DH organized nothing for tomorrow

[Nomothersdayforme]

Just found out DH has not organised anything for tomorrow. He did this once before but it was just as Covid hit so I wasn’t too upset, hard to go into shops etc and Amazon deliveries all over the place. I’d mentioned something I’d like to him and DD. DS is too little to know. DD tried to advise DH on this and they ordered something totally awful online last week. DD let slip and I told her that maybe she and DH might want to swap it as she’d misinterpreted what I’d said… Said something to DH now about looking forward to what they’d chosen as an alternative once the misunderstanding had been cleared up and he told me they hadn’t got anything else. DD now crying as DH didn’t sort anything else. She is also too young to go to shops alone.

AIBU to think DH is crap? I always get him ace presents and bought gifts and cards for both my DM and his!

Jesus couldn’t cope with the drama

in future get the present yourself and give it to dd to give to u

Your husband is selfish and uncaring. Not just for you but for your kids. Don’t know why you’re getting so much grief on here!

I'm on the "what a palaver" camp I'm afraid.

All you have done is upset your DD and ruined the day. Just accept the gift with a smile and then discretely return. Or even better, take your DD out to Sainsbury's and buy yourself a nice nick-nack which is her present to you.

And for heavens sake, STOP going above and beyond for your MIL and for Father's Day. No one with any sense cares and if they do, they need to stop caring. So sick of these ridiculous Hallmark days: tomorrow they'll start flogging Easter at us and then they'll be the annual guilt posts on here about how their DCs only got 23 Easter eggs and having to arrange endless days out doing egg hunts etc.

Why was it truly hideous ? If it was different metal would be be different ?

You say you have an allergy

I'm the same. Allergic to nickel and only wear gold

So if I got say a silver necklace /earrings I wouldn't wear as skin would rash /weep

But I wouldn't say hideous - just that I can't wear them

So why was it hideous ?

Good point.

"Which is it? You'd have been stuck wearing the hideous thing or you'd never have worn it due to an allergy?"

@DashboardConfessional - well spotted ;)
Quite frankly one ungrateful mum with no consideration for DD feelings 🙈🙈🙈

I think the op was trying to hide that it was because of an allergy in her first few posts so it wasn’t as outing and she was alluding to it being a scarf or another item of clothing.

now I’ve read her posts properly I can kind agree with her being annoyed that her husband would go along with getting a gift that would be unsuitable for her. I still think it’s grabby to insist on an expensive gift on Mother’s Day though. Different if it was a birthday or Christmas and they’d asked you what you’d like. You can still make a fuss of your mum on Mother’s Day without a material gift!

Basically I think it’s two separate issues.

Easter egg trees. Competitive eggs. Actual competition creme eggs. Easter bunny experiences. Bonnet making experiences. Designer eggs.

Remind me what was the point of Easter again?

Mothers Day = whatever that your kid can muster up or cute task they can do - at most. It's not a gauge to measure the performance of your husband by.

If your husband and feckless and unappreciative the other 364 days of the year that's an issue with your marriage. That requires communication. Not a demand for the right jewellery for mothers day - which he should automatically know. It's narcissist performance expectations right there, where the other party is almost always set up to fail because the other party has such unrealistic expectations and demands.

Work on your marriage those other days of the year and don't make hallmark events be a focal point, in which your kid gets caught in the crossfire.

This is something that is perfectly predictable and as such, yep you are to blame for not addressing it outside a situation where it's going to upset a child.

The whole thing is selfish and childish. It's like a kid who didn't get 200 ridiculously expensive gifts at Christmas, they only got 100 and then throws a massive tantrum about it. And even in that, the parents have no one else to blame because of the lack of expectation management...

No, I think you're responsible. You should never, ever have let her know she got it wrong. It sounds as though your DH bought it using the information she thought she had - now she feels responsible for getting it wrong. I cannot believe you told her that. I feel so, so sorry for your poor DD. It's just a day, ffs. Get over it.

I think she was, but to frame it as "it was ugly" was never ever going to get a more positive response!

@DashboardConfessional I agree, she could have just said it was an allergy from the start. Hardly uncommon, I’m allergic to nickel and know loads of people who are as well

This actually choked me up a bit. I wish I could give 9 year old you a hug! All of you who have posted about mums rejected your gifts, I’m so sorry you weren’t appreciated.

OP, never reject anything given to you with love by your child, even if it’s a bit rubbish. My DS gave me an ‘interesting’ stone I assume he’s found in the garden - it’s seriously just a chunk of rock, but he thought I’d like it, gave it with love (and very pleased with himself because I like carved semi precious stones) and I will keep it because it’s from him.

No. She’s supposed to say ‘Darling, how lovely!’ Then after her daughter has gone to bed, say ‘Husband, I’m actually allergic to this - please can you exchange it for something similar-looking that won’t bring me out in a rash.’ Pretty simple for anyone capable of engaging their brain, and has the added advantage of not causing a small child to cry.

Still don't get how it can be ugly if wrong metal

Surely if ugly in silver , would be ugly in gold

And, no, before you ask - she’s not supposed to wear it all day. She’s supposed to say ‘Oh, I’m going to save it for a VERY special occasion, my sweet!’

Haha my mum always said this to me. Unfortunately I 100% believed she loved them and I’ve carried it with me into adulthood that you must save nice things for “best” Now I have a huge stash of actual nice candles and toiletries that I’ve not used because “I’ve been saving them for best” Some of the candles are a decade old! Trying my best to use them this year.

I’m well aware this is me being weird though and don’t for a second think we should stop saying this to our children when we get some dodgy perfume or terrible jewellery

Yeah, my mum and gran definitely saved some of our gifts ‘for best’ 😂😂. But actually after they both died, I found quite a few (not great) little things I’d made for or written to them which they’d kept, which I found really touching. A mate told me how she’d found something she’d made for her mum in the bin the day after Mother’s Day and how upset that had made her, and I vowed never to do that to my DC.

Next year tell him not to bother and get yourself something nice instead.

Also, don't make the effort you normally do for him.

I think you've played a part in this by upsetting your dd and not appreciating what she had got.You were too precious about it.You said yourself she couldn't go out shopping alone and you knew what dh is like.
It's a real shame the dc is upset.
Mothers day is about the love and appreciation for you mum,love between mum and child.that's what's important and what we remember.
Yabu and need to open your eyes and heart to what's really important.
Grabby isn't nice.

So what happened today op

Did you get breakie in bed ?

A nice card from dd

Hope you said sorry to her and gave her a cuddle

Exactly this!!!!!