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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH organized nothing for tomorrow

346 replies

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:14

Just found out DH has not organised anything for tomorrow. He did this once before but it was just as Covid hit so I wasn’t too upset, hard to go into shops etc and Amazon deliveries all over the place. I’d mentioned something I’d like to him and DD. DS is too little to know. DD tried to advise DH on this and they ordered something totally awful online last week. DD let slip and I told her that maybe she and DH might want to swap it as she’d misinterpreted what I’d said… Said something to DH now about looking forward to what they’d chosen as an alternative once the misunderstanding had been cleared up and he told me they hadn’t got anything else. DD now crying as DH didn’t sort anything else. She is also too young to go to shops alone.

AIBU to think DH is crap? I always get him ace presents and bought gifts and cards for both my DM and his!

OP posts:
Gordonsgrin · 18/03/2023 21:08

Aside from everything else, your DD will take away two messages: 1 that is is ok to be ungrateful for a gift, 2 she may feel that she has failed you.
well done stunning mothering….

lurchermummy · 18/03/2023 21:08

Are you talking about Mothers Day? Why should your DH organise anything? Are you his mother??

Original poster
Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 21:08

Wow! Some people here really are martyrs. You’d be happy with a £1 bunch of daffs at the last minute? Really?! When you always put time and effort into everyone else’s gifts? And spend your life making life nice and cozy for your DCs? And when, as a family, we do usually set the bar much higher. You’d be happy to be the afterthought, given the equivalent of petrol station flowers for want of a lack of forethought. Fair enough, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I should be grateful for the tiny scraps I’m thrown.

OP posts:
Changingplace · 18/03/2023 21:09

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:55

@Led9519 - that’s exactly it. The ‘incorrect’ gift was returned last week. It truly was hideous and DH should have persuaded her away from it. He didn’t. DD is upset tonight as she realized that DH did not bother to organise a replacement. I would never have left the DC with no gift to give on Father’s Day, or a birthday or at Xmas. It’s just mean.

@determinedtomakethiswork - exactly. He really would have been better getting nothing than the first gift. Maybe some people are happy to set a low bar. In our family, traditionally we do make a fuss of people on these occasions. Except DH couldn’t be arsed this year… and DD suffers the fallout. She believed DH had got something else this week. He hadn’t/forgot/couldn’t be arsed.

You’ve set the bar lower than anyone by being so unbelievably ungrateful and grabby over a gift from your child.

I’m not surprised your DH couldn’t be arsed getting you anything else.

Spectre8 · 18/03/2023 21:09

kirinm · 18/03/2023 21:07

I think you place too much importance on the day tbh.

I'm hoping for a coffee in bed ideally alone but probably not. That is honestly enough.

Why so grown women get so wound up about this sort of stuff?

They get wound up cos they probably don't get enough appreciation throughout the year. If people focused on showing appreciation daily or more often then you don't care about a day that is dedicated for it.

blumppump · 18/03/2023 21:09

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 21:08

Wow! Some people here really are martyrs. You’d be happy with a £1 bunch of daffs at the last minute? Really?! When you always put time and effort into everyone else’s gifts? And spend your life making life nice and cozy for your DCs? And when, as a family, we do usually set the bar much higher. You’d be happy to be the afterthought, given the equivalent of petrol station flowers for want of a lack of forethought. Fair enough, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I should be grateful for the tiny scraps I’m thrown.

Wise up.

It's Mother's Day. It's a marketing ploy.

It's supposed to be about a cuppa and some burnt toast in bed, a bunch of flowers and a lie in.

You've made your dd feel shit. Nice one.

HelloBunny · 18/03/2023 21:09

I don’t know what I’m getting for Mother’s Day... Probably nothing! Maybe a card? Bought some cake for my own mother. DH will moan that he never gets anything for his birthday (always have special dinner & gift) but drops the ball on my birthday, etc... (except for sending stupidly expensive flowers which I hate).

Original poster
Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 21:10

@lurchermummy - because that’s what parents do? Or usually do?

OP posts:
WarrickDavisAsPlates · 18/03/2023 21:10

How old is your DD? Will she have made a card at nursery or anything?

Could you suggest to DH (discreetly) that he and DD nip to the shops in the morning and get you flowers or something so that she has something to give you and you can act thrilled with and build DD back up after upsetting her?

Floralnomad · 18/03/2023 21:10

As I said on a different thread you need to make the same effort for Father’s Day and his birthday as he makes for yours - if you are worried about the kids just get them to make a card . Also stop sorting stuff for his mother .

Scottishdreams1991 · 18/03/2023 21:11

My mum always says her best mother's day gift was a box of chocolates with a few missing when me and sis were 6 and 4 .......just saying

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/03/2023 21:11

Fuck me. Its all too much this.

I've asked for a lie in and the chance to go to IKEA on my own for a change. Can't wait.

saraclara · 18/03/2023 21:12

DashboardConfessional · 18/03/2023 20:34

I know you don't want to be outing but there is no present "wrong" enough that I would ever upset my DS over it.

Exactly. Why on earth are you suggesting your own present anyway?

Poor DD. How to make present giving absolutely miserable.

AuditAngel · 18/03/2023 21:12

I doubt DH has bought me anything, he is working tomorrow (in his bar) but has said for us all to go in for a meal in the evening. DS has arranged to take me out for dinner on Tuesday.

No idea if the girls have don3 anything, DD1 normally gets me flowers

Whatthefnow · 18/03/2023 21:12

I don't really bother with the day to be honest. I haven't brought it up with my kids.

Sorry you're feeling disappointed but honestly, I wouldn't let it bother you.

Blueblell · 18/03/2023 21:12

How come you know what was ordered? I think you should of just accepted what was given. For me mothers days gifts are either flowers/plants or a bottle of wine and a card. It’s not Christmas and maybe you have put too much pressure on yourself and DD to get it right. However, yes your DH should have sorted it out as your DD is too young. Tell him you are forward to the lunch he is arranging.

Potentialscroogeincognito · 18/03/2023 21:13

Agree with @Floralnomad roll with it tomorrow and then make the same effort for him in June for Father’s Day. When the inevitable strop occurs, you remind him that he changed the rules not you.

Your daughter sounds a delight and you should be proud that she is such a thoughtful soul.

sexnotgenders · 18/03/2023 21:14

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 21:08

Wow! Some people here really are martyrs. You’d be happy with a £1 bunch of daffs at the last minute? Really?! When you always put time and effort into everyone else’s gifts? And spend your life making life nice and cozy for your DCs? And when, as a family, we do usually set the bar much higher. You’d be happy to be the afterthought, given the equivalent of petrol station flowers for want of a lack of forethought. Fair enough, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I should be grateful for the tiny scraps I’m thrown.

I've read some nonsense on here in my time, but this is batshit. Yes, I would be happy with any gift my DD was involved in choosing. If she chose the £1 daffodils, I would cheerfully put them in a vase and give her a giant hug. You said in your PP that it was your DHs job to steer her away from this apparently shit gift. Why, if she chose it for you? You sound disgustingly entitled and spoilt

saraclara · 18/03/2023 21:15

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 21:08

Wow! Some people here really are martyrs. You’d be happy with a £1 bunch of daffs at the last minute? Really?! When you always put time and effort into everyone else’s gifts? And spend your life making life nice and cozy for your DCs? And when, as a family, we do usually set the bar much higher. You’d be happy to be the afterthought, given the equivalent of petrol station flowers for want of a lack of forethought. Fair enough, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I should be grateful for the tiny scraps I’m thrown.

If that £1 bunch of daffs was from (and chosen by) my young child, yes, I'd be happy.

Jeeeze, I can't believe the consumerist, grabby mothers day threads on here at the moment..

moose62 · 18/03/2023 21:16

You choose to by nice stuff for everyone else. It is your choice. It is really ungrateful to be so critical of something your DD thought you wanted. Why do you need presents on mothers day? My children are cooking lunch, no doubt there will be a huge mess and tge food won't be brilliant but I will eat it and be grateful.

Wotnowconfused · 18/03/2023 21:17

A £2 bunch of daffodils bought with pocket money and a breakfast in bed of tea and toast would be a more thoughtful and from the heart gesture than what you're expecting.
I think you've missed the point, a gift from the heart whatever it is means the most.

NBLarsen · 18/03/2023 21:17

Sorry to say I think you are at fault here, for asking for a specific gift in the first place, and then for suggesting what your daughter chose should be exchanged. Even if it had been exchanged in time, she still would have known you didn't like the thing she chose.

I'm giving my mum a card and bunch of flowers and spending the day with her, just enjoying each other's company.

Magnoliasunrise · 18/03/2023 21:17

Nimbostratus100 · 18/03/2023 20:28

Its just Mothering Sunday. Are you a servant returning to your mother church for the day? If so, enjoy, if not, why bother with the whole artifice built up around it , largely invented by greeting card manufacturers, which inevitably leads to guilt, pressure, expectations, wasted money and disappointment?

Love this

shortandpaleandoldandugly · 18/03/2023 21:18

OP, one year my DD went round the house and picked up all my favourite things- a book I enjoyed reading, an ornament she knew I loved etc. She put them in a gift bag (a previously used one I might add) and gave it to me with absolute love. It's probably the best present I ever got. Get a grip. It's Mother's Day!

saraclara · 18/03/2023 21:18

My kids spent their pocket money on my gifts when they are young. I got all kinds of random cheap things for mothers day, and loved them all, because they were chosen and bought by my kids. My DH had no input other than taking them to the shops to spend their own money.

It's Mothers Day, not Wives Day.