Why do people get upset if I say that I don’t believe in love?

[CantAskAnyoneElse]

To be clear, I son’t start lecturing anyone, it’s just that quite often friend or family members ask me how come I never have a partner etc.
Usually I just shrug my shoulders and try move the topic, but few times I’ve said honestly that I just don’t believe love is an actual thing.
Once again, I don’t start speeches, just quick honest remark and move the topic.
Never said anything about anyone else’s partners/lack off…

And let me tell you!
This does NOT go well.
People are adamant I am wrong, sad I’ve ’given up hope’ (I haven’t, it just was never there), soon I’ll meet someone and change my mind (doubtfull) and how I can’t say something like that.

Why not?
I do not understand, at all.

[KickHimInTheCrotch]

I feel similarly but I don't express it as such. I obviously care for my family and I tell my kids I love them but romantic love does seem a fairly made up thing to me. It's a bit like religion I guess. But I just tell people that a relationship would offer no benefits to me, which is why I'm single.

[IncompleteSenten]

People believe in lots of things I don't believe in. And don't believe in things I do believe in.
Who cares if someone else has different beliefs? That's their problem. It doesn't change my beliefs.
She doesn't believe in (romantic I assume) love.
So what?
People who do believe in it, who do feel it, know that they are feeling it and that isn't diminished in any way because someone comes along and says they don't think it exists.

I love my husband.
If a friend turned round and said love isn't real I wouldn't go oh my god does that mean I don't love my husband how awful what will I do.

I'd say well, that's your experience but it's not mine. Let's agree to disagree.

If everyone was like that we wouldn't have a history filled with religious wars for a start.

People need to stop feeling an alternative belief is a personal attack.

[SignOnTheWindow]

Because they're touchy and insecure people, who've asked a personal question and then think your experience and belief is somehow undermining theirs.

If you said this to me, I'd be interested in your perspective and be keen to talk about it (if you were up for that). I wouldn't be trying to persuade you to think differently.

[Sunriseinwonderland]

I don't honestly think I've ever loved a man - I have been in lust with one but love....no.
But on the other hand I feel a fierce love for my adult DS and would do anything for him and I've definitely loved all of my cats and other pets.

[Donnashair]

Because love is one of the things we are never taught to question the existence of.

I believe in love. I don’t believe in romantic love in the same ways as others do. I don’t believe it has to be forever or failed. I don’t think staying to together forever is proof of love.

I think romantic love is usually based on how the other person makes us feel. They make us feel special, unique, irreplaceable, the most important person, funny, entertaining etc. So it’s often more about ourselves than the other person.

I think the romantic love you feel when you meet never lasts. I think once that’s gone you have to hope you have a really good, mutual respectful bond if you want something very long term and to be happy.

I also don’t believe that Love is the most important thing when deciding to get married. People don’t like it when you say this, because it’s assumed you are telling them that they are wrong in the way they view their other half or their relationship. People want you to believe what they do about their own relationship and if you don’t they feel unsure.

[waterlego]

I think it probably upsets people because it doesn’t make any sense. Love is a feeling, or a collection of feelings. Just because you personally have never experienced it and don’t believe it is something that exists for you, doesn’t mean that other people aren’t experiencing it.

It is a universal concept, spoken about by billions around the world, and has existed in art and text since man has been creating art and text! That in itself means it exists as a concept, whether you believe in it or not.

[CantAskAnyoneElse]

@IncompleteSenten

To clarify - you are talking about romantic love?
You're not basically telling your parents etc you don't love them? Cos if so I can see why they'd be upset 😁

Only in regard to dating, yes.
And only to people who are up my ass and ask often/multiple times.
And only talking about myself.

Also, thank you for the advice you gave.
”That sort of shit” gave me a laugh!

[Donnashair]

@waterlego

I think it probably upsets people because it doesn’t make any sense. Love is a feeling, or a collection of feelings. Just because you personally have never experienced it and don’t believe it is something that exists for you, doesn’t mean that other people aren’t experiencing it.

It is a universal concept, spoken about by billions around the world, and has existed in art and text since man has been creating art and text! That in itself means it exists as a concept, whether you believe in it or not.

Why would it not making sense, upset someone?

I think it does make sense. But, I don’t understand why someone would be getting upset, because they don’t understand what someone has said?

[WaltzingWaters]

@MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel

Because it sounds bitter and rude.

You're seriously suggesting people don't love their parents, siblings, spouses and kids?

I also think it makes you sound jealous, because you haven't found a partner yet.

This.

Do you not love any members of your family?

I didn’t really have a long term relationship until I was 30 because I didn’t find anyone I connected with enough for one. I did think that maybe I wasn’t capable of those feelings, that I was happy being free and single. But I’d never say I didn’t believe in love.
I have now found someone. I love him. I love our son.

[CantAskAnyoneElse]

@Abraxan

This.

They hear you don't believe love exists as a feeling.
Which means they also hear that you don't feel love towards them.

Or do you say that it's romantic love you don't believe exists? Or all love?

Honestly, I’m just not that hung up on the ’love’ stuff.

[Fairyliz]

Because people are so self absorbed that they view everything that other people say as being about them, rather than the person saying it.
If they are so secure in their love it wouldn’t actually matter what you say. They might think you were unusual in your views but it wouldn’t really affect them.
Ive noticed this more and more over the last few years. People are so inward looking they cannot actually comprehend that people have different views and see it as an attack if you disagree with them.

[StaunchMomma]

Do you have kids, OP? Because I don't see how any Mother could not believe in love.

My partner feels like home, to me. I absolutely love him.

So, yes, if someone told me they don't believe love exists I'd think they were talking bollox, sorry.

[KeanuKenunu]

I agree that 'romantic love' is a construct interwoven with the myth of marriage/white wedding etc. Women in particular invest in this with considerable sacrifice. Some people do meet partners who they genuinely love though so I can't argue with that.

[Xrays]

I think romantic “in love” love is just a load of hormones and feelings designed to keep the human race populating the world. It doesn’t last. But I do think love between partners, friends etc exists and definitely love between parent and child, which I think is the most powerful of all.

I think there’s different types of love.

[Donnashair]

@StaunchMomma

Do you have kids, OP? Because I don't see how any Mother could not believe in love.

My partner feels like home, to me. I absolutely love him.

So, yes, if someone told me they don't believe love exists I'd think they were talking bollox, sorry.

Op has said they are talking about romantic love.

Why is it bollocks for someone to not agree with you?

[tabulahrasa]

How could you be confused about why that upsets people?

You’re telling them you think they’re lying or deluded about their feelings... I mean, it’s pretty obvious why they’d not be happy about that, surely?

You may well be aromantic, but that doesn’t mean love doesn’t exist in general.

[maddening]

How upset are these people? Do they just disagree or are they truly upset?

[MadeofElephantStone]

I get it OP. It's almost like that question you get asked if you don't have children, like you have to try and justify it to the few who insist you'll change your mind and won't drop the subject. Instead they're insisting that you must want a partner to love or to feel loved. So bloody patronising and frustrating to have to prove yourself. There's nothing wrong with feeling how you feel about love/relationships, if others have a problem with how you feel/think about things then it's theirs to deal with.

[Choconut]

Didn't you as a child feel loved by your parents? I know we see their flaws as we grow up but still.... didn't you love you parents as a child? Don't you think you could feel that same feeling for another adult? Love doesn't have to be gushy, it's about feeling safe, trusting, looking out for each other, working together - just being a team with someone else to support each other. I don't know how you don't think that exists.

Do you mean love just doesn't seem to be a feeling you feel - or do you mean you don't think love exists for anyone? They're quite different things.

[Thatdarncat4]

Many of my friends say they ‘love’ their parents but they would NEVER wipe their elderly parents shit from their backsides if they needed it. (Yes my friends and I have deep and meaningful conversations I know).

I, on the other hand question my own ‘love’ for my elderly parents and I feel I have been more conditioned to a child/parent type of response (I have a difficult relationship with them). However, I would not see them sitting in their own shit knowing I could help them. I would clean their bum.

What is love?

[maddening]

And how are you quizzed about your opinion on love so much that there is a pattern of upset people?

[Thatdarncat4]

@maddening

And how are you quizzed about your opinion on love so much that there is a pattern of upset people?

Because she’s happily living her life single.

[FUSoftPlay]

@Albiboba

Probably because it comes across as you passing judgement on most of the relationships in their life, presuming they love their partner/kids/siblings/parents/friends.

Just say you don’t want a partner.

No need to climb love isn’t a thing. You just come across as bitter.

Precisely.

You’re undermining their belief. You have an opinion you’ve chosen to share - why does it come as such a surprise when people counter that?

[CheersForThatEh]

Honestly, it's because you're wrong.

Love is real. They are sad that you dont believe in something they know is real.

[DataScienceNoob]

Love is a chemical reaction. Does the OP not believe in chemistry? 😂