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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH organized nothing for tomorrow

346 replies

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:14

Just found out DH has not organised anything for tomorrow. He did this once before but it was just as Covid hit so I wasn’t too upset, hard to go into shops etc and Amazon deliveries all over the place. I’d mentioned something I’d like to him and DD. DS is too little to know. DD tried to advise DH on this and they ordered something totally awful online last week. DD let slip and I told her that maybe she and DH might want to swap it as she’d misinterpreted what I’d said… Said something to DH now about looking forward to what they’d chosen as an alternative once the misunderstanding had been cleared up and he told me they hadn’t got anything else. DD now crying as DH didn’t sort anything else. She is also too young to go to shops alone.

AIBU to think DH is crap? I always get him ace presents and bought gifts and cards for both my DM and his!

OP posts:
StaceySolomonSwash · 18/03/2023 20:17

It's shit, isn't it. Especially as you'll be asked why you bought things for his mum too! (Which is what normal families do but this is mumsnet!)

Rollercoaster1920 · 18/03/2023 20:19

So you told them what you be want, they got it, but it's awful? That bit doesn't make sense to me.

thesurreymum · 18/03/2023 20:20

Husband has organised nothing and I'm truly disappointed. A little thought and effort doesn't take much.

Original poster
Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:24

@Rollercoaster1920 - without being outing, imagine you’d asked for, let’s say, a cake and they bought the one flavour you don’t like, or a scarf in a horrid colour that they should know you don’t like and you know washes you out. DH should def have known better. DD tried but is too young to know really and needed DH to guide her. He seems to have taken offence I didn’t like crap option number one and so not bothered getting anything else after he returned it. He asked me for ideas in the first place!!

OP posts:
GiltEdges · 18/03/2023 20:26

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:24

@Rollercoaster1920 - without being outing, imagine you’d asked for, let’s say, a cake and they bought the one flavour you don’t like, or a scarf in a horrid colour that they should know you don’t like and you know washes you out. DH should def have known better. DD tried but is too young to know really and needed DH to guide her. He seems to have taken offence I didn’t like crap option number one and so not bothered getting anything else after he returned it. He asked me for ideas in the first place!!

For your DDs sake I'd have accepted the first choice gift with good grace and waited until after Mother's Day to ask DH to exchange it.

Nimbostratus100 · 18/03/2023 20:28

Its just Mothering Sunday. Are you a servant returning to your mother church for the day? If so, enjoy, if not, why bother with the whole artifice built up around it , largely invented by greeting card manufacturers, which inevitably leads to guilt, pressure, expectations, wasted money and disappointment?

Hankunamatata · 18/03/2023 20:29

I cant believe you said to your dd she misinterpreted what you said, no wonder she is crying.

Itsmyturnnow1 · 18/03/2023 20:29

Get over yourself! They tried …

Original poster
Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:29

@GiltEdges - there is a bit of me regretting not doing that. But it really really was something DH knew wouldn’t be right. I have no idea why he got it in the first place (well I do - a job ticked off his list and zero thought involved). I’d have been wearing it forevermore if I’d pretended I liked it.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 18/03/2023 20:31

Mothers Day is consumer bollocks and you are ridiculous.

Original poster
Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:33

@Itsmyturnnow1 - the point is, DH didn’t try. I suppose it’s akin to buying him a Man City shirt if he was a ManU fan? As in, totally unsuitable and a bit of a piss take really. He’s the one responsible for upsetting DD as far as I’m concerned, couldn’t be arsed to try harder and didn’t care enough to help her get something suitable. Didn’t have to be perfect, just not what they got originally.

OP posts:
kitnkaboodle · 18/03/2023 20:33

What a lot of hard work ... hopefully your DH will take the hint and nip out in the morning for a card and some daffs ... or wouldn't that do??

Stellaris22 · 18/03/2023 20:33

Is this really about a present or a more long term issue over lack of communication?

I genuinely couldn't imagine getting upset over a present, especially one for Mother's Day where you're telling your kids what to buy.

A simple hand drawn card is surely a better representation for Mother's Day than a gift.

I feel sorry for your DD, causing her upset unnecessarily.

Brefugee · 18/03/2023 20:34

thb? you should have been more graceful and accepted the gift they ordered with a smile, and then - out of hearing/sight of your DD - asked your DH to swap it.

When DCs are small you have to suck up a lot of presents you don't like. It is part of it. As they grow they get better at picking present.s

youshouldnthaveasked · 18/03/2023 20:34

I feel sorry for your daughter.

The thought was there, why does it have to be so materialistic?

DashboardConfessional · 18/03/2023 20:34

I know you don't want to be outing but there is no present "wrong" enough that I would ever upset my DS over it.

neilyoungismyhero · 18/03/2023 20:35

Mother's day is going to hell in a handcart IMO. Since when are mums being asked for opinions about their gift?
It's crazy..my children used to pop out with their dad and buy me flowers and a card when they were small or maybe my favourite chocs or a little fluffy toy.
It was always their choice though..it was their special chosen gift to me.
Whatever they bought would have been and still is more than special and appreciated.
You sound a little but grabby.

saveforthat · 18/03/2023 20:35

I think it's a bit entitled to suggest Mother's Day gifts. Surely it's just flowers, chocolates and breakfast in bed.

TomatoSandwiches · 18/03/2023 20:35

I don't care about mothers day for myself, however it is a bit shit that he puts no effort in to your gift especially if you make sure he gets spoilt on father's day.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 18/03/2023 20:36

So Father's day you do fuck all.. And stop buying for his dm /family..

Brefugee · 18/03/2023 20:36

and for those with football analogies: my DDs bought my DH a scarf from our rival team, because they thought the logo was cute and they had no idea. When they were old enough to realise they were mortified, and helped him cut it up and bin it.

Mother's (or Father's) Day isn't for your spouse to take over from your DCs, it is for them to facilitate what they want to do for you, and help them when they're too small.

It is our job as parents to be gracious about the efforts they make, even if they are bloody awful.

Riverlee · 18/03/2023 20:37

Couldn’t you be gracious and accept the gift? It may not be right, but at least they tried and got something. You could have always discreetly changed it later (or brought the correct item yourself).

Lipfloss · 18/03/2023 20:37

No you're the one responsible for upsetting DD, ffs why not just open it tomorrow and then discretly if its really that bad ask DH to swap for something else. Bless her she was probably feeling pretty chuffed and thought you'd be really happy- how hurtful for her. Why not just go out and buy said thing if you're that bothered? Bloody hell I hope you've apologised to her.

always get him ace presents and bought gifts and cards for both my DM and his!

That's up to you though isn't it, you didn't have to!

daimtheman · 18/03/2023 20:37

It's unbelievably shitty and childish to put this on your daughter. If you needed to say something you speak to your husband separately and ask to swap the gift.

Your poor daughter, she's going to feel shit now.

floralqueen · 18/03/2023 20:38

Mine also found out it was Mother's Day for his mother earlier this afternoon when I mentioned it. Spent the rest of the afternoon organising emergency gift sending with ££££ next day Sunday delivery.

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