Why do people get upset if I say that I don’t believe in love?

@Flamintula are you the OP? Have you name changed?

I've explained my point a couple of times on this thread. Yes, OP may behave according to the rules of society, but I dont want to be around someone who has such a profound lack of humanity.

It freaks me out and that is enough for me to decide I don't want to be around such a person.

Only on mumsnet would I be berated for not wanting to hang out with someone with a personality disorder!!

Depends on the context. "I believe that Paris is the capital of France/Belgium" is not judgemental. "I believe that having dogs in handbags is cruel" said to someone who has a dog in their handbag has to be judgemental. "I believe that homeopathy is nonsense" is understandably never going to go down well if you're talking to a "professional" homeopath

This.

Saying to someone "I don't believe in modern medicine" when someone is undergoing treatment using modern medicine is going to be taken as a judgement on that choice.

No amount of (possibly) fake-naive "oh I didn't mean anything by it and definitely wasn't talking about you because I've never specifically commented on your specific medical treatment... I was just saying modern medicine is nonsense and doesn't work" is going to wash with most people, especially if after the person walks away complaining that "I don't understand why anyone might think I was being judgey. I only said that something fairly substantial that affects their whole life was nonsense, but they act so weirdly about it. I didn't say anything about their medical treatment. Why on earth do people act funny about it?".

It's an unusual opinion and one that doesn't lend itself to a five minute conversation. Don't be surprised they're surprised. I'd imagine you already trialed a few stock replies. I find this Tim Minchin song might go someway to explaining your view. Keep it handy!

I don't have a fear of people - not sure where you got that idea? Once again: If you told me you don't have the ability to feel love and you don't believe love is real, I would avoid you like the plague because that is creepy as fuck. Obviously if you didn't tell me that, I may not be any the wiser. But if I knew, then yes, I would want to keep my distance from you and I would not trust you around me or anyone I cared for.

@JudgeRudy

I think you've misunderstood what Tim Minchin is saying in that song.

He loves his wife he's just making a statement about predestined love, soulmates - basically that those ideas are tosh and love grows over time (and that who it's with is often a result of chance). I'm certain that love exists but have no difficulty agreeing with Tim.

His viewpoint to me is nothing like that of the OP and does nothing to explain her statement that love (which I view as an emotional and cognitive experience, one which I've literally experienced) "doesn't exist" (the implication being it doesn't exist for anyone). This is a literal denial of other people's experiences rather than a mere exploration of what love is.

No, I've not misunderstood Tim, well if I have we both have! My point was it's not a 5 min conversation. I hear people say they don't believe in religion. Does religion exist? Well clearly it does, so in that sense OP is wrong to say they doesn't BELIEVE in love (which the majority of people have experienced). I was wondering if they meant , ah, what you're describing isn't something separate and unique, it's a mix of emotions, familiarity, blah blah and theres no such thing as a soul mate and it would be perfectly reasonable to assume you could feel that way with any number of people if things 'align'. I'm pretty sure Tim 'loves' his wife.

I think it's because you're basically (in a round about way) telling people their feelings are not true. If they feel they love their partners which lots of us do, you saying you don't believe it can seem rude. I know what you're trying to say, but saying you don't believe in love is saying most people you know are liars

Oh here we go again. Someone has a difference of opinion so they're jealous. Next you'll be saying OPs a bully(not heard that for a while) or controlling.
I don't think anyone's jealous.

It just sounds very immature and a foolish thing to say. You may not have experienced love but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I would have thought most people would just ignore you but I suppose some would find it deeply insulting because you are calling them a liar

I think what's been lost on most people on this thread where there so busy espousing how real and wonderful romantic love is is the fact that the OP has responded truthfully to insensitive queries about why she is single.

I think people are just acting defensively because you are applying your personal feelings to 'people' in general and they are interpreting that as you dismissing their own personal experience.

It would maybe be different if you said that you don't believe in love for you personally? My DH is asexual - has never felt sexual attraction, genuinely doesn't want to have sex and never has, doesn't feel like he's missed out. But he doesn't say that sexual attraction or enjoying sex 'isn't real' because for most people it obviously is. Same thing here. He still gets the 'you just haven't met the right person yet' comments on occasion (he has, we're very happily married and yes, in love haha!) but not often.

highdaysandholudays
I wholeheartedly think the people interrogating the OP about being single were being rude.

I also find the OP's apparent confusion that people might find it a bit odd to say that they don't believe love exists quite unusual. Saying you think something that others experience deeply doesn't exist is bound to have that sort of reaction, whether it's telling people in romantic relationships that you don't think love exists or telling someone having medical treatment that you think medical treatment is a load of nonsense.

Defintely not! I just think there are probably more of us out there than care to admit it.

I wonder what we called it before love though. Duty? Obligation?

You are different than the OP, because this is proof that you really don't understand love. No, it is not like duty.

Really don’t understand people that query/ask others about why they’re not in a relationship or assume they want one, so fair enough.
But you respond by extrapolating the fact you’ve don’t experience love on to the whole concept of love, which is just incorrect.

So someone says they don't believe in love?

So????

OP to friend: Hi old chum how are you?

OP's friend: Hi I'm great. How are you? Met someone special yet?

OP: No I'm quite happy being single.

OP"s friend: Wow. I would have thought you'd be much happier in a romantic relationship? I have a romantic partner whom I love very much so my experience is obviously more real than yours.

OP - feeling friend is invalidating her happiness by judging her on her friends perception on her apparent failure to secure a romantic partner, responds with - my experience is that I don't believe romantic love is a concept that exists. My experience of being single brings me far greater happiness and joy than any experience of romantic love. I feel free and I am free.

OP writes a thread on Mumsnet about unprompted queries about why she is single and is told she is immature and her lived experience is invalidated by the likelihood she had a terrible childhood.

And scene.

OP doesn't believe in any form of love. Not just romantic love.

People shouldn't pry into others' relationship status. But I doubt very much that any conversation went that way!

Have you ever thought of saying 'I don't believe in love for me'? It's fairly obvious to those in love that love exists so your sentence feels like you're accusing them of lying about it.

Q: "How are things since we last spoke? Do you have a significant other in your life?"

A: "Your life is a lie. Your marriage is a sham. I don't care about anyone who loves me, if that includes you, tough shit. I might be a psychopath or something, or despairing and depressed. I certainly deviate from the norm far enough on this one fundamental thing that you question our interpersonal relationship."