Do you think you're a nice person?

[haioopl]

I go out of my way for friends and will consider other’s feelings etc. But this is mostly for my own gain, to feel liked and needed. I can be incredibly selfish and often have very selfish thoughts. Is anyone truly nice? Truly genuine?

No, we are all broken and imperfect.

I don't think anyone else is nice either, their niceness is an act to fit in, they wear it like clothes or make-up.

I have, in recent years, decided to become much less nice.

After a certain amount of being nice, considering everyone, putting myself out and so on, only to be criticised and scapegoated for having done so… I have concluded that I’m just no longer going to be as nice.

Or, at least, to choose who I bother putting the effort in with.

That’s a no then. I’m not nice.

I am working on being nicer to myself though. I am very hard on myself and had internalised all that criticism and blame. Being nice to myself is working hard to counteract that and setting clear boundaries with people.

Yes, I enjoy being friendly and will be welcoming. I think I am eccentric and am quite batty in lots of ways too. I also adjust my manner to accommodate people who are more shy and quiet. I don't bitch behind people's backs.

But...

In the last 3 years I have edged out 2 friends of 10 plus years And I wasn't nice about it. I should have ended it ages ago as we just aren't compatible anymore and probably never were. I don't like most mums I meet tbh and won't even entertain having most kids at my house as they aren't that nice. I recognise my DDs don't benefit as much from school socialisation as we are led to believe. I am a bit of a grump in many ways 😆

I am a very nice mother, wife, daughter, sister, SIL and best friend though.

There are true altruistic people.

A combination of the peri menopause and Queer ideology fans did this to me too.

Overall I think I'm a nice person. I'm not perfect, but I go out of my way to help people where I can and I wouldn't expect anything in return. I'm funny and good company most of the time, everyone has their off days right? In my family of four, I will always put them first and make sure their needs are met, but of course, I don't neglect my own!

ScruffyGiraffes
Almost identical in my outlook to yours.

Absolutely LOVE the reference to Cerce Lannister and blunt “no, I’m a total cunt” made me laugh to much! so brilliant!

I find I just don't have time for people. I am sick of people only talking about themselves and never asking me about myself or family.

So it makes me not want to spend time with people

I also judge people's personal decisions a bit too much - which isn't particularly nice 🤷

What does nice mean?

helping each other? Never shouting? Always going the extra mile? Kind to everyone? Making time for everyone? Never thinking bad thoughts? Never expressing a negative opinion or body language of one etc

or does it mean doing your best at any given moment? And striving to learn and grow?

I'm loyal, truthful and friendly. Nice, though? I'm not too fussed on nice. Nice is often a gag for opinionated women or a boundaryless mess of obligation and bullshit. You can keep it.

People would describe me as lovely and often do. I absolutely adore my (all grown up) children and my pets and my DH... most of the time. I love my friends. I love children and old people. I have a great deal of sympathy and empathy BUT no, not really deep down genuinely nice.

I hold grudges forever. I never forget someone fucking my family/friends/me over or trying to. Or insults , I recall them all. I judge quickly and I'm seldom wrong. I don't like to do favours, I never lend (or borrow) anything. I'm selfish with my time because I work very hard and don't have much spare so I won't waste it. I'm generous with those I love. With time and money.

The older I get the less tolerant of bullshit I am.

People properly call you lovely because they are terrified of you and are as fake as you back, due to your perceived grudges.

@LittleFingerStreng 😂🙄 yes they're quaking in their boots. Move along.

Apparently it’s a common misconception that good people like animals. Narcissists do because animals don’t ever question their authority or version of reality… sorry @Hoppinggreen

@Haraebo
You haven't done recently.

My default is nice but if someone doesn't reciprocate then I can't be arsed. I'm not interested in peeling back layers of someone's personality to find a good person underneath. I take people at face value.

It wasn't personal to you, it is something I noticed - people sucking up to people they fear, calling them lovely and each being as fake as the other, then bitch behind their back.

We have all seen this dynamic, with a colleague or Mum in the playground they aren't safe offending and as stuck long term with them day in day out, they lie.

Probably not, because I can be very grumpy and sarcastic. And also I despise anything that hints at sentimentality. But I'm not sure that many people ARE truly "nice".

Fu*ck me, the worst I’ve read so far…

I’d like to think so. I used to be a bit more two faced, as in moan about someone annoying me but I’d be nice to their face so I didn’t upset them! However lately, I’ve started being a bit more honest with people! Life is short and I can’t be arsed to people please!!

I think I am generally a nice person that regularly does nice things but am capable of doing horrible things too.

Not particularly, but I'm not a horrible person either. I'm not nasty to anyone but I don't really go out of my way for anyone other than my dc.

I can only think of one or two I know who are genuinely good souls. Don't judge others, don't slag people off, aren't bitter. People like this are few and far between imo.

Revelling in the bullying of children actually sounds psychotic. I appreciate you are just being honest but you have serious issues.

I'm nice. Very rarely have negative thoughts.

But I don't suffer fools and will stand up to anyone doing something wrong.