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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH organized nothing for tomorrow

346 replies

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:14

Just found out DH has not organised anything for tomorrow. He did this once before but it was just as Covid hit so I wasn’t too upset, hard to go into shops etc and Amazon deliveries all over the place. I’d mentioned something I’d like to him and DD. DS is too little to know. DD tried to advise DH on this and they ordered something totally awful online last week. DD let slip and I told her that maybe she and DH might want to swap it as she’d misinterpreted what I’d said… Said something to DH now about looking forward to what they’d chosen as an alternative once the misunderstanding had been cleared up and he told me they hadn’t got anything else. DD now crying as DH didn’t sort anything else. She is also too young to go to shops alone.

AIBU to think DH is crap? I always get him ace presents and bought gifts and cards for both my DM and his!

OP posts:
rainyskylight · 18/03/2023 21:33

who gets jewellery on Mother’s Day? Flowers, someone making me a cup of tea and then some cake or chocolate at some point keeps me happy. The best gift is the hug, kiss and moment appreciation. YABU.

Sallyh87 · 18/03/2023 21:33

My DD (who is 3), went out to the shop with her dad today and picked my gift. It’s a charity daffodil pin. She was very proud of herself and gave it to me immediately and gave me a kiss. I love it! Best gift ever.

DH has promised me a MacDonalds breakfast and coffee in the morning, so Im pretty pleased.

Maybe you should let your daughter know that gifts don’t really matter OP. This might have upset her.

Ladybug14 · 18/03/2023 21:33

So why, after making a fuss every year so far, is DH not making a fuss this year?

ImWearingReallyJudgyPants · 18/03/2023 21:34

I had the loveliest Mother's Day text just now from my youngest child, who's on a gap year 10,000 miles away. I used to wonder if we'd both make it through her teenage years alive, but what she wrote made it all worthwhile. I also still have the little presents all the gave me/made me over the years, including a loom band bracelet with various dangly attachments, and a Mother's Day card which DC1 ("Joe") gave me when he was about 4 - which read "To Joe, you are lovly (sic), love from Joe".

ancientgran · 18/03/2023 21:34

Sodullincomparison · 18/03/2023 21:24

I took DD who is five to a really lovely gift shop last week and showed her the words Mum and Mummy and said go choose three gifts in the basket and then the lady behind the till wrapped them and I paid.

I gave DH the receipt ( without looking what was on it)so DD got to choose it all.

I don’t care what it is.

DH gets very upset and stressed by present choosing and then I get generic White Company or Neom as he panic buys.

it doesn’t matter what DD chooses - it’ll be sweet or funny and could well be Peppa Pig or socks with squirrels on. We shall see. She loves choosing presents as I do.

I am so happy she is at an age where she can choose me presents that she thinks I will love.

Oh do come and tell us what you got, I'd love to know what she's picked.

Namechangingagain111 · 18/03/2023 21:35

RedToothBrush · 18/03/2023 20:31

Mothers Day is consumer bollocks and you are ridiculous.

This.

The level of expectation is ridiculous !

DMLady · 18/03/2023 21:35

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:33

@Itsmyturnnow1 - the point is, DH didn’t try. I suppose it’s akin to buying him a Man City shirt if he was a ManU fan? As in, totally unsuitable and a bit of a piss take really. He’s the one responsible for upsetting DD as far as I’m concerned, couldn’t be arsed to try harder and didn’t care enough to help her get something suitable. Didn’t have to be perfect, just not what they got originally.

I’m sorry, OP, but the fact YOU raised this with your DD means you’re the one responsible for upsetting her as far as I can see. Why mention it to her if she’s too young to do anything about it? If your DH is good in other ways, then let it go. If he’s not, then that’s a whole other issue…

tachetastic · 18/03/2023 21:36

You mean you've made such a fuss over making sure that your Mother's Day is perfect that your DD is now crying over her failure to please you?

Really?

kirkandpetal · 18/03/2023 21:36

OP - you really need to step back and think about the message you gave sent your daughter over presents. Poor wee soul, she'll prob always worry that a present for you isn't up to scratch.

DashboardConfessional · 18/03/2023 21:37

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:29

@GiltEdges - there is a bit of me regretting not doing that. But it really really was something DH knew wouldn’t be right. I have no idea why he got it in the first place (well I do - a job ticked off his list and zero thought involved). I’d have been wearing it forevermore if I’d pretended I liked it.

Which is it? You'd have been stuck wearing the hideous thing or you'd never have worn it due to an allergy?

Lipfloss · 18/03/2023 21:38

OP you're missing the point, you made your DD cry over a mother's day present, thanks fucking atrocious behaviour. Its not about having a low bar for their partners or whatever else you're saying to try and justify your abhorrent behaviour, it's about making your own child actually cry over it.

Theunamedcat · 18/03/2023 21:38

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 21:30

Our family have always done gifts so it’s not about that. It’s also not about value, though we are not too poor to spend a few pounds on something decent. It’s about lack of thought and planning by DH, that has led to DD especially being upset about having nothing to give. She thought he was switching out the first gift. He just returned it and didn’t replace it.

Fuck it, the gift was some jewelry that I would never have been able to wear because of an allergy. DH has known of this allergy for 25 years! There is no way he didn’t know I wouldn’t have been able to wear it. But choosing not to replace it, being annoyed that I pointed out I couldn’t possibly wear this thing, surely that’s wrong? He had over a week to get an alternative sorted after DD let slip. She would have been more upset to get me something I was unable to wear/use than have this pointed out in advance of the day so she and DH could get something else. Or so I thought.

I appreciate not everyone does M Day the same but we’ve always (until now) made it a thing. He will be expecting something nice on Father’s Day. Might not get it now tho!

My ex did this constantly buying me gold or gold plated im allergic I can't wear it I couldn't wear my own WEDDING RING FFS I had to buy a titanium replacement but he thought gold earrings would be "fine" or a different gold ring would be "fine" then because they weren't he kicked off and refused to buy me so much as a teddy bear because I was "fussy" and even that had to be last minute drama shite now I get nothing off my sons because they have been conditioned to believe I'm insanely difficult to buy for (im really not im a chocoholic who loves teddy bears) so I get naff all unless my dd arranges something so I don't bother with fathers day either fuck him im not trading time money and effort for stress drama and aggravation

Rosebel · 18/03/2023 21:38

Why on Earth do you expect more than a cup of tea in bed and some flowers? DS has made me a card at nursery and I know my teenagers went out to get me a present today but I wouldn't care if they hadn't and I will be grateful whatever they have brought.
It's just Mothers Day. I can't get over how entitled some people are over it.

Lipfloss · 18/03/2023 21:39

kirkandpetal · 18/03/2023 21:36

OP - you really need to step back and think about the message you gave sent your daughter over presents. Poor wee soul, she'll prob always worry that a present for you isn't up to scratch.

Hopefully she never bothers again now her mum has shown her true spoilt colours.

OuiLaLa · 18/03/2023 21:39

I bet it’s not just Mother’s Day is it op? My DH can be very shit at celebrations, he just falls apart when he is meant to organise nice stuff. If he gets it half done then I call it a win, as long as I am happy overall. So I’m coming from a place of sympathy.

Definitely row back on your presents to him and his family. It made me feel like such a mug making his days really special and then getting an unhappy and guilty husband fail to do the basics for me so no nice day and a difficult atmosphere to boot.

i manage this stuff much more now to avoid disappointment and we have more open discussions. I wouldn’t feel bad for talking about it a few times.

I definitely think not mentioning it to the children again until they are old enough to sort it entirely themselves.

apparently I found this thread quite triggering 😆😬

Spectre8 · 18/03/2023 21:39

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 21:08

Wow! Some people here really are martyrs. You’d be happy with a £1 bunch of daffs at the last minute? Really?! When you always put time and effort into everyone else’s gifts? And spend your life making life nice and cozy for your DCs? And when, as a family, we do usually set the bar much higher. You’d be happy to be the afterthought, given the equivalent of petrol station flowers for want of a lack of forethought. Fair enough, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I should be grateful for the tiny scraps I’m thrown.

Definitely not a martyr. I place value on moments, experiences over things. Then again my social circle family and friends all have an understanding not to buy each other gifts and its time with a person that is more important and valuable. Id rather a phonecall on my bday or hanging out then gifts. Someone giving me their time is what I value the most.

And yes if someone got me flowers I dotn care if flowers where from petrol station or cost £1 or were picked for free. Its not the value of the item or where they got it from that matters.

And if you decide to put lots of time and effort into the gifts you buy that is your choice! If your choosing to give someone a gift then how much time you spend picking and deciding is on you, dont make other people feel crap if they choose not too.

You sound quite materialistic tbh

Theunamedcat · 18/03/2023 21:39

Lipfloss · 18/03/2023 21:39

Hopefully she never bothers again now her mum has shown her true spoilt colours.

Show quote history

Or unlike her father she will remember her mum has an allergy

JudgeJ · 18/03/2023 21:39

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:33

@Itsmyturnnow1 - the point is, DH didn’t try. I suppose it’s akin to buying him a Man City shirt if he was a ManU fan? As in, totally unsuitable and a bit of a piss take really. He’s the one responsible for upsetting DD as far as I’m concerned, couldn’t be arsed to try harder and didn’t care enough to help her get something suitable. Didn’t have to be perfect, just not what they got originally.

If he's a Man U fan then he deserves a Man C shirt! Just a side comment there.

PinkSyCo · 18/03/2023 21:40

Show your disappointment with your husband behind the scenes if you must, but I think it’s really mean of you to involve your daughter. How old is the poor kid?

NorthernDrizzle · 18/03/2023 21:40

They have ordered something in line for your

As a mother even if it is a camel turd you love it and it is the best gift ever and exactly what you always wanted.

Shoxfordian · 18/03/2023 21:41

Your daughter is hopefully getting the message that her Mum doesn’t take any shit when her husband has made no effort - that’s actually not a bad lesson. Also a present you’re allergic to isn’t a present.

Theunamedcat · 18/03/2023 21:41

Personally I wouldn't bother doing gifts for his mother or fathers day again I mean how easy is it

Dad I want that one! no darling mums allergic to that let's find something else

Dead simple

SunshineAndMonsteras · 18/03/2023 21:42

He ordered unsitable present because that is what DD thought you wanted.

At least one parent tried to do the right thing.

Time4achangeagain · 18/03/2023 21:42

Nimbostratus100 · 18/03/2023 20:28

Its just Mothering Sunday. Are you a servant returning to your mother church for the day? If so, enjoy, if not, why bother with the whole artifice built up around it , largely invented by greeting card manufacturers, which inevitably leads to guilt, pressure, expectations, wasted money and disappointment?

😆

user1473878824 · 18/03/2023 21:42

Nimbostratus100 · 18/03/2023 20:28

Its just Mothering Sunday. Are you a servant returning to your mother church for the day? If so, enjoy, if not, why bother with the whole artifice built up around it , largely invented by greeting card manufacturers, which inevitably leads to guilt, pressure, expectations, wasted money and disappointment?

🙄

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