Why do people get upset if I say that I don’t believe in love?

[CantAskAnyoneElse]

To be clear, I son’t start lecturing anyone, it’s just that quite often friend or family members ask me how come I never have a partner etc.
Usually I just shrug my shoulders and try move the topic, but few times I’ve said honestly that I just don’t believe love is an actual thing.
Once again, I don’t start speeches, just quick honest remark and move the topic.
Never said anything about anyone else’s partners/lack off…

And let me tell you!
This does NOT go well.
People are adamant I am wrong, sad I’ve ’given up hope’ (I haven’t, it just was never there), soon I’ll meet someone and change my mind (doubtfull) and how I can’t say something like that.

Why not?
I do not understand, at all.

[GandhiDeclaredWarOnYou]

Obviously love exists, it’s been experienced by billions of people as long as there have been people.

And before that too, I expect.

Just because you personally don’t experience it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Haven’t you got an older couple in your life that clearly love each other? Haven’t you grown up around loving relationships?

If not, you have my sympathy.

Love isn’t the sparkly infatuation, it’s being in it for the long haul and weathering a lot of shit through the years.

[Ovidnaso]

It's probably because you're denying and invalidating their feelings and experiences, which is hurtful and creates disconnect between people.

They're trying to bridge this by trying to understand you.

However, it is rude of them to ask you such questions in the first place.

[Fimofriend]

Just because someone is blind it doesn't mean that colours don't exist for other people.

[DataScienceNoob]

@Fimofriend

Just because someone is blind it doesn't mean that colours don't exist for other people.

Beautiful way of saying it x

[IncompleteSenten]

This thread has made me really think about what love is to me.
I'm not sure I know now! 🤣

My kids drive me potty at times but I feel an overwhelming urge to protect them. Even though they are grown men now! I feel good when they're happy. I feel upset if they are struggling. I feel angry if someone hurts them. I think they're fab!

My husband - I enjoy his company. We have a lot of laughs together. He knows me really well. I know him really well. We can tell when something is bothering the other.

We can communicate in a crowded room by looking at each other. That's a weird one. You'll know it if you experience it too 😁. I can ask him a simple question and he can answer yes or no just by us looking at each other. Like, shall we get out of here? Hell yes. That sort of thing.

We've been married 25 years. I think that sort of ability evolves over time.

There's no lust. We'd both rather have a good cup of tea and an early night 🤣

I don't really miss him when he's not here unless he's gone a long time. He's currently away for a couple of weeks. It's weird when he's away kind of like the feeling you get when you feel like you forgot something but you can't remember what it was. A niggle. But I wouldn't say I miss him. He'll be back. We're texting. 🤷

I feel like romantic love is better described as pair bonding. Like swans.

[Thelaughingtonepoliceman]

I think part of the problem is that if someone doesn’t gush over about it, it’s called ’bitternes’, that’s just silly and untrue.

I agree with this.

I wouldn’t say I don’t believe in love because I love plenty of people but I don’t believe in romance and people do get very offended and upset by this.

I do think the kneejerk assumption that dissent from commonly held views about what a relationship should look like = bitterness is exceptionally childish and defensive but you get it on here all the time.

If, for example, you pass judgment on someone else’s relationship and then reveal you are not married you will be told you are bitter and jealous by default. People can be incredibly inflexible and small minded.

[whatadaythatwas]

I'm with the OP, I feel a sense of duty and obligation to family members, but love, nah tried that when younger it's a shit emotion I have no time for

[CantAskAnyoneElse]

@Choconut

Didn't you as a child feel loved by your parents? I know we see their flaws as we grow up but still.... didn't you love you parents as a child? Don't you think you could feel that same feeling for another adult? Love doesn't have to be gushy, it's about feeling safe, trusting, looking out for each other, working together - just being a team with someone else to support each other. I don't know how you don't think that exists.

Do you mean love just doesn't seem to be a feeling you feel - or do you mean you don't think love exists for anyone? They're quite different things.

No, I didn’t ’feel’ loved by them, there was nothing there. They clearly only had a kid, because that’s what your supposed to do.

No, I don’t love them, I wish them no harm, but I don’t love them, there is nothing to love about them.
And I don’t think anyone owns their parents love just because they are parents.

Also someone in the comments ask if I have kids (no I don’t) and said they donmt understan how parent could not love their child. I promise you that is a thing. Not all parent love their kids, I would know.

Yeah, it doesn’t have to be gushy, but the rest you write, that’s just talking about someone who is convenient to you, who do things for you etc.
I don’t think that’s love.

These are just my own beliefs, I don’t care what other do or feel or want to call it, that’s none of my business.
They can call whatever they want as love, I’ll just nod and doze off.

[Donnashair]

I don’t get the ‘because other people experience it and if you don’t believe them it upsets and undermines them’

How? If a Christian asks me why I haven’t found Jesus yet and I say ‘I don’t believe in God or Jesus’ and that person felt upset and undermind, most people would agree I didn’t do anything wrong and that it’s not reflection of their beliefs. It’s not belittling them.

Would anyone be calling me bitter and jealous because I don’t believe in a concept that millions, whole heartedly believe in?

[Jujuj]

Because it’s not about you - it’s about them. THEY believe love exists.
It’s fine for your truth to be ‘love doesn’t exist’, but once you say it allowed to them they almost hear it as ‘your relationship is a farce and the thing you call love doesn’t exist’.

[CahierNumberSixPlease]

I don't believe in romantic love either. I have a DD who I adore but that's not the same as being "in love" with a person. Just because me, the OP, or anybody else holds that view why should others be upset about it if they truly think that kind of love exists? If it leaves them feeling bewildered or defensive then maybe they aren't "in love" at all and the thought frightens them. If they were secure in their knowledge that romantic love is what they feel then it shouldn't bother them what others feel or think should it?

[Liz1tummypain]

Some people haven't, and don't get to experience, love. Others do. It's probably seems a bit pessimistic to write off all hope whilst you're still relatively young.

If we don't experience feeling loved as children by a certain age, then I've heard it can be extremely hard to understand, accept and then return love when we're older. My friend's ( 19 year ) marriage broke down for that reason. Her ex just couldn't return the love she felt for him. She kept hoping he'd learn to do it but he couldn't. He's just not capable of doing it. I'm not saying this has to be the case for you, OP, but it's worth bearing it in mind.

[Fizzadora]

What is having a partner necessarily to do with being in love. The two situations are not mutually exclusive.

[Augend23]

I mean I think it's pretty different saying "I don't experience love as an emotion" from saying "I don't believe love exists at all (including for all you other people who clearly do) and therefore believe the emotion on which you have based probably a significant number of major life decisions is nothing but a load of nonsense ".

One is just about you, the other makes a judgement about others as well.

[StaunchMomma]

@Donnashair

Op has said they are talking about romantic love.

Why is it bollocks for someone to not agree with you?

It's like people who've never had an orgasm saying they don't exist.

That too would be bollox!

[Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday]

It’s a bit of a strange thing to say - have you never felt love for a family member, a friend, a pet? Saying you don’t believe in it suggests it doesn’t exist which invalidates how they feel. I can see why it riles people into debate.

saying you don’t believe you’ll find romantic love is one this, saying it doesn’t exist (the implication being - for anyone) is quite different

[Thatdarncat4]

I don’t believe any of us can say ‘we are truly loving beings’ we all sit back and witness atrocities in this life unfold in front of our very eyes. If love truly existed we would be able to replicate it and spread it and have world peace. Love a chemical reaction? Not sure about that pseudoscience? The urge to reproduce and find a mate? That is an instinct and will incur a chemical reaction. Love is a concept. OP you live your life believing in what you believe in its coming across as very desperate needy people on here and they are trying to validate love by dismissing your own feelings on the matter. And the comment about the blind person that’s just cruel! Philosophically we named colors as a human race we named then blind people can name colors too it doesn’t mean they don’t exist! Just that YOUR colors don’t exist in their world.

[Thatdarncat4]

@StaunchMomma

It's like people who've never had an orgasm saying they don't exist.

That too would be bollox!

Orgasms have a physical entity love doesn’t.

[DanceMonster]

@CahierNumberSixPlease

I don't believe in romantic love either. I have a DD who I adore but that's not the same as being "in love" with a person. Just because me, the OP, or anybody else holds that view why should others be upset about it if they truly think that kind of love exists? If it leaves them feeling bewildered or defensive then maybe they aren't "in love" at all and the thought frightens them. If they were secure in their knowledge that romantic love is what they feel then it shouldn't bother them what others feel or think should it?

I can’t say I’d be offended by someone saying it to me, because I know it exists. I’d probably just feel a bit sorry for them that they hadn't experienced it. I guess though people may be offended because by saying it doesn’t exist suggests you think other people are either lying about being in love or that they’re wrong, and they just think they’re in love. It’s an implied judgement of them/their relationship.

[Donnashair]

@StaunchMomma

It's like people who've never had an orgasm saying they don't exist.

That too would be bollox!

Not it’s not. Love is a concept. A concept that means hugely different things to different people.

If you believe orgasms are a concept, I feel bad for you.

[Talipesmum]

@Augend23

I mean I think it's pretty different saying "I don't experience love as an emotion" from saying "I don't believe love exists at all (including for all you other people who clearly do) and therefore believe the emotion on which you have based probably a significant number of major life decisions is nothing but a load of nonsense ".

One is just about you, the other makes a judgement about others as well.

Yes, this. If you say you don’t believe in love, it is saying that you think other people are kidding themselves if they feel in love. It isn’t just a comment about yourself. I can believe that you haven’t ever felt or experienced it yourself - though I think that’s sad - but I think you’re being somewhat delusional to say that an emotion felt by billions of people across the world and through all recorded time does not exist.

[CandyLeBonBon]

I think it sounds like you had a difficult or neglectful childhood and that some in depth therapy would be useful to help you explore why you think love isn't real.

[CocoFifi]

If you don't believe in love, then that is up to you. We are all different. I love my husband with all my heart and I know it is reciprocated. Maybe one day your beliefs will change. Just tell people you are happy as you are and end the conversation

[LeaveAndNeverLookBack]

Caring about and having empathy for people is a form of love but romantic love is always lust and fades quite quickly!

[Mississippi6]

I just think it never works out, so not trying ever again.