Do you think you're a nice person?

[haioopl]

I go out of my way for friends and will consider other’s feelings etc. But this is mostly for my own gain, to feel liked and needed. I can be incredibly selfish and often have very selfish thoughts. Is anyone truly nice? Truly genuine?

What are you thinking?

I have had tough times too and I sometimes think, omg, how did I end up here. Single parent, working ft, eldest DC is easy to get along with, younger one is rude and disrespectful. I feel exasperated with my son but I don't think that experiencing feelings of exasperation makes me a not nice person! ykwim

No I don’t think I am. Im nice when I need to be but I find it an effort.

Interesting. I have a high bullshitometer so whilst ‘I’ think I’m nice I’m sure others wouldn’t agree.

No, I definitely try to be but I’m not really. I have unresolved childhood trauma that i’m still working through (with professional help) that made me very negative and judgmental. I’m fiercely loyal to friends and family, but don’t really care about strangers. The charity adverts don’t pull on my heartstrings. After been taken advantage of too many times in life, for being too trusting, i now live by the mantra ‘every man for himself’.

I’m a good listener, genuinely care about my friends, and generous with my time/friendship etc but have a very low tolerance for bullshittery and very high self esteem so if people waste my time with crap behaviour then I step away. I’m good with helping people through glitches and with advice, but if they are cheeky fuckers then they’re long gone.

So I’m not sure if that’s ‘nice’, but I’d say that’s a better way to be than ‘nice’. Look at how many threads on here from people pleasers who are miserable because of it!

I've had to learn not to be nice all the time as so many CF have taken the piss over the years. It's actually quite hurtful to find out other people just want something from you, I've been walked over one too many times and now got to the point where I have to stop myself helping others.

I have a strong sense of morality and I genuinely care about societal issues - I volunteered with a local soup kitchen, donate to charity. I would help people in need and treat people as I’d want to be treated. Not because I want people to think I’m nice, just because it’s a good thing to do. I wouldn’t purposely hurt someone (unless they’ve really pissed me off, then I do have a vindictive streak).

I don’t think I’m particularly nice. I can have a very sharp tongue and I’m incredibly blunt, I think the truth is more important than people’s feelings and I’m incredibly selfish (and fine with it). I’m assertive and speak up for my needs. I don’t care what people think about me.

In general I prefer people who are also like me. I find people pleasers pathetic. I also care more about the greater good and a sense of societal fairness than I do about “protecting my own” - but I think this is actually a very unselfish thing about me. For example I’m very socialist and would happily see my own wealth and that of my peers reduced if it made society fairer overall.

Can you elaborate?

I think I used to work with you.

OMG I’ve found my tribe 🤣🤣
thank you to all who contributed so far
I’ve learnt a lot of my ‘nice’ behaviours by imitating others, as empathy doesn’t come naturally to me. I’m harsh, negative, judgemental, and don’t tend to give people the benefit of the doubt much if at all.
Who gives a sh*t anyway. If some problem really do, I’m jealous. Life could be easier if I was genuinely nice.

I think I'm a decent human being who won't give up trying.

I think that's the best anyone can expect really.

I remind myself to ask how people are, listen, say thank you to supermarket cashiers, let pedestrians cross in front of me, play with kids and think how others must be feelibg etc.

I slip up sometimes but don't we all??

No not really. I think i'm quite selfish and tend to put my wants and needs above people's feelings.

I’m pretty selfish- I don’t really put myself out to help people. I say no a lot. But I’m genuine, I don’t say things I don’t mean, I’m never unnecessarily cruel, and I never bully or manipulate people. I take notice of and respect their wishes. And I never demand anything of anyone, I’m self-sufficient to a silly degree.

Are you me?
Outer me is nice but inner me is a bloody sociopath

@Hoppinggreen you must elaborate on the sociopath inside you, really!

@TheDogthatDug please tell us more

Wow I'm surprised by these replies. Is everyone really not pleasant or are we judging ourselves too hard or have too high expectations?

I am a genuinely nice person, well liked and loved.

I think I still do.

so-so, not particularly, I'm ok. Very self-centred, I need to watch that.

I do try to be. I find myself empathising with others a lot and care if they are going through hard times, wishing I could make things better.

However I live with a sense of guilt that I was horrible to my mum when I was a teenager. She was a single parent, my dad had left us and her only surviving relative, her mum, became ill and died when I was 16. How she got through it all without have I got a breakdown I don’t know. I was so wrapped up in trivial teenage angst I barely gave her a thought. It’s the biggest regret of my life, I was so selfish and unsupportive when she really needed my support and kindness as her eldest child to arrange her mum’s funeral etc.

I'm not particularly nice no. I'm not jealous and I'm definitely not a people pleaser. I'm straightforward and would rather gouge my eyes out than be with people who drain my soul just to be "nice."

I can come across as cold but it's really self preservation and if you hurt me I cut you off like you don't exist. I don't give multiple chances if you let me down or my loyalty isn't reciprocated I don't forget far less forgive. I'm not two faced and I don't spend my time with those I don't want to. I don't say anything about someone I wouldn't say to their face. If you're rude, disrespectful or feign stupidity then my resting bitch face will speak volumes.

I don't wish any ill on anyone I just really couldn't give two fucks anymore......the joys of becoming older!

Being 'nice' is overrated. Having a strong sense of fairness and acting on it is far more useful.

When someone says they are well liked and loved it makes me want to barf… no offence @BessieSurtees

I’m nice when I want to be, I will help almost anyone but I’m also cynical and wary of others’ motives (I learnt that the hard way).
I’m happy with my own company and don’t actually care what others think anymore!

This is me too. Sick of the shit whilst other people live in clover.
Now DC is in college I can happily stay in and avoid people, but I horribly judge people I come into contact with during work. I think many people are just annoying idiots tbh so I’m not nice at all.

I was just wondering if I've ever slept with @TheDogthatDug tbh.