AIBU?
So upset. DP called DD this
peachesandcreamz · 18/03/2023 18:38
Hello,
For a bit of context, I’m currently going through a miscarriage and I’ve been feeling absolutely shit and tired/weepy all day. DD (8) wanted to bake which I said I’d do but I felt so poorly I couldn’t face it.
DD had the biggest meltdown, started screaming at the top of her lungs, knocked the dining chair over, ragged my phone out of my hand (I was calling her dad to get some support).
DP is obviously trying to support me and hated seeing DD screech at me and talk to me like shit. He lost his patience with her and called her a “spoilt little brat” 😢. This then made things a hell of a lot worse, and DD was even more hysterical. I tried getting her to go to her room which she point blank refused and things just escalated from there, which riled DP even more. I just cried and felt despair.
Obviously DP isn’t DD’s dad. We don’t live together and I said I think it’s best if he goes home for the night.
I’m annoyed with DD for reacting so badly but at the same time, she has no idea what I’m going through. It wasn’t DP’s place to lose his shit with her, was it?
Am I being unreasonable?
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Ameadowwalk · 18/03/2023 18:45
And he couldn’t bake with her or do something else with her why?
That apart, did he call her a spoilt little brat, or tell her she was behaving like a spoilt little brat? I think there is a difference.
I am sorry about your miscarriage. But if your DP is wanting to bring a baby into this situation, he really should be able to help look after your DD without you having to call her dad for some support.
cactiminds · 18/03/2023 18:45
Sorry to hear about your miscarriage OP, but if you are planning to have children with this man and he is heavily involved in your child’s life, I think you need to allow him to discipline her. It sounds like you struggle with that (calling her dad for support when she kicks off) and maybe you and your DP parent very differently. But she was acting like a spoilt brat.
Hellocatshome · 18/03/2023 18:45
I think sometimes people forget that whilst you are having to deal.with a miscarriage both physically and mentally your DP is having to deal with the miscarriage emotionally and perhaps is less patient than he normally would be. I know you said DD isn't his but if you are calling him for support with her behaviour then he is entitled to his opinion on her behaviour and in his opinion at this time she was being a spoilt brat.
ASignfromabove · 18/03/2023 18:45
I thought the name he called her was going to be worse. It’s not ideal and probably didn’t make any of it any easier though, so it wasn’t helpful.
Like others have said, maybe she was picking up on the atmosphere. DD might have done this at a similar age. ND has since come to light.
SeasonFinale · 18/03/2023 18:46
She was acting like a spoilt little brat.
I am sorry for your loss which I assume is also DP's loss. You need to decide whether your partner is taking paternal role in DD's life (even if she has a dad) if this hasn't already been decided. What you have done is basically dismissed him as a father figure at the time he has also lost a child.
Even with what you are going through your DD should accept you saying no at the age of 8. Her behaviour was entirely unacceptable yet you punished him?
user1473878824 · 18/03/2023 18:46
what can you do now to reassure her? Is she able to spend time with her dad? Could you do another activity with her perhaps order some food and try to calm things down for both of you?
I wouldn’t reward her dreadful behaviour like this. Reassure her once she’s apologised but by eight she’s old enough to understand that you aren’t well and therefore can’t just do anything she wants to.
PeekAtYou · 18/03/2023 18:47
Spoilt little brat isn't as bad as I thought your post was going to say.
Your dd is 8 so should have dealt with her disappointment better. Presumably she's been told that you weren't well which should have meant sympathy and reassurance that you'd bake next weekend instead.
If you ever want your partner to move in then he needs to have the right to tell her off when necessary. She's not unreasonable to be disappointed but her behaviour went too far and spoilt little brat is appropriate way to describe it imo.
Pixiedust1234 · 18/03/2023 18:50
First of all I'm sorry for your loss 
However...your child is eight and behaved like this?? That is bloody awful behaviour from her and I'm surprised you are condoning it. Your DP is probably grieving too, worried about you as well, and your EIGHT year old throws a tantrum a two year old would be proud of?
If your child regularly behaves like this then you have a serious problem on your hands.
Divorcedalongtime · 18/03/2023 18:50
I can’t believe the comments here, I would never accept a partner talking to my daughter like that. She is 8 not 18 and just because she doesn’t have a diagnosis doesn’t mean she isn’t SEN, many are diagnosed much later in life, she may be struggling more than people understand.
I think your DP was totally wrong in this. Sorry to hear about the miscarriage
BelindaMelinda · 18/03/2023 18:52
You told her you couldn't bake so she screamed, knocked a chair over, hit your phone out of your hand and then point blank refused to do something you told her.
She's 8 years old, not 18 months. If that had been one of mine at 8 they'd have felt my hand on their backside. And yes, I know that's probably highly unpopular (and illegal nowadays bla bla) but it's true and I very much doubt I'm alone in that.
Reinventinganna · 18/03/2023 18:52
I’m sorry for your loss.
I wonder if dd knows more than you think or is acting out because she knows something is wrong.
I also think that your dp is probably also grieving so won’t be reacting as he would usually.
All of you are going through a rough time.
rainbowunicorn · 18/03/2023 18:52
Sorry for your loss OP. It must be very hard.
To be fair to your partner, your daughter was behaving like a spoiked brat.
Don't forget also the loss will be affecting him as well. He may just have seen her treating you so disrespectfuly and had to say something knowing what you were going through.
I think you and your partner probably need each others support just now. Maybe a chat with DD in a few days about how to behave in a nicer way.
MichelleScarn · 18/03/2023 18:53
DD had the biggest meltdown, started screaming at the top of her lungs, knocked the dining chair over, ragged my phone out of my hand (I was calling her dad to get some support).
Knocking furniture over, physically Knocking phone out of your hand, screaming and tantrums because you weren't up to making cakes?
Absolutely a brat and she'd be having privileges revoked!
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