Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSS Brought random girl home

203 replies

HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN · 19/03/2023 08:26

DSS 17 is away college
Come home for the weekend as usual and went out drinking. At 2.30 made an almighty racket coming in drunk which woke us up
After 15 minutes we could hear him having sex. He'd brought a girl home.
After 30 minutes of this they came out of the room to the bathroom next to my bedroom giggling. By now I was bloody annoyed so I jumped out of bed and went out of the room. He's in his boxers she's naked going into the bathroom.
I told him to keep it down and that they were taking the piss. He apologised and said they were going to bed. I said I've heard you "being in bed" for the last half an hour.
We have no idea who this girl is. AIBU to be cheesed off. I found it massively disrespectful, not only did they wake us up which happens a lot when he goes out but to bring a strange girl home and have noisy sex then walk around undressed outside our room. What if DH had gone to speak to them. My DD was in bed in the room next to them too.

Is this acceptable for teenage boys?

OP posts:
DietrichandDiMaggio · 19/03/2023 11:42

Skeuomorph · 19/03/2023 10:46

If anyone ever asks me about the importance of the Oxford comma, I’m going to point them to this thread 😁

How is the use of an Oxford comma relevant to the sentence * Come home for the weekend as usual and went out drinking.?
Ignoring that the grammar is incorrect anyway, because the OP is writing informally on Mumsnet, how would putting a comma in there change the meaning? Even if you did put a comma before the 'and', I didn't think that would be an Oxford comma, because it's not before the 'and' in a list.

Abraxan · 19/03/2023 11:46

Divorcedalongtime · 19/03/2023 11:06

I always get surprised at these threads which come up again and again. At 17 they are going to have sex. If it happens every single night and they wake you up every time then yes that is annoying a one off now and again, you at being massively unreasonable

I disagree.
It's disrespectful behaviour.
Being 17y is not an excuse.

Not once did I ever wake my parents in this way. I went out plenty and not once did I bring a random lad back in this way. My parents definitely wouldn't have just put up with it.

Not once has my dd, who is 21y. She goes out plenty and would never dream of bringing a one night stand back to the family home. Established boyfriend - fine, they can stay over. Good friends - again no issue, even if opposite sex. Even in those cases - sex loud enough to wake others - not on, for any member of the family when others are in the house. It's about mutual respect for one another.

To do so knowing there is a much younger child in the house, in the room next door even, is even more disrespectful.

And it really isn't to be expected from your teens either. It always surprised me how much some posters will let their teens wants ride roughshod over what other family members want and need.

Moveoverdarlin · 19/03/2023 11:48

I’m with you OP, totally disrespectful. Just say drinking and coming home pissed is one thing, but banging all night with naked girls wandering around the landing is another. I’d let him go out and get drunk, I would ban girls coming back.

Abraxan · 19/03/2023 11:53

In the sentence 'came home as usual and went out drinking' then the two clauses in the sentence can stand alone. He came home as usual. He went out drinking.
To me that is different to if it said 'he came home and went out drinking as usual.'

SofiaSoFar · 19/03/2023 11:53

It's the complete lack of respect for the rest of the family that does it for me.

He shouldn't think it's in any way acceptable to bring random drunk girls home for noisy sex sessions, with his parents and young sister in adjacent rooms.

Appalling lack of respect, in my opinion.

Wellillsayitifnoonelsewill · 19/03/2023 11:56

All I can really say to this is would you rather he was knobbing her in some back alley down town somewhere? I wouldn’t be happy about either if I’m honest.

its not ideal and yes it’s disrespectful I get that … but at least they are home and safe. Providing he used protection otherwise you may forever know this as the weekend he got some random knocked up!

you do need to have a word with him about some boundaries though. He needs to be aware of safety for his sister and obviously depending on how old she is he needs to be aware that he could inadvertently be exposing her to some very inappropriate behaviours. If he’s going to do what he’s doing he needs to be more careful and lot more discreet. And not do it with random strangers. If they’ve got no safe place to go then he comes home alone imo if it’s someone he doesn’t know

Thisgirlcan21 · 19/03/2023 11:58

I think you need some rules. Especially if there is younger children in the house. No strangers, no noise preferably, and stay in the bedroom and go to sleep! I wouldn’t want younger siblings thinking there is a stranger at breakfast every so often either! Also to let you know by message if they do want to bring someone home but no one night stands! However we have all been young and I would rather know where my child is.

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 19/03/2023 12:01

Gymrabbit · 19/03/2023 11:25

How is he ‘away at college’ at 17?
this seems to be the problem here that he has way too much freedom for a child.
I don’t have sons but my daughters would not be randomly sleeping over strangers houses either.
Surely any decent parent knows where their teenage child is overnight? (Assuming the girl is not older)

What do you mean? I went to uni at 16y 9m. Left school after 5th year (Scotland), Freshers week was the September, wasn’t 17 til the end of the year. Loads of kids who start school at 4.5 could be away for college/uni at 16/17.

Teateaandmoretea · 19/03/2023 12:10

@Abraxan totally agree and this is what anyone normal would think imo. Mumsnet really is full of really odd people 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyway, your house your rules regardless.

MeridianB · 19/03/2023 12:11

Guessing he’s at military college or similar.

It’s gross behaviour on so many fronts. Sounds like he needs some meaningful boundaries. YANBU!!

Zanatdy · 19/03/2023 12:11

My 18yr old wouldn’t dream of bringing a random girl home for sex.

Teateaandmoretea · 19/03/2023 12:15

And as for all the people desperate to point out that he might have known her for ages. Well possibly, but it is still the done thing to invite her over for tea as his girlfriend before she starts staying the night at his parents house. In the real world.

I wouldn’t let a 17 year old have a girlfriend/ boyfriend stay over anyway. Waits for the flaming.

7eleven · 19/03/2023 12:26

Anoisagusaris · 19/03/2023 09:09

Some of you can’t read! OP said he came home for the weekend as usual. And went drinking. Coming home for the weekend is the ‘as usual’ bit, not the drinking.

Quite.

LuluLehman · 19/03/2023 12:41

BumpySkull · 19/03/2023 09:00

Ah, it’s going to be one of those threads where the OP isn’t getting the responses she wants so changes the story to garner more support. Cool.

In the OP: Come home for the weekend as usual and went out drinking
The comments: Not surprising behaviour when you let him out drinking every weekend.
In the drip feed: The drinking thing is infrequent thankfully

Is it “as usual” or “infrequent”? 🙄

okay...if we are being pernickety about language...I read "usual" as referring to the "came home" not the drinking. So he came home as usual THEN went out drinking. She knows he went out drinking because he came back drunk. So, what she says about the drinking being infrequent could be true. He's done it before, but he doesn't do it all the time. Makes sense to me.

Coffeetree · 19/03/2023 12:48

Grim af. It's a safeguarding issue for everyone involved.

Why do you think everyone else in the household heard the loud sex but not the DD? No way I'd allow a child to be in that environment.

How drunk was this girl and how old was she?

Imagine DH gets up for a wee and stumbles into a random young woman?

I can only assume the people minimising are being goady.

Twentytwothousand · 19/03/2023 12:51

It’s incredibly disrespectful. And also dodgy. Random strangers in your house isn’t great. If he wants to shag about he’d need his own place, not yours. Also not great for a 17 year old to be “out” drinking. He is an actual child legally with lack of boundaries and responsibility to match. I’d be cross , in your shoes.

Nocutenamesleft · 19/03/2023 12:57

Anoisagusaris · 19/03/2023 09:10

I think it’s sad that 17 years are having sex with strangers/random people they meet on a night out. I don’t care if people think that’s an old fashioned view.

This! I agree

Iflyaway · 19/03/2023 13:00

Providing he used protection otherwise you may forever know this as the weekend he got some random knocked up!

Indeed. I know two women who have a child from a one-night stand.

Ask him if he's ready to be a father OP, that might bring him to his senses.

ChickenDhansak82 · 19/03/2023 13:00

HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN · 19/03/2023 11:35

He doesn't have anywhere to bring girls back at college. His living arrangements don't allow it.
I think he was showing her where it was. I presumed so anyway as he didn't go in with her.

Show quote history

His college living arrangements do not allow it, but why on earth he thinks it's acceptable to bring a random girl home with him is ridiculous!

I would absolutely be laying down some ground rules, and absolutely NO guests to be brought back without prior arrangement.

(and by prior arrangement, we're talking about someone you actually know, not that he'll be dragging some random drunk home!)

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 19/03/2023 13:00

Chubbernut · 19/03/2023 09:05

That not what you said in your OP though. You said he goes out drinking.

Show quote history

Where did she say that? She said he came home for the weekend as usual and the. Went drinking which means this time he went drinking.

123sunshine · 19/03/2023 13:02

Not normal behaviour or acceptable in my house. Your family home is not an environment for a 17 year old to be bringing one night stands home to. I’m no prude when my 17 year old was in a Long term relationship I allowed a stay over occasionally, but not as habit. But no way would I accept a one night stand being brought home. You need some boundaries and respect put in place in your home.

Gymrabbit · 19/03/2023 13:04

Nowhereelsetogo90

Fair enough - must be one of those things that is different in Scotland and England then.
In England you go to university at 18 after year 13 (maybe there are one or two child prodigies who go earlier but safeguarding would mean they could not live on campus).

There are also perhaps some specialist colleges that students can go to for sixth form but very uncommon.
(I have worked in secondary education for 20 years and have not known of any students going away to college younger than 18)

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/03/2023 13:08

No but he’s a teen and they do inconsiderate stuff.

So give him a bollocking and some house rules

aSofaNearYou · 19/03/2023 13:09

I never did this as a teen and can't imagine doing it - I didn't start having random hookups until I was at uni, and I did not do it when I came home to visit, just did it there. It sounds really embarrassing.

I don't think you have to allow your kids to do this. If they're not always living at home, they don't need to bring ONS's home. I'd just tell people he's not to bring randomers back.

Kissmystarfish · 19/03/2023 13:10

Oh my god. I’m with you OP. This would make me feel sick.