Do you think you're a nice person?

[haioopl]

I go out of my way for friends and will consider other’s feelings etc. But this is mostly for my own gain, to feel liked and needed. I can be incredibly selfish and often have very selfish thoughts. Is anyone truly nice? Truly genuine?

Not particularly. I'm quite self involved and have little interest in people outside my own family or close friends. I can be irritable and go to a lot of trouble to appear easy going and laid back.

I think everyone would tell you I'm a nice person who would do anything for anyone but I'm not really. I have awful jealous thoughts about other people (I am working really hard to overcome this) and I often perform "kind" acts only because people will then think I am a nice person. I can also be really bitchy behind peoples backs which is something I hate about myself.

No.

Same as PP, I'm outwardly nice and do good things, but it's self-motivated.

No, I'm not.

I do nice/helpful things for people, so im not a total cunt, but I don't want anything off the back of it, like conversations or friendships or anything, so some see me as rude.

I have been through a lifetime of shit, I'm so fed up with being the person stuff happens to that I really don't bother with people on any real level at all, and I'm more than happy that way.

I can't wait until the kids are all grown and then I don't have to deal with school runs and clubs and whatever, I can just stay in and be an introvert forever more.

I'll add that I have one friend who is a truly genuinely nice person . I've never heard her say a bad word about anyone and she is unfailingly helpful, positive and interested in others lives with nothing but the best intentions. I'd like to be her when I grow up

I consider myself a really kind person and take great pride in genuinely caring for other people. I don't understand people who are nasty or unthoughtful. I used to work with the public and was often really taken aback at how horrible people can be.

I think I'm a fair person but not always nice no.

I think I'm mostly a nice person, and I do try hard to be decent, but as I get older I find I care far less about what other people think of me and consequently I don't try as hard as I used to.

There are, no doubt, people in the world who think I'm horrible, but I care not one jot.

I'm extremely non judgemental that's probably the nicest thing about me. Apart from that I don't think I'm especially nice if I'm honest. I could do more to be a useful member of my community for example.

I don't think of myself as nice, I just have manners and hope for best for people.

I try to be nice but after 10 years of single parenting while working full time (I have a DP but he’s not the DC’s dad) I feel like I’ve reached the very end of my patience with the world in general and I just can’t be arsed. I don’t recognise myself and I don’t like it tbh. I force myself to be nice to DP, the DCs and ExH, and friends think I’m lovely but that’s only because they don’t know what I’m thinking.

Nope, I'm very judgemental and will climb over anyone to get what I want. During covid I had a very cersi lanister attitude that nobody but the people my immediate family mattered

It's all very well hidden though. A lot of people would say I'm nice. I'm excellent at keeping secrets and give good advice to people. I do help people but I don't ctuaoly enjoy it

Well I always thought I was a fairly nice person but I have to say raising teenagers, they’re very willing to highlight any flaws you have as a human to the point that you really doubt yourself 😄.

Sure I'm moody and occasionally snappy and can come across as conceited. But at least I'm straightforward to deal with. I'm seldom jealous or petty or passive aggressive. I don't spend time with people I don't like, then bitch about them afterwards. In truth, what other people do doesn't take up much of my headspace. I don't do performance-kindness. I'm kind where it matters for people who matter to me.

I'm bitter and twisted as fuck. Try to hide it though.

I like to treat people how I’d like to be treated so I think that makes me nice. I have started to recognise one sided relationships where the person is just taking and not giving. I’m not nice to the extent that I maintain those at my own emotional expense.

I do do things anonymously like help charities and give things to needy families (DH isn’t so generous and wouldn’t approve if he knew).

I can’t be hot head and self righteous though. So not all nice.

I think I'm a nice person. Among my DS' peers, I have a reputation for being kind and supportive

I think so, yes, but (interestingly??) I would have said the same when I had a lot less self-awareness. Back then, I used to feel resentments, inequalities, insecurities and jealousies much more accutely and I don't know if I would have been above a ''dig'' when I was in my twenties. I wasn't like scatter-gun bitch bonanza with the digs, but I did make them.... coming from a low place.

My identity was still very much wrapped up in being a good person though.

Now I don't care about being nice, or being perceived to be nice. I want to feel at peace with myself. Taking no shit is something I've worked on and when you take less shit, you feel less resentment. And then you can be your fairest most supportive self.

Nope. I'm an absolute cunt

It depends what you mean by "nice".

I care deeply about my friends (very carefully chosen!) and family and will do anything for them, even to my own detriment. I am extremely loyal and always try to support those people in whatever way I can.

I don't suffer fools gladly or have any patience of idiocy or rudeness or lack of self-awareness. So can be quite abrupt if people behave in ways that I find unacceptable. Zero tolerance for selfish or entitled behaviour or people who won't take responsibility for themselves and the things they do. Or people who cannot be bothered to learn about things and then complain when their deliberate ignorance backfires on them. No sympathy from me for that.

I see this as a positive because I have learned boundaries finally, and will defend other people being treated badly too, but I can imagine that other people do not like it when called out or blocked for being useless or nasty. I show everyone respect until they demonstrate that they don't deserve it, and then they will get none from me. I have limited energy and won't expend it on people who are not worthy of it. Is that not "nice"?

I love my children and do absolutely everything for them as their lone parent, financially, emotionally and physically. But sometimes I'm ill and tired and irritable so they probably think I'm not be "nice". And I feel very guilty for that.

I suppose there are two levels to it: the deeper side of you and whether you have good intentions for others, or are selfish and will only help people if it is of minimal inconvenience to you or actually benefits you. On that measurement I am definitely nice.

The shallow level that acquaintances might see - particularly if they behave in a repulsive or unpleasant way - then no I will not be "nice" to them. And will not care one bit if they think I am "nice" or not.

I think the worst people are the entitled people who are just out for what they can get from others they know and from society in general, take take take, with no thought for the impact on anybody else. Yet you might meet someone like that and they could behave as if they are empathetic and thoughtful. Because they know this will benefit them, to put on this pretence. I don't think such people are "nice".

I am nice to my friends and family, I'm polite to everyone else but I am careful to only go out of my way for people I really care about. I wouldn't do favours for random acquaintances and If people are a dick to me I'll respond in a similar fashion!

I think I'm a good person and a relatively kind person, but not always a nice person. In my head, there's a difference between the three but I find it quite hard to articulate.

I'm seldom jealous or petty or passive aggressive. I don't spend time with people I don't like, then bitch about them afterwards

God yes, this. So many people pretend to be "nice" when actually it is all fake. Far more "nice" in my view to be an honest person who actually says what they mean, plainly, at the time. Being straightforward and open doesn't make you not "nice", quite the opposite. Duplicity is not "nice" at all.

I don't directly wish ill of people but I also don't care enormously beyond my own family and friends. I think most people are the same if they are honest with themselves - I think we are only able to maintain a relationship with quite a small number of people, from an evolutionary point of view.

Genuinely don’t know. I put myself out, to a ridiculous degree to avoid hurting other people. Like really out. I grieved a bereavement on my own, when I was desperately lonely because I didn’t want to remind others of their own bereavement and felt their was worse so it would be awful of me to reach out.

Or someone could say something awful to me and I wouldn’t say they hurt me because I didn’t want them to feel bad.

But lately, I am speaking up for my own needs more. I do still think of others, but also worry I am an awful person for not allowing others to make me sad or uncomfortable.

I do get a sense that I might be unlovable. Not sure if my parents even did. But I try to be. Just not sure how successful I am at being nice.