because he's under 18, he hasn't met this girl at a club / bar as they'd ID him.

If he's met her at a house party etc then you need to make sure he's aware of age / consent. I just hope she was over 16! (If she really is a stranger then he could quite easily have no idea how old she is)

headingtosun · 19/03/2023 13:43

I finished 6th year in Scotland and was still at university by 17.
I had an NUS id card and no problems getting served.
OP agree some basic family rules for everyone.

Bepis · 19/03/2023 13:43

This would have had me fuming. For starters he didn't ask if he could bring a girl back and second, having sex so you could hear 🤮.

I would have told DSS to take the girl home and don't ever behave like that again.

Bepis · 19/03/2023 14:15

Teateaandmoretea · 19/03/2023 12:15

And as for all the people desperate to point out that he might have known her for ages. Well possibly, but it is still the done thing to invite her over for tea as his girlfriend before she starts staying the night at his parents house. In the real world.

I wouldn’t let a 17 year old have a girlfriend/ boyfriend stay over anyway. Waits for the flaming.

Same here, I wouldn't allow it either.

Cardamoney · 19/03/2023 14:22

Our rule was no random shags at home. No negotiation as younger siblings around. A steady partner was a different matter so may be okay. Some friends were more of the “I’d rather than did it safely under my roof than the back of a car or wherever.” I preferred not to facilitate random shags in my house.

raspberrywine · 19/03/2023 15:01

I always get surprised at these threads which come up again and again. At 17 they are going to have sex. If it happens every single night and they wake you up every time then yes that is annoying a one off now and again, you at being massively unreasonable

@Divorcedalongtime you think it's okay that a teen brought home a random girl for drunken sex when there is a child in the house? Would it be okay if it was a teen girl who brought back a random bloke for drunken sex if there was a child in the house? Who was naked and drunk on the landing? Really?

PylaSheight · 19/03/2023 15:53

Not sure where posters are getting "one night stand" from as OP only said the girl was unknown to her and that she had no idea who she was. It may be that her DSS has known her way before last night. Not that it makes the noisy home coming and sex any more palatable

BleepBipBoop · 19/03/2023 16:30

TheScreams · 19/03/2023 11:29

Except that OP said she meant he usually goes out and doesn’t usually drink. That’s not possible from what she said. “Came home for the weekend as usual and went out drinking” can’t apply the “as usual” to the “went out” part without also applying it to the “drinking” part.

Show quote history

That is not how English grammar works.

Original poster
HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN · 19/03/2023 16:31

DH has spoken to him. He's mortified and has apologised profusely. He's promised it will never happen again.

I did tell my mum and we did take the piss a bit.

I was never allowed a boy upstairs let alone in my bedroom.

OP posts:
Sausagerolex · 19/03/2023 16:41

Blossomtoes · 19/03/2023 09:40

What if DH had gone to speak to them.

Has he never seen a naked woman before?

You are kidding?! They have no idea how old this woman is. And yes I think it would have been worse for her DH to be faced with a naked female than OP.

Are people on here just trying to stir up arguments? There have been some really odd replies

Sausagerolex · 19/03/2023 16:44

OP I’d be furious

It’s disrespectful to wake the rest of the house up for a start.

And drinking and sex might go hand in hand but they raise questions about consent. The fact she was drunk enough to go back with a possible stranger (accept they may know each other better than the OP realised) but also drunk enough to feel comfortable walking around naked in the house of strangers suggests she was at best disinhibited. I would not want to be encouraging that.

Having a regular girlfriend back with agreement is one thing but I would absolutely be saying no to random hook ups and noisy sex. If that is what he wants to do he can move out and pay for the privilege of a flat where it’s acceptable.

I hope he’s apologised today and you can set some ground rules going forwards.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 19/03/2023 16:55

No casual partners allowed here...
Ds moved out at 24. He didn't have an issue with house rules or he wouldn't have stayed home so long!!

red78hot · 19/03/2023 16:58

Anoisagusaris · 19/03/2023 09:09

Some of you can’t read! OP said he came home for the weekend as usual. And went drinking. Coming home for the weekend is the ‘as usual’ bit, not the drinking.

That's how I read it, came home as usual for the weekend, then went out drinking.
People on here just love to jump on people.

Weallgottachangesometime · 19/03/2023 17:05

I wouldn’t Care about the sex but I would care about having a random person in my home in the middle of the night and being disturbed by a drunk in the middle of the night. especially a drunk who thought it appropriate to be naked in the shared hallway of a house full of people they don’t know. Those things would apply to anyone in the household. I wouldn’t expect anyone to come home drunk with a stranger while everyone else is asleep.

As a side note I’d want to check that safe sex was being practiced.

Autienotnautie · 19/03/2023 17:23

I didn't allow 'sleepovers' until mine were 18 and then only with long term boyfriends we had met .

gannett · 19/03/2023 17:39

MN always overreacts on this matter. Some of the language used in this thread is way, way OTT.

A 17-year-old having consensual sex in their own home is not bad, shameful or disrespectful and there's no need for anyone to be "furious" or to "put their foot down".

In this case the poor behavious is being loud when coming in, and thoughtless nudity when going to the loo. Again neither of those are big deals. Teenagers are thoughtless about most things and correcting them is just part and parcel of raising them. Tell him to keep it down when he comes in late and don't wander around naked (him or his guests) even if it's more convenient because there are other people around. Job done. No need to be any more dramatic.

vamptable · 19/03/2023 18:00

Christ. I'm always amazed at the balls of some teenagers - I'd sooner have died than risk being caught naked on a boy's landing at that age Grin in fact I wouldn't even have sex with my then boyfriend if his parents were in (and they knew I was there!)

You just need to have the chat with regards to respecting the family home & boundaries. I don't think any parent wants to hear their child having a one night stand. Mine would've absolutely hit the roof & probably sent the lad home in a taxi the same night

Bepis · 19/03/2023 18:07

gannett · 19/03/2023 17:39

MN always overreacts on this matter. Some of the language used in this thread is way, way OTT.

A 17-year-old having consensual sex in their own home is not bad, shameful or disrespectful and there's no need for anyone to be "furious" or to "put their foot down".

In this case the poor behavious is being loud when coming in, and thoughtless nudity when going to the loo. Again neither of those are big deals. Teenagers are thoughtless about most things and correcting them is just part and parcel of raising them. Tell him to keep it down when he comes in late and don't wander around naked (him or his guests) even if it's more convenient because there are other people around. Job done. No need to be any more dramatic.

They are big deals to the OP which is the point of the thread. Its her house. It's appalling behaviour and I would not tolerate this from my step son or my own daughters.

bellsandwhistles333 · 19/03/2023 18:31

Nope I wouldn't be having SD 17 bringing boys back to stay the night at all unless it was a proper relationship.

18/19 I think I would be a little more forgiving if it wasn't a regular occurrence as I did the same at 19 at my mums house a few times

Jarstastic · 19/03/2023 18:51

TheFireflies · 19/03/2023 11:27

Of course social services didn’t get involved with that case either. The police did because the girl acted illegally and there was evidence if a potential crime.

Accidentally seeing a naked 17 year old girl (if she even was that age, she might’ve been older) in your own home when you weren’t expecting her to be there in no way would constitute a crime.

Show quote history

A friend of mine who is involved in this area told me quite a while ago not to allow the boys to have girlfriends to stay over if they were under 18. I was quite taken back as I had been basing any thoughts on age of consent over 16. (she is also the most easygoing of parents of all I know in other ways so she was last person I thought would say this). She said you don’t want to be on the other end of parents of a girl who don’t want to think of their precious teenage daughter losing her virginity. and certain laws go up to 18 now.

in this case there is a girl whose age none of us know (hopefully the DSS does), is she even over 16? and sounds like she was very drunk indeed. All a girl would need to do if she regretted the next morning a middle aged man looked at her in a creepy way or was not consenting with the DSS and there would be a lot of trouble for OP. Not worth the risk in my opinion.

ConsuelaHammock · 19/03/2023 18:57

Anoisagusaris · 19/03/2023 09:10

I think it’s sad that 17 years are having sex with strangers/random people they meet on a night out. I don’t care if people think that’s an old fashioned view.

I agree too.
I wouldn’t allow it in my home, and I’d be having a chat about self respect.