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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH organized nothing for tomorrow

346 replies

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:14

Just found out DH has not organised anything for tomorrow. He did this once before but it was just as Covid hit so I wasn’t too upset, hard to go into shops etc and Amazon deliveries all over the place. I’d mentioned something I’d like to him and DD. DS is too little to know. DD tried to advise DH on this and they ordered something totally awful online last week. DD let slip and I told her that maybe she and DH might want to swap it as she’d misinterpreted what I’d said… Said something to DH now about looking forward to what they’d chosen as an alternative once the misunderstanding had been cleared up and he told me they hadn’t got anything else. DD now crying as DH didn’t sort anything else. She is also too young to go to shops alone.

AIBU to think DH is crap? I always get him ace presents and bought gifts and cards for both my DM and his!

OP posts:
VandhuK3 · 19/03/2023 01:08

Good student.

DH organized nothing for tomorrow
CallieQ · 19/03/2023 01:10

RedToothBrush · 18/03/2023 20:31

Mothers Day is consumer bollocks and you are ridiculous.

This

BreviloquentBastard · 19/03/2023 01:10

So you made your young daughter feel like shit because you're pissed off with your husband?

Top form there OP, can see why you think you deserve mother's day presents. Mother of the fucking year.

PhoenixIsFlying · 19/03/2023 01:13

We always bought my mum tea in bed, a Mars bar and a newspaper and a handmade card of course. I didn't think mothers Day was about gifts but your children making a little effort of appreciation. I am hoping for a cup of coffee and a handmade card and if I get that I will be happy.

Goneblank38 · 19/03/2023 01:15

It's sounds rough but I think you and you're husband need to cop on for the sake of your daughter. Your poor kid is in tears because her parents are being ridiculous. Grow up FFS.

If you want nice jewellery, buy yourself some. You sound really materialistic here. Don't put the pressure on your small child and throw a tantrum when it goes wrong.

I'd apologise to your daughter and get your husband to sort something so she's feeling better. Then you and your husband should talk to each other like adults and partners so your kid doesn't get caught in the middle of this nonsense again.

Thatboymum · 19/03/2023 01:17

As a single parent i can’t say this is something I’d be upset about at all, My boys have nobody to show them the way but they both made me the most special cards at school and that’s worth so much more than any other adult buying my gifts on my kids behalf. It’s just another day op the way youve gone on is totally unreasonable

Mum1976Mum · 19/03/2023 01:20

Just be thankful you have your children with you on Mother’s Day. 10 of mine never got to be born. 1000s of Ukraine women are without their children. Grow up.

Redebs · 19/03/2023 04:45

RedToothBrush · 18/03/2023 20:31

Mothers Day is consumer bollocks and you are ridiculous.

Yes
I cannot believe that grown women are making such a fuss over nothing.
It's commercialism at It's most tacky.
Women are bullying and shaming their own family members into buying things.
Makes me nauseous.

Covetthee · 19/03/2023 07:20

Crumpledstilstkin · 19/03/2023 00:50

Are people here missing the point that it was literally something she's allergic too? That's not hard to avoid for someone you love and care about.

Anyway, this is all salvageable. Just tell your daughter not to worry, you'll go out for some special time together tomorrow and that's the best gift she could give you. Then tell you husband that in the context of a family who does go all out for these sort of occasions his lack of effort has made you feel deeply hurt and either you need to both lower the bar significantly or he needs to buck his ideas up sharpish before you take this as a sign of how little he cares about your feelings.

Only you know if this is just an example of a wider problem with his behaviour.

No not at all, people have told her maybe she should have left that conversation between her and her husband. its shitty if thats true BUT at the same she is also shitty for using her daughter as the go between and getting her upset. She should have just accepted the gift and then had it out with her DH.

also by the sounds of OP- going out and having a ‘special day’ doesnt seem of enough value to her considering she thinks other mums Are accetping and very happy of ‘scraps’ ie some daffodils - she is clearly very keen on materialistic present that she deems acceptable

PopcornPoppingInAPan · 19/03/2023 07:45

Shoxfordian · 18/03/2023 21:41

Your daughter is hopefully getting the message that her Mum doesn’t take any shit when her husband has made no effort - that’s actually not a bad lesson. Also a present you’re allergic to isn’t a present.

This, 100%!! Christ, the hard of thinking trolls are out in force today.
OP you are definitely not being unreasonable, your husband is an unthinking idiot and it is quite understandable that your disappointed that he couldn’t engage his brain to make even minimal effort.

To all the sheep that have turned this into a typical mumsnet pile in: It’s the thought that counts and OPs hubby put so little thought into this that he bought a gift that would make her ill, and she’s meant to accept it with good grace, wear it forever and suck up her allergy?! It’s nothing to do with materialism. But clearly you are as capable of engaging your brains as OPs husband 🤷‍♀️

PopcornPoppingInAPan · 19/03/2023 07:45

*you’re

OoooohMatron · 19/03/2023 08:14

Thatboymum · 19/03/2023 01:17

As a single parent i can’t say this is something I’d be upset about at all, My boys have nobody to show them the way but they both made me the most special cards at school and that’s worth so much more than any other adult buying my gifts on my kids behalf. It’s just another day op the way youve gone on is totally unreasonable

This. Have a lovely day with your boys, Happy Mothers Day 💐

Laptopneeded · 19/03/2023 08:33

Op if it's any consolations dh didn't help dc get me a bday present last year. He had to run out last to grab the chocs from m and s.as I offered my chocs to dc they got the choice of "porn star" because dh had chosen cocktail ones.

If it was me and dh I wouldn't bother with my day but small dc also want me to have a cake so I have to ask dh to make the effort to get me a cake but rwaly it's because that's what small dc expect!!

MelroseGrainger · 19/03/2023 08:34

Cloudhoppingdancer · 18/03/2023 22:39

You've been far too prescriptive about exactly what you want. Your DD shouldn't be under that much pressure to get exactly the right thing. She needs to develop her generosity by thinking about what she thinks you would like and getting that. You are just teaching her that present giving is hoping to get the one thing that will please the person when she should be feeling that whatever she has decided you will like will be precious to you because it's from her.

Your DH shouldn't have stopped halfway through but I can understand why he ran out of motivation - you can't micro manage gift giving like this.

Pretty much the perfect post. No need for any more!

SunshineAndMonsteras · 19/03/2023 08:34

I can see why we have so many kids with anxiety and other issues around....

saveforthat · 19/03/2023 08:38

How did you know what the gift was before the day

MelroseGrainger · 19/03/2023 08:40

PopcornPoppingInAPan · 19/03/2023 07:45

This, 100%!! Christ, the hard of thinking trolls are out in force today.
OP you are definitely not being unreasonable, your husband is an unthinking idiot and it is quite understandable that your disappointed that he couldn’t engage his brain to make even minimal effort.

To all the sheep that have turned this into a typical mumsnet pile in: It’s the thought that counts and OPs hubby put so little thought into this that he bought a gift that would make her ill, and she’s meant to accept it with good grace, wear it forever and suck up her allergy?! It’s nothing to do with materialism. But clearly you are as capable of engaging your brains as OPs husband 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

There’s conflicting stories from the OP about whether it makes her allergic or it’s just not something she’d wear…so a big raised eyebrow to that for starters. Secondly, she posted before it’s even Mother’s Day. She was complaining bitterly about her husband without even knowing if he had in fact got a plan to sort it out on the day. She may have woken up to breakfast in bed and flowers! No parent should be using their child’s emotions and vulnerabilities to “teach” them about taking no shit from
another parent. That’s an awful thing to do. She’s made this ALL about herself and her wants and need, and completely omitted her daughter. And communicated really badly with her feckless husband. Zero points all round.

qpmz · 19/03/2023 09:02

Have you got a card? Your daughter shouldn't associate Mother's Day with the perfect present, it's about love.

DemelzaandRoss · 19/03/2023 09:23

Sorry OP but you sound a bit ‘me me me’.
This situation has gone badly wrong. Hopefully you will learn from it.
Mothering Sunday traditionally celebrated Mothers with a simple bunch of flowers. Today it is consumerism gone mad. Be grateful for everything you have.
Tell your daughter how much you love her.

AcornGreen · 19/03/2023 09:25

Can’t your kids make you a card? Why do you need more stuff? And why is your husband organising it? You’re not his mother!

youshouldnthaveasked · 19/03/2023 09:27

PopcornPoppingInAPan · 19/03/2023 07:45

This, 100%!! Christ, the hard of thinking trolls are out in force today.
OP you are definitely not being unreasonable, your husband is an unthinking idiot and it is quite understandable that your disappointed that he couldn’t engage his brain to make even minimal effort.

To all the sheep that have turned this into a typical mumsnet pile in: It’s the thought that counts and OPs hubby put so little thought into this that he bought a gift that would make her ill, and she’s meant to accept it with good grace, wear it forever and suck up her allergy?! It’s nothing to do with materialism. But clearly you are as capable of engaging your brains as OPs husband 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

I think most people are of the opinion that this fully grown adult couldn’t have kept quiet and now has an upset daughter.

Rosebel · 19/03/2023 09:41

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/03/2023 22:19

I meant to add that she birthed his kids. She grew them for 9 months each, went through labour, nutured them, sacrificed her life and probably career to them and all she is worth is "That'll do"?

If you are happy to settle for that then ok, but those of us who know our worth are not.

At the very least, father's day will get exactly the same level of (non) effort.

What do you mean sacrificed her life? WTF are you talking about? She presumably agreed to have children and go through birth. She hasn't died, we don't know what her working situation is.
I'm sorry if you see having children as sacrifying your life. Life changes it doesn't end.

Cherrysoup · 19/03/2023 09:48

Why would you make Father’s Day nice? Why do you do his mum’s gifts? I’d go mad.

ancientgran · 19/03/2023 09:52

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:55

@Led9519 - that’s exactly it. The ‘incorrect’ gift was returned last week. It truly was hideous and DH should have persuaded her away from it. He didn’t. DD is upset tonight as she realized that DH did not bother to organise a replacement. I would never have left the DC with no gift to give on Father’s Day, or a birthday or at Xmas. It’s just mean.

@determinedtomakethiswork - exactly. He really would have been better getting nothing than the first gift. Maybe some people are happy to set a low bar. In our family, traditionally we do make a fuss of people on these occasions. Except DH couldn’t be arsed this year… and DD suffers the fallout. She believed DH had got something else this week. He hadn’t/forgot/couldn’t be arsed.

So your DD actually chose the present and you rejected it? That is so harsh.

saraclara · 19/03/2023 09:56

The ‘incorrect’ gift was returned last week. It truly was hideous and DH should have persuaded her away from it.

It was your DD's choice. Your rejection is what's made her upset. And again, how did you know a week earlier, what she'd chosen?

Gift giving sounds really soulless at your house.