Why do people get upset if I say that I don’t believe in love?

[CantAskAnyoneElse]

To be clear, I son’t start lecturing anyone, it’s just that quite often friend or family members ask me how come I never have a partner etc.
Usually I just shrug my shoulders and try move the topic, but few times I’ve said honestly that I just don’t believe love is an actual thing.
Once again, I don’t start speeches, just quick honest remark and move the topic.
Never said anything about anyone else’s partners/lack off…

And let me tell you!
This does NOT go well.
People are adamant I am wrong, sad I’ve ’given up hope’ (I haven’t, it just was never there), soon I’ll meet someone and change my mind (doubtfull) and how I can’t say something like that.

Why not?
I do not understand, at all.

[Albiboba]

Probably because it comes across as you passing judgement on most of the relationships in their life, presuming they love their partner/kids/siblings/parents/friends.

Just say you don’t want a partner.

No need to climb love isn’t a thing. You just come across as bitter.

[flutterbyebaby]

I think could be sensitive to thinking your belief undermines theirs

[Hillrunning]

Surely this is obvious. Your friends and family are hurt that you are telling them that you don't love them.

[MRex]

That's a really unusual thing to say. What do you think love is, to "not believe in" it? Do you believe in hate, like, dislike and other sentiments towards others? Can you really never have had a single family member or friend who you loved? What are your feelings towards animals rather than humans, do you ever care for any?

[MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel]

Because it sounds bitter and rude.

You're seriously suggesting people don't love their parents, siblings, spouses and kids?

I also think it makes you sound jealous, because you haven't found a partner yet.

[FatCatt]

did you have a difficult childhood? I don’t love my family but I love my pets so deeply I’d die for then in a heartbeat. I also love my partner and I long desperately to start a family.

[HelloBunny]

I’m with you. I think that I “chose” love, and that I’d quite happily live without DH if he was gone tomorrow. Before I got married it was loads of casual boyfriends, great fun. Friends & family always used to question my being “single”.

I don’t understand the “can’t live without you” or “other half” thing. But then I’m quite pragmatic & not an emotional creature. Others are more passionate, consumed by their partner. Love is probably more of a serious situation for slot of people. Especially those looking for it online, after divorce etc...

[Hopingforno2in2023]

You are claiming the relationships on which they have built their lives aren’t real! Of course they are upset and offended.

[FellPuck]

People who are insecure about their own choices get really triggered when you make different ones.

[CantAskAnyoneElse]

@Albiboba

Probably because it comes across as you passing judgement on most of the relationships in their life, presuming they love their partner/kids/siblings/parents/friends.

Just say you don’t want a partner.

No need to climb love isn’t a thing. You just come across as bitter.

But I just answer the question.
And like I said, I never make comments about other people’s relationship.
Unless they are so self involved, there was nothing to turn it about themselves.
So that’s on them.

I think part of the problem is that if someone doesn’t gush over about it, it’s called ’bitternes’, that’s just silly and untrue.

[IncompleteSenten]

They interpret it as a criticism of them.
That's almost always the case when people get cross about someone else's feelings.

You don't think like I think therefore you are saying how I think is wrong how dare you. 🙄

If you want to spare their feelings be a bit more diplomatic eg
I've never experienced it. I'm not really sure what it is. I'm not really a people person. I enjoy my own space/company. It's just not something that interests me. That sort of shit.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

I just don’t believe love is an actual thing

They are probably incredulous that you could say anything as daft as this. I'm very sorry for you if you've never felt loved or felt love for another human being, but this is exceptionally unusual.

[IncompleteSenten]

To clarify - you are talking about romantic love?
You're not basically telling your parents etc you don't love them? Cos if so I can see why they'd be upset 😁

[DanceMonster]

I guess it’s because by saying you don’t believe in the existence of love you’re implying that they can’t possibly be in love themselves (because it doesn’t exist). Saying you don’t believe you’ll ever be in love is one thing, but saying you don’t think it exists means that you think they are not in love.

[bingoitsadingo]

@CantAskAnyoneElse

But I just answer the question.
And like I said, I never make comments about other people’s relationship.
Unless they are so self involved, there was nothing to turn it about themselves.
So that’s on them.

I think part of the problem is that if someone doesn’t gush over about it, it’s called ’bitternes’, that’s just silly and untrue.

Your statement that you don’t believe in love is a comment on other people’s relationships though.
you didn’t say you don’t see any value in love personally. You said you don’t think it exists. And therefore logically it follows that you don’t think anyone else’s relationship has love. Of course people see that as a comment on their relationships.

[Abraxan]

@Hillrunning

Surely this is obvious. Your friends and family are hurt that you are telling them that you don't love them.

This.

They hear you don't believe love exists as a feeling.
Which means they also hear that you don't feel love towards them.

Or do you say that it's romantic love you don't believe exists? Or all love?

[DanceMonster]

Even if the OP is just referring to romantic love, the implication is that she thinks the people she’s talking to don’t actually love their partners, or vice versa.

[Merkins]

Sounds to me like you may be aromantic. Nothing wrong with that. I imagine not having romantic feelings for other people would impact how you feel about love as a concept. I can’t say I’d be offended if you told me you didn’t believe in love. I mean, my love for my DP is for him, I don’t need to demonstrate it to other people and I don’t need them to gush about it.

[ashitghost]

Don’t be ridiculous. Do you honestly mean that love doesn’t exist, end of? All the billions of people who are wrong and delusional? To say so is deliberately provocative and of course you’ll get strong reactions. Love is a cornerstone of humanity.

[Turnipworkharder]

Maybe people should stop asking personal questions , then OP wouldn't need to explain.
No idea why they'd be upset , I wouldn't ,but I'd never ask people why they don't have 'someone' it's bloody rude.

[TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand]

But love is an actual thing, OP?

[DanceMonster]

@Turnipworkharder

Maybe people should stop asking personal questions , then OP wouldn't need to explain.
No idea why they'd be upset , I wouldn't ,but I'd never ask people why they don't have 'someone' it's bloody rude.

This is true.

[RoomOfRequirement]

But love does exist. Just because you don't believe it, doesn't make it not true.

[titchy]

Love is a thing though. It's scientifically and socially demonstrable and recognisable. To say it isn't a thing is like saying you don't believe people can fly round the world because the earth is flat.

Why don't you just say you prefer being on your own?

[Thatdarncat4]

My husband and I both quandary the meaning of life and talk about love as a concept. We both love philosophy. It’s just a made up word really. The question is can you trust, care, feel physical, emotional and social gratification from having another person in your life? Well that’s what we came up with. Not sure it’s true though.
If you are born you will die that is the only truth in life. Whether love exists or not is never going to be a truth.