Do you think you're a nice person?

[haioopl]

I go out of my way for friends and will consider other’s feelings etc. But this is mostly for my own gain, to feel liked and needed. I can be incredibly selfish and often have very selfish thoughts. Is anyone truly nice? Truly genuine?

My user name is a genuine Co incidence. It wasn’t created for this thread.

I don’t really know what nice means, but I’m a decent person, I treat people well and with respect, I’ve a strong sense of empathy so often step in to try to save someone’s feelings and I’ve a strong sense of fair play and am not scared to articulate it.

I don’t get jealous of folks. However if you are in some way bad or mean to me. The you’re going to get a hell of a fright. As I will come back at you hard. I’m never passive aggressive or judgey really.

I don’t think that all makes me particularly nice, but I suspect it makes me a decent person.

What most people want is a friend who is funny and makes you laugh. Doesn’t matter if they’re kind though hou don’t want someone malicious.

tell you what thinking about it harder. I try really hard in some aspects of my life. not for me but for my children and animals/ insects.
I spend loads of time researching the latest environmental news and tips on how to bring wildlife to my garden, I spent time trying to put water put for wildlife in the really hot summer days and making posters to encourage others to do the same. But I wouldn't put that much effort into helping humans. I don't know why.

I put loads of effort to reduce my carbon foot print and waste levels when I heard about whales and fish and birds ingesting plastic. I don't have the same reaction to hearing about wars or trafficking or even slavery. i wonder why. animals are always innocent I suppose, and children.

So the birds in my garden would would I'm very nice, and the Bees and the hedgehogs. But I do hate people. or worse I am indifferent. They are in the way, a problem to be solved ( I class myself in this also)

I wouldn’t say I was overly nice but I am a genuine person. I know right from wrong, and I have a conscience and I think that’s the crux of it. I am a reasonable person. I have no interest in being a Perfect Petra and I’m kind of wary about those types anyway 😜.

This is why the sooner we stop telling our girls to be kind/be nurturing

i don’t really think many people do this any more. I didnt, I told mine if she wanted money to earn it herself and supported her through education to do so. I taught her to be self reliant. Financially independent. To not take anything other than full equality and respect in a relationship To have self confidence. To treat people as she’d like to be treated. To work hard and achieve her goals. The words kind and nurture genuinely never came into it.

People say I'm lovely. But I don't care about anything other than myself, and really don't care enough about animals to reduce eating meat products. I also don't want to change my lifestyle to help the environment. And I think most people are pathetic.

So I'm terrible!!
But most people don't know this ... I work very hard to appear lovely, including doing charity work.

I think I am fair, honest and generous. I make an effort to remember things like birthdays and special events. I think I’m a good parent and go out of my way to make sure the DC never lack for opportunities or anything materially. I was brought up by a people pleaser/martyr and have worked hard not to be like that. However, I have noticed that few people like to be challenged by a middle aged mum - I’ve been patronized and gaslit, mainly by men, when sticking up for my DC with regard to a school based issue. Women are expected to be nice and amenable and not fitting into that mould is seen as a threat. It really shouldn’t be!

Probably not, I’m pretty bitter and cynical about life. I wouldn’t choose to spend time with me if I had a choice.

I always aim to be nice. I help people, put others first, stand up for people, protect people, be a good listener etc……

Occasionally I’ll say things that aren’t nice, but I always feel bad and try to make amends.

On balance I’d say I’m a nice person.

My thoughts though can be ……. Shocking! 😬😁

Do thoughts count? Surely even the nicest people have the odd mean/bitchy/unkind thought and not voice it? Or is that just me?

I thought I was, then I worked with two women who truly were the nicest possible people and it made me aware of my failings.

I think I'm nice but not a pushover. I'm also very lazy and forgetful. I do things for people if or when I can but I do make empty promises as well.

True altruism doesn't exist, we all wear a mask of one form or another.

Fortunately symbiotic relationships are everywhere so we can get away with it!

I'm just civil and polite . My world is my family don't really bother with other people . Life is short and time is precious.

I am a nice person in that I want the best for my close family and would do absolutely anything to make sure my children are happy.
If anyone crosses my dc I will never forgive them to the extent that girly squabbling between my preteen DD and her friends will result in the any said friends NEVER being allowed in my home ever again despite them being friends again - even if my DD has been mostly partially to blame and I delight in DD leaving out friends who haven't been very nice to her on occasion.
At work I make sure I have everything I need whilst on shift and whilst I do try to ensure everything is in place for the following shift I definitely would use the last of the resources if I felt I would benefit allowing the next lot to fend for themselves.
When it's a loved ones Birthday I will spend hours finding thoughtful gifts and delight in their happiness although I'm sure there's a selfish element in there of me having done good.
I am very judgemental and as a result I feel constantly like others are judging me so I feel on guard a lot of the time and don't like very many people.

I think criticising yourself for the fact that your kindness and good deeds are motivated by self-interest is a bit harsh. Surely the fact that doing good things and being nice make you feel good about yourself is a good sign? After all, a lot of people get their self-worth by putting others down so that they feel good by comparison.

This is a good question OP, thanks for making me consider it.

What other people think of me is none of my business. I generally try to be professional at work, and polite but positively assertive in any social situation. In practice this means trying to behave like an ‘adult’.

I’m loyal to family and friends and I’ll do things for those close to me without expecting anything in return; donate to charity, etc. but otherwise I’m not particularly community-minded.

Overall I believe the majority of people are essentially good ‘uns, rather than wrong ‘uns — me included.

Am I nice? Probably not but I do try to be kind which isn’t the same thing IMO (kind meaning fair, measured, polite, seeking win/win outcomes).

Yes. I like me because....

I don't gossip
I don't free-load
I'm not bigoted, racist, bothered about class or how people look/dress etc
I'll help anyone who is genuinely in trouble
I work hard to give us a nice life.
I don't whine and couldn't care less if others have more than me

My ds likes me. My boss likes me. My sisters like me. What anyone else thinks is pretty irrelevant.

If anyone crosses my dc I will never forgive them to the extent that girly squabbling between my preteen DD and her friends will result in the any said friends NEVER being allowed in my home ever again despite them being friends again - even if my DD has been mostly partially to blame and I delight in DD leaving out friends who haven't been very nice to her on occasion

this is a the most disturbing comment on here. I’d urge you to read it again and think of the impact on your children. Because you are the one here doing them no favours if this is true. It’s you crossing them.

Interesting question! I try to be nice, I go out of my way to help others and do my best not to make others uncomfortable. I am generous to a fault. I genuinely care about the wellbeing of others.
However I am secretly a bit arrogant. I hope it doesn't show that I basically believe that I know better than everyone else.

No, the ones who think they’re nice are the worst. I’m not nice & don’t pretend to be, but compared to some people I’m not that bad.

The term 'nice' is a difficult one.

I know that I am a good person in that I try to help people whenever I can, looking beyond my immediate family to do this.

Am I nice? It's very subjective. I never deliberately try to hurt with my words or actions but am sure that I do sometimes. I can be a lot of fun to be with but I am sometimes less easy to be around. I can have strong opinions which may be in conflict with others. I have mood swings (bipolar) which affect my demeanour.

Am I at peace with myself? Generally yes. Does that make me nice? Not sure

Why?

I don't think so no, not genuinely. I will do things for others but I'm not usually happy to do it. It's a chore. I have horrible thoughts, I am incredibly jealous, if I think someone is doing better than me, outwardly I will smile and congratulate them but inwardly I hate it. I hate other people being celebrated as the attention isn't on me.

Good question!

I hope so.

I would (and have) shared my last tenner with people as I’ve been through rough times myself. However if I’m being honest, I wouldn’t lend to anybody that I felt was in a self inflicted hardship.

I grew out of bitching or gossiping years ago (apart from to my partner - we often giggle about situations together which I suppose isn’t always kind).

I’ve always donated to charity. We buy for the food bank every week.

I do have some selfish/jealous thoughts that can be quite spiteful and that makes me feel rather guilty.

Whenever I’ve fallen out with somebody I always walk away quietly, I would never be spiteful and share their private things etc.

Truthfully I don’t have many friends and I find the idea of maintaining friendships exhausting. I would get out of bed at any hour and drive wherever needed to help the few I have though… I wish I had more friends but I find it hard to meet people and keep the momentum going. People often find excuses to meet up so I stop pursuing meeting them again after that so I don’t think I’m terribly likeable. I am aware that I often look moody.

I do know something that people perceive as rude from me is if I see somebody out of the context/place from which I know them then I really struggle to recognise them!

Overall, I think I am quite a nice person but perhaps not terrifically likeable.

I'm told Im a nice person. I do very genuinely love seeing people thrive when they work hard etc and I love supporting people to gain in life. I have no idea what drives it really. That said I'm nice in my own way in the sense that there are certain things I wouldn't do like charity stuff as it's just not me. I look at people that are struggling in life and my first thought is empathy as somehow they have been let down somewhere along the way. At work however I'm not able to be 'nice' all the time and so in some ways have to be a person that is not really 'me' on occasion which can be quite depressing.

I can be. I have my selfish arsehole moments