AIBU?
So upset. DP called DD this
peachesandcreamz · 18/03/2023 18:38
Hello,
For a bit of context, I’m currently going through a miscarriage and I’ve been feeling absolutely shit and tired/weepy all day. DD (8) wanted to bake which I said I’d do but I felt so poorly I couldn’t face it.
DD had the biggest meltdown, started screaming at the top of her lungs, knocked the dining chair over, ragged my phone out of my hand (I was calling her dad to get some support).
DP is obviously trying to support me and hated seeing DD screech at me and talk to me like shit. He lost his patience with her and called her a “spoilt little brat” 😢. This then made things a hell of a lot worse, and DD was even more hysterical. I tried getting her to go to her room which she point blank refused and things just escalated from there, which riled DP even more. I just cried and felt despair.
Obviously DP isn’t DD’s dad. We don’t live together and I said I think it’s best if he goes home for the night.
I’m annoyed with DD for reacting so badly but at the same time, she has no idea what I’m going through. It wasn’t DP’s place to lose his shit with her, was it?
Am I being unreasonable?
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Mumuser124 · 18/03/2023 19:40
I personally feel you owe your partner an apology. She was behaving like a spoilt brat. It’s an unkind term but they way your daughter was behaving was even more unkind. Just because a child gets pulled up on bad behaviour, doesn’t mean they are unloved. It’s probably a lesson she needed to learn.
Jazzabel · 18/03/2023 19:40
Sounds like she was being a brat. At 8 she should be able to express her emotions without acting up. I don’t see anything wrong with him calling her that and perhaps when things have calmed down you can all have a talk about it. She’s probably more upset because she knows it’s unacceptable behaviour and got called out in it. I was called a brat when I acted like one. Can’t say it had any bad effect on me.
Sorry for your loss op
Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 19:41
Angelik · 18/03/2023 19:11
Wait, what! Are you people even human? She's 8. She's knows something awful has happened but doesn't understand cos she's 8. She's asked to spend time with her mum because she loves her mum and can see her mum is sad. Also she has no other parent to talk to or can see is looking after her mum. When mum can't do the fun, she is disappointed and sad and frustrated and doesn't know what to do COS SHE'S 8 .Then some boyfriend calls her a brat! Poor child.
I agree.
I’m sorry for what you are going through OP.
You are completely right that it was extremely inappropriate for him to say this to your child.
Some posters just love to try and be controversial.
diddl · 18/03/2023 19:42
Just because she was behaving like a spoilt brat doesn't mean he needs to call her it.
I'd be very disappointed by that.
What's he usually like with her?
Is it usual for her to react so badly to being told that something can't happen because Mummy isn't very well?
Annastacia1 · 18/03/2023 19:43
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pettysquabbles · 18/03/2023 19:43
peachesandcreamz · 18/03/2023 19:06
It's really difficult because I’m fiercely protective over DD and I often hold DP to standards that probably aren’t realistic. Especially in this case. But part of me thinks that if I can keep it together then he should be able to too?
I am beginning to question whether there’s a possibility of autism.
I'm not sure your relationship will last with that approach.
MysteryBelle · 18/03/2023 19:44
Your dp is too nice, that’s the only fault I find in him. I advise him to think about what may be best for him in the future with a lovely partner and family who are at the same high level in character as he is. Something he doesn’t have right now.
It is clear that your foolish behavior is the reason for your D’s appalling, spoiled brat, classless tantrums. You’re like that woman in the quote, a foolish woman tears down her house with both hands.
MeinKraft · 18/03/2023 19:44
Angelik · 18/03/2023 19:11
Wait, what! Are you people even human? She's 8. She's knows something awful has happened but doesn't understand cos she's 8. She's asked to spend time with her mum because she loves her mum and can see her mum is sad. Also she has no other parent to talk to or can see is looking after her mum. When mum can't do the fun, she is disappointed and sad and frustrated and doesn't know what to do COS SHE'S 8 .Then some boyfriend calls her a brat! Poor child.
Agree, she was being naughty but she is 8. It is one thing for mum or dad to point out the child is being a spoilt brat but a boyfriend or girlfriend- no.
Brefugee · 18/03/2023 19:46
Going against the grain but unless your partner has been around a long time and established as a step dad figure then it’s not his place to parent your daughter and certainly not to call a child names. This would be a red flag for me.
well, the mum wasn't parenting (for whatever reason) even in the throes of my worst MC if one of my DCs started throwing furniture around i'd have called them a brat myself. And there would be consequences to come for that behaviour. Slapping a phone out of my hand? throwing furniture? having a tantrum?
The red flag here is waving loud and strong at the DP here. He needs to decide if he wants this to be his life. In his position? I'd be bailing.
Annastacia1 · 18/03/2023 19:46
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MeinKraft · 18/03/2023 19:46
Standbyguest · 18/03/2023 19:44
I'd have called her a lot worse. How is spoilt little brat bad when she's an 8 year old throwing a tantrum when her mum is sick?
Because when a child is acting like that it's the adults job to de escalate things, not make it worse by name calling.
Alishaattic · 18/03/2023 19:48
Op I was expecting this post to say he called her a c* or something equally awful. Spoilt little brat is befitting of the situation.. I would've called my 4 year old that let alone my 8 year old. Sorry for your loss but I think you may be quite sensitive given the circumstances.
MichelleScarn · 18/03/2023 19:48
Brefugee · 18/03/2023 19:36
It wasn’t DP’s place to lose his shit with her, was it?
well, you weren't handling it were you? How can you let her behave like that, and then say your DP wasn't to tell her off? DP if you're reading: you're better off out of this. The bratty behaviour won't stop, her mum isn't doing anything to stop it and apparently you just have to put up with it.
Well as long as he realises he'll always be wrong, should be aware that according to some he can be told to leave the house at any time if he does something the 8yo is unhappy with, he'll be golden!
MeinKraft · 18/03/2023 19:48
MysteryBelle · 18/03/2023 19:44
Your dp is too nice, that’s the only fault I find in him. I advise him to think about what may be best for him in the future with a lovely partner and family who are at the same high level in character as he is. Something he doesn’t have right now.
It is clear that your foolish behavior is the reason for your D’s appalling, spoiled brat, classless tantrums. You’re like that woman in the quote, a foolish woman tears down her house with both hands.
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