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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH organized nothing for tomorrow

346 replies

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:14

Just found out DH has not organised anything for tomorrow. He did this once before but it was just as Covid hit so I wasn’t too upset, hard to go into shops etc and Amazon deliveries all over the place. I’d mentioned something I’d like to him and DD. DS is too little to know. DD tried to advise DH on this and they ordered something totally awful online last week. DD let slip and I told her that maybe she and DH might want to swap it as she’d misinterpreted what I’d said… Said something to DH now about looking forward to what they’d chosen as an alternative once the misunderstanding had been cleared up and he told me they hadn’t got anything else. DD now crying as DH didn’t sort anything else. She is also too young to go to shops alone.

AIBU to think DH is crap? I always get him ace presents and bought gifts and cards for both my DM and his!

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 18/03/2023 20:50

Very poor. I'd be very hurt.

PatchworkElmer · 18/03/2023 20:51

Poor little girl thinking she’s ruined your day 😢

I think your husband has been thoughtless but I couldn’t have been that frank with her. Too young to be able to choose something without help but old enough to be told her gift is crap? Ouch.

Changingplace · 18/03/2023 20:53

I think you’ve been awful to your poor dd, why did you even know what the gift was? Surely you’d have got it tomorrow?

You've set a really bad example to her, you should always just accept a gift with gratitude - even if you’d exchanged it later!!

No wonder your DH didn’t bother getting you anything else, I wouldn’t have done either tbh, you sound hard work and a bit spoilt.

Prinnny · 18/03/2023 20:53

You say you can’t say what the actual gift is because it’s too ‘outing’ or is it that it just confirms you’ve acted terribly towards your poor daughter? The girls in tears because you turned your nose up at her gift!

bakewellbride · 18/03/2023 20:54

@PatchworkElmer yep, this.

You should've acted happy with whatever you receive. Sure it's Mother's Day but dd's feelings should still come first 365 days of the year. You've hurt her feelings and this 'misinterpreting' drama is just ott.

Original poster
Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:55

@Led9519 - that’s exactly it. The ‘incorrect’ gift was returned last week. It truly was hideous and DH should have persuaded her away from it. He didn’t. DD is upset tonight as she realized that DH did not bother to organise a replacement. I would never have left the DC with no gift to give on Father’s Day, or a birthday or at Xmas. It’s just mean.

@determinedtomakethiswork - exactly. He really would have been better getting nothing than the first gift. Maybe some people are happy to set a low bar. In our family, traditionally we do make a fuss of people on these occasions. Except DH couldn’t be arsed this year… and DD suffers the fallout. She believed DH had got something else this week. He hadn’t/forgot/couldn’t be arsed.

OP posts:
blumppump · 18/03/2023 20:56

Too young to be able to choose something without help but old enough to be told her gift is crap? Ouch.

Yeah. This.

Minimummonday · 18/03/2023 20:57

It's shit, isn't it. Especially as you'll be asked why you bought things for his mum too! (Which is what normal families do but this is mumsnet!)

they don’t

ilovesooty · 18/03/2023 20:59

kitnkaboodle · 18/03/2023 20:33

What a lot of hard work ... hopefully your DH will take the hint and nip out in the morning for a card and some daffs ... or wouldn't that do??

It sounds as though the OP has higher expectations. What a ridiculous fuss. Why does it need more than a cuppa in bed, a card and a bunch of flowers? It's not a milestone birthday or something.

NancyJoan · 18/03/2023 20:59

We don’t do gifts for MD, Valentine’s etc, but if, for example, DH helped the DC choose me a piece of silver jewellery, when I’ve only worn gold for the last 20 years, I would absolutely ask for it to be changed.

Loraloralaughs · 18/03/2023 21:00

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veggiegestational · 18/03/2023 21:02

Im having a lie in while hubby takes toddler out then I'm going out to have some fun all on my own while they stay home!

Not bothered about a card or gift. She brought me one home from nursery anyway

ToBeFrancesca · 18/03/2023 21:02

DashboardConfessional · 18/03/2023 20:34

I know you don't want to be outing but there is no present "wrong" enough that I would ever upset my DS over it.

I was thinking this! I've had some bizarre and atrocious things over the years, and I love them all.

Namechanger355 · 18/03/2023 21:03

Op you sound awful tbh

For me flowers and a card would be perfect

but even if I got a gift and it wasn’t exactly right I’d suck it up and be gracious

you have upset your daughter because her gift has disappointed you and she didn’t get a chance to correct that

so it’s all on you not your DH - how cruel you are

Christmasbahhumbug · 18/03/2023 21:04

how do you think it will play out in the morning? I get that you are disappointed but really think you need to find a way to rescue the day for DD. Could you ask DH to nip out with her first thing for a choc bar/card and then act delighted to hopefully repair all of this?

FiveHundredDucksWentOutOneDay · 18/03/2023 21:04

Too young to be able to choose something without help but old enough to be told her gift is crap? Ouch.

This.
If I’m honest, I’m also a tiny bit sad that DH hasn’t planned anything at all for us to do tomorrow, as DS is still a baby… but I’m struggling with the above!

I think I’d be REALLY playing down Mother’s Day this year as a result of the above.

IBelieveInAThingCalledScience · 18/03/2023 21:05

Nomothersdayforme · 18/03/2023 20:55

@Led9519 - that’s exactly it. The ‘incorrect’ gift was returned last week. It truly was hideous and DH should have persuaded her away from it. He didn’t. DD is upset tonight as she realized that DH did not bother to organise a replacement. I would never have left the DC with no gift to give on Father’s Day, or a birthday or at Xmas. It’s just mean.

@determinedtomakethiswork - exactly. He really would have been better getting nothing than the first gift. Maybe some people are happy to set a low bar. In our family, traditionally we do make a fuss of people on these occasions. Except DH couldn’t be arsed this year… and DD suffers the fallout. She believed DH had got something else this week. He hadn’t/forgot/couldn’t be arsed.

Nothing could persuade me to return a present from my young DC, let alone put them in the position you put your daughter in.

You accuse people of "setting a low bar", but your lack of basic manners and empathy is, quite frankly, subterranean

Spectre8 · 18/03/2023 21:05

This is why I'm glad my family and I dont do this bollocks. We all buy what we like when we need it. No bs over buying gifts and not picking the right one.

We do occasionally buy surprise gifts on milestone stuff but on things we know theyblike e.g. sister loves perfumes. She would never kick off if we didn't get her favourite one she would be happy with what she received.

Honestly was it worth it though, getting upset over this, ur daughter upset too over a materialistic item. Sheash. You could of just accepted it and theb exchanged it if it bothered u so much.

GuiltyPleasure · 18/03/2023 21:06

Your DH did order something, it just wasn't to your liking, so rather than be gracious and accepting it in the spirit it was intended, you've upset your DD because you've told her that the gift was wrong and she can't provide the gift that meets your expectations. I feel sad for your DD.

OnlyFannys · 18/03/2023 21:06

When kids are small I think a nice picture they have taken the time to draw is a perfectly lovely gift, I do think mothers day is a bit daft tho

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 18/03/2023 21:06

Minimummonday · 18/03/2023 20:57

It's shit, isn't it. Especially as you'll be asked why you bought things for his mum too! (Which is what normal families do but this is mumsnet!)

they don’t

So glad someone else picked up on this. It's not "what normal families do" and maybe OP should stop doing it as obviously she has an expectation of her husband that he's not prepared to live up for either OP or his own mother.

kirkandpetal · 18/03/2023 21:06

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

This. 100%

Wotnowconfused · 18/03/2023 21:07

Your title is not quite true. He did organise something and you derided his efforts and knocked back the present.
Of course he might have not excelled himself but he hasn't done nothing. Maybe he has something else organised.

kirinm · 18/03/2023 21:07

I think you place too much importance on the day tbh.

I'm hoping for a coffee in bed ideally alone but probably not. That is honestly enough.

Why so grown women get so wound up about this sort of stuff?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 18/03/2023 21:08

I was thinking this! I've had some bizarre and atrocious things over the years, and I love them all.

I agree. It's a shitty attitude to act otherwise, so ungrateful.