So upset. DP called DD this
peachesandcreamz · 18/03/2023 18:38
For a bit of context, I’m currently going through a miscarriage and I’ve been feeling absolutely shit and tired/weepy all day. DD (8) wanted to bake which I said I’d do but I felt so poorly I couldn’t face it.
DD had the biggest meltdown, started screaming at the top of her lungs, knocked the dining chair over, ragged my phone out of my hand (I was calling her dad to get some support).
DP is obviously trying to support me and hated seeing DD screech at me and talk to me like shit. He lost his patience with her and called her a “spoilt little brat” 😢. This then made things a hell of a lot worse, and DD was even more hysterical. I tried getting her to go to her room which she point blank refused and things just escalated from there, which riled DP even more. I just cried and felt despair.
Obviously DP isn’t DD’s dad. We don’t live together and I said I think it’s best if he goes home for the night.
I’m annoyed with DD for reacting so badly but at the same time, she has no idea what I’m going through. It wasn’t DP’s place to lose his shit with her, was it?
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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GiltEdges · 18/03/2023 18:41
She's 8. In the absence of any kind of SEN that you've failed to mention, I think "spoilt little brat" was mild in the circumstances.
Xrays · 18/03/2023 18:41
Well it’s not great but it’s not the worst thing anyone could have said. It was said when you were all very upset and angry. What’s he normally like with her?
Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It sounds like dd is just picking up on the atmosphere, which you can’t help, but I think she was just obviously excited about baking as from a child’s point of view she probably thought that would “fix things”. (I remember being that child in a very similar situation).
Redglitter · 18/03/2023 18:41
From what you've described I'd have to agree with him. That's appalling behaviour
whattodo8 · 18/03/2023 18:41
Yeah I don't think this was too bad tbh. If he called her a nasty little cunt I would think otherwise! She does sound like she was being a brat providing you explained why you couldn't do it and didn't have a go at her in a mean way to prompt her reaction.
35965a · 18/03/2023 18:42
He was stating a fact, if my 8yo was acting like that I’d probably say the same to them
Undisclosedlocation · 18/03/2023 18:42
I’m sorry for your loss OP
At 8 that is not even remotely acceptable behaviour tbh and Id have to agree with you DH, she was behaving like a spoilt brat. Sorry but I don’t think he’s in the wrong here
SirVixofVixHall · 18/03/2023 18:42
Sapphire387 · 18/03/2023 18:40
Sounds like she was being a spoilt little brat tbh.
Sorry but I agree with this. She does need to know how other people will view this sort of behaviour.
I am see that it can be harder hearing this from someone else who isn’t her parent, but under the circs I can understand why he said it.
I am very sorry for your loss.
arethereanyleftatall · 18/03/2023 18:42
Utterly unacceptable behaviour from an 8 yo. 3 maybe. 8 , no.
onepieceoflollipop · 18/03/2023 18:42
I think it depends exactly what happened did he ‘just’ call her a spoilt brat? However as you go on to say he lost his shit then this depends on what you mean by that?
sorry to hear of your miscarriage, very sad and upsetting and of course affects you physically. At 8 your dd probably isn’t aware of what’s going on other than you are unwell?
what can you do now to reassure her? Is she able to spend time with her dad? Could you do another activity with her perhaps order some food and try to calm things down for both of you?
Lwrenagain · 18/03/2023 18:43
I'm sorry you're having a MC, you're both having a shit time, I know it's your body but he's seeing you in pain and he's just struggling to cope.
He could have said much worse, I'd let this slide given situation.
tenterden · 18/03/2023 18:43
I agree with PP. I imagine your DP is also very upset about the miscarriage.
Hopefully you can talk it through.
Spangasspikeywig · 18/03/2023 18:43
He held back as far as I can see. She really was acting like a brat.
user1473878824 · 18/03/2023 18:43
I’m so sorry for your loss OP, you must be having the worst day not helped by this but you’re being hugely unreasonable I’m afraid. She’s eight, not three. And was acting like a spoilt little brat.
saveforthat · 18/03/2023 18:43
I came on here thinking he called her a bitch or a cunt. Spoilt brat sounds rather appropriate
NuffSaidSam · 18/03/2023 18:43
I don't think calling her a spoilt little brat is the same as 'losing his shit with her'. Unless he screamed it into her face.
It's not ideal obviously, but is your parenting absolutely ideal 100% of the time?
Probably the right decision to get him to go home and give everyone some space. It sounds like your DD has a lot to deal with at the moment.
fUNNYfACE36 · 18/03/2023 18:43
He was supporting you and I really don't think what he said?was even slightly out of order
NameChangeSadness · 18/03/2023 18:43
I would have called her the same TBH.
He was restrained in the circumstances.
PotKettel · 18/03/2023 18:44
Sorry for you and your partners loss. Hard to think clearly with so much going on, but personally I wouldn’t send dp out of the house for this. He’s losing a baby too.
1FootInTheRave · 18/03/2023 18:44
He isn't wrong.
Her behaviour is completely unacceptable.
Rockingcloggs · 18/03/2023 18:44
I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. You have my sympathy, it's horrendous.
However, your 8 year old was being a spoilt brat and sometimes, I think they need to know they are. I'm with your DP.
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