DSS Brought random girl home

[HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN]

DSS 17 is away college
Come home for the weekend as usual and went out drinking. At 2.30 made an almighty racket coming in drunk which woke us up
After 15 minutes we could hear him having sex. He'd brought a girl home.
After 30 minutes of this they came out of the room to the bathroom next to my bedroom giggling. By now I was bloody annoyed so I jumped out of bed and went out of the room. He's in his boxers she's naked going into the bathroom.
I told him to keep it down and that they were taking the piss. He apologised and said they were going to bed. I said I've heard you "being in bed" for the last half an hour.
We have no idea who this girl is. AIBU to be cheesed off. I found it massively disrespectful, not only did they wake us up which happens a lot when he goes out but to bring a strange girl home and have noisy sex then walk around undressed outside our room. What if DH had gone to speak to them. My DD was in bed in the room next to them too.
Is this acceptable for teenage boys?

[Inyournewdress]

Maybe I am old fashioned, but I think it’s shocking and disgraceful!
You should not be disturbed like this while sleeping, he needs to learn how to come in quietly and respect the household. Also if, and only if, you are ok with him having someone stay over, it needs to be someone you have met and needs to be handled with a bit of respect on his part. Especially with your dd there FGS! I would have his dad reading him the riot act today.

[TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu]

@Jarstastic

Yes, not a great position for DH to be in.

Although the age of consent is 16, vulnerable children is under 18. This applies to nude photos on phones etc

If the girl is under 18 and anything came up whether relating to DSS or DH, social services would be knocking on OP’s door.

😂
Sure, SS have plenty of time on their hands, & nothing more important to do than policing consensual 16+ teenage sexual activity.

[Divorcedalongtime]

I always get surprised at these threads which come up again and again. At 17 they are going to have sex. If it happens every single night and they wake you up every time then yes that is annoying a one off now and again, you at being massively unreasonable

[TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu]

@Divorcedalongtime

I always get surprised at these threads which come up again and again. At 17 they are going to have sex. If it happens every single night and they wake you up every time then yes that is annoying a one off now and again, you at being massively unreasonable

It's not about DSS being sexually active, it's about 1) waking the household with it 2) bringing randoms home with no notice.

[freetheunicorn1]

FFS the pearl clutching is strong in this thread, were some of you never young 🙄

OP it is disrespectful behaviour and I would suggest boundaries need to be set.

[Nowhereelsetogo90]

Wow. Yes, totally disrespectful! We were allowed boyfriends/girlfriends to stay over but long term relationships not one night stands. And if we had been having audible sex I doubt that rule would have lasted long! Ask him if he’d like to hear you loudly shagging his Dad then bump into you two naked on the landing?! He’s nearly an adult so needs to respect other adults and behave like one!

[MsJD]

Condoms?

[CaptainMyCaptain]

@Anoisagusaris

I think it’s sad that 17 years are having sex with strangers/random people they meet on a night out. I don’t care if people think that’s an old fashioned view.

I don't know if it's old fashioned - it was happening when I was in my teens in the early 70s but we didn't do it in the safety of our parents' homes.

[Thatsridiculous]

You are being unreasonable for not putting boundaries in place in the first place. It is not ok for anyone to come home and waken you due to them having loud sex. Your DD should not have to be exposed to this either.

Yes 17 year olds have sex - I had sex at 17 but would never have behaved in this way.

[AcornGreen]

Disgusting. I’d have thrown at least one of them out the house.

[Viviennemary]

I think that is disgraceful. Bringing a random girl home for sex. Absolutely unacceptable. I would be furious too.

[Soontobe60]

@BumpySkull

Ah, it’s going to be one of those threads where the OP isn’t getting the responses she wants so changes the story to garner more support. Cool.

In the OP: Come home for the weekend as usual and went out drinking
The comments: Not surprising behaviour when you let him out drinking every weekend.
In the drip feed: The drinking thing is infrequent thankfully

Is it “as usual” or “infrequent”? 🙄

‘Coming home for the weekend as usual’ and ‘went out drinking’ doesn’t necessarily mean he usually went out drinking. It could mean he came home as usual but this particular weekend he also went out drinking. Inference is everything.

[LlynTegid]

Agree unacceptable, your house your rules, and especially given a 9 year old DD.

I will share my unkind thought that your clock/phone must be faulty if sex lasted 30 minutes with one of those being a teenage boy!!

[Gymrabbit]

How is he ‘away at college’ at 17?
this seems to be the problem here that he has way too much freedom for a child.
I don’t have sons but my daughters would not be randomly sleeping over strangers houses either.
Surely any decent parent knows where their teenage child is overnight? (Assuming the girl is not older)

[TheFireflies]

@Jarstastic

there was a recent thread by an OP whose 17-year old got in bf’s mums car and started it and knocked into another car. and even on that the police completed a Merlin report.

presumably social services didn’t do anything in that case. a middle aged man and a naked teenage girl under 18 on a landing, why invite this into your life.

Of course social services didn’t get involved with that case either. The police did because the girl acted illegally and there was evidence if a potential crime.

Accidentally seeing a naked 17 year old girl (if she even was that age, she might’ve been older) in your own home when you weren’t expecting her to be there in no way would constitute a crime.

[Maray1967]

@Workinghardeveryday

Op I am with you on this.

I don’t want any random strangers sleeping in my home, and I certainly don’t want to hear them having sex!!

You have been understanding and patient with him going out and coming back late drunk or otherwise.

I have a 17 year old dd and I would feel exactly the same. I would be fuming if she did that wether she is male or female.

and I don’t get the pp over splitting hairs if he was drinking or not, he is 17 ffs, we all got pissed at that age. That is completely different to bringing home a one night stand

Underaged drinking and noisy home arrival - I’ll deal with that.

Someone I’ve never met having sex in my house - no. He’d be getting strong words from me this morning. And she would not be coming back. I’m fine with an established girlfriend staying over but not someone I’ve never met before.

[TheScreams]

@Soontobe60

‘Coming home for the weekend as usual’ and ‘went out drinking’ doesn’t necessarily mean he usually went out drinking. It could mean he came home as usual but this particular weekend he also went out drinking. Inference is everything.

Except that OP said she meant he usually goes out and doesn’t usually drink. That’s not possible from what she said. “Came home for the weekend as usual and went out drinking” can’t apply the “as usual” to the “went out” part without also applying it to the “drinking” part.

[GirlOfTudor]

Her walking around naked is a bit too far in my opinion, but she likely didn't know there were others in the house and was drunk so didn't care.

However, all the rest is pretty standard behaviour and you shouldn't be horrified. Tell him to pre warn you next time and keep it down!

[Rinkydinkydoodle]

No, OP, it’s a piss-take and it was more good luck than good judgement the shit didn’t hit the fan.

I am (largely) easy-going, I had sex myself at 16 and my parents would have hit the roof so I would rather be realistic and that my kids felt they had a safe place to be doing it rather than up an alley, in a car BUT I don’t think it’s fine to be banging like a barn door and running about in the buff in a stranger’s family home, especially when there’s a wee girl through the wall. I agree with you that a random nude lass on the landing would be awkward for many men, DH is an open-minded man and has seen many a set of tits but he would not be pleased to be confronted with a naked teenage girl. It’s double trouble with a child in the house (say DD had seen the girl and told people at school) and an easily avoidable but awkward position to be put in. I’d be very annoyed at DD if she did that in another family’s home, and I’d wonder what the hell DS was on if he thought that was fine.

I’d have told her to get her gear on and called her a taxi then and there tbh. Maybe they were drunk but it’s not a student flat, scudding about in a stranger’s home is stupid and could actually be dangerous (not saying it is in your home, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that it could be).

[HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN]

@Skeuomorph

Anyway, to answer the question.

I do think bringing a stranger into the house late at night and making enough noise to wake people up is disrespectful.

That said, he was a honey drunk teenager, so not exactly thinking with his brain.

I’d have a chat with him when he’s sober and start agreeing some ground rules. Personally, given he has his own bed to bring girls to at uni, I’d be implementing a full ban on random overnight guests.

I’m curious to know why they were heading to the bathroom together, though.

He doesn't have anywhere to bring girls back at college. His living arrangements don't allow it.
I think he was showing her where it was. I presumed so anyway as he didn't go in with her.

[DismantledKing]

Install boundaries, enforce punishments invoked by your son ignoring those boundaries.
and there we go. Simple.

[HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN]

Thank you all for your advice.
DH and I will be having a chat with him later. (If he ever leaves his room)
Better get dinner on before my mum gets here.
Have a great day ladies

[FeetupTvon]

No, this is unacceptable and disrespectful.

[Crumpetdisappointment]

that's going to be an awkward day

[Crumpetdisappointment]

@HappyMothersDayLadiesofMN
your ds is going to be so embarrassed