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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you think you're a nice person?

304 replies

haioopl · 18/03/2023 14:09

I go out of my way for friends and will consider other’s feelings etc. But this is mostly for my own gain, to feel liked and needed. I can be incredibly selfish and often have very selfish thoughts. Is anyone truly nice? Truly genuine?

OP posts:
TedMullins · 23/03/2023 13:04

whumpthereitis · 23/03/2023 11:51

Personally, I don’t think ‘being rude’* is the most grave of sins that shadows all others. Same with confrontation. I much prefer knowing where I stand with someone, over someone trying to spare my feeling, and/or saying one thing to my face and another behind my back.

*What constitutes rudeness varies between cultures. In my home country communication is much more direct than it often is in the UK, and would be considered rudeness in the latter (conversely, not being direct would be considered evidence of untrustworthiness and dishonesty in the former). I had to learn the art of code switching when I moved to the UK, but even now I’m still considered very direct (and at times rude) by UK standards.

I was born and raised in the UK (but have foreign ancestry) and I hate the passive aggressive pussyfooting and don’t say what you mean attitude here. I much prefer being direct. I don’t think it’s rude so if other people do, that’s a them problem

whumpthereitis · 23/03/2023 13:18

TedMullins · 23/03/2023 13:04

I was born and raised in the UK (but have foreign ancestry) and I hate the passive aggressive pussyfooting and don’t say what you mean attitude here. I much prefer being direct. I don’t think it’s rude so if other people do, that’s a them problem

Show quote history

Even now I struggle with it, and I don’t think it’s ever going to come naturally to me (or make sense). Why is being direct and saying what you mean worse than saying something you don’t mean, and inwardly seething about it? You’re just creating more work for yourself for the sake of being unhappy AND encouraging more of the same for yourself.

I genuinely rather people just have the respect for themselves, and for me, to be direct with me. If I’ve asked something of someone and they want to say no, then say no! I’m a big girl and I can both take it and respect them for it.

TedMullins · 23/03/2023 13:53

Completely agree @whumpthereitis. I also take things at face value so when someone’s doing the whole “oh we MUST get a coffee” when they actually mean “I never want to see you again” I will follow up with them to arrange the coffee. I just wouldn’t say that to someone if I didn’t actually want to meet up with them!

Forfrigz · 23/03/2023 16:21

I do genuinely care about others and their wellbeing but I'm a bit reclusive as I get emotionally tired easily and I don't have a problem saying no to things. I can also have a bad temper and in those times I can lash out. There both good and bad in most people I believe.

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