AIBU: I am so annoyed by my kids' unwarranted detention?

OP just to say that while I agree you better let this rest and a detention isn't such a big deal, I also understand your frustration.

I think it is partly with how you have been treated. Citing the law to you smacks of putting the foreigner in her place. It sounds like nobody explained anything to you at first, you're expected to just know how things are done, and when you don't people act as if you were weird or troublesome.

I've been there, living in a flemish town. Something about small, long-settled communities. Better look for the funny side in this... I hope your year abroad improves!

I mean, this is one of those luxury beliefs, isn't it? That you can just swan off to another country for a year and that people will appreciate that you are halving a 'life experience' and accommodate your lack of local knowledge with generosity and appreciate your criticisms of how they do things with good grace?

My first thought was that they should know not to climb up there. However, I was younger (about 8) and run around a cloakroom with a boy. We thought it was fun. A teacher didn't and we had to wait outside the head master's office for the 'slipper'. It never happened but we were reminded by a teacher of the dangers of running around in a cloakroom.

If mum had found out no way would she be molly coddling her 'little Angel that does no wrong'. She would have told me "what for" and then told my dad!

My mum would never have questioned a detention even if the whole class were held back for something someone else did.

Yes an apology from the principal would have been nice after the ping pong table incident. Your son was innocent on that occasion.

However, if they know the school rules about climbing on fences, then they know they shouldn't be doing it and don't have to be told. An hour long detention really isn't that severe.

Absolutely this.

Nobody is special because they're spending a year abroad. They almost all think they are though. Many a family blog has been made in rural France, with cute mismatched, slightly "worn"outfits and nice lighting in idyllic countryside to hammer that point home to the boring people who don't "dare" to uproot their kids for a year (usually to France).

The French don't give a shit, in general. These people often come in and try to impose themselves and their coolness. And then they leave. They appreciate people who make an effort to fit in and tolerate the ones they'll not be sad to see leave [insert shoulder shrug].

I just wish I had a way of feeling less alone. I showed the letter from the school to 2 friends and they both said they have never seen a letter with a paragraph of law articles on it explaining how this detention was official. I mean.. really.
I wrote to their class teacher and the HR manager - I had no reply today.

You're not alone though because not only your boys were punished, their friend who was also climbing on the wall was too. Did his parents kick up a similar fuss or were they fine after they wrote back?

She finished with "I wish you a very good day" and I replied " I don't believe you.". It felt like a nasty argument.

It felt like an argument because you were argumentative and confrontational.

I had some time this morning so I looked up the school rules: they have to start with a verbal warning. Detention is once parents have been spoken with.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect the school to follow their own policy here. Although I think generally your attitude towards the school (before you even found out about this policy) and your boys' behaviour is unreasonable.

If you’re French, I’m surprised you haven’t taught your children at least conversational French. Perhaps verbal warnings weren’t given as they know them as the children who don’t speak the language.

It sounds like this is the culture of the school,
I don’t think you can change it by kicking up a fuss. It sound like there culture is different there in terms of parent teacher dynamic and they just expect parents to respect the decision of the teachers. If it’s making your boys unhappy I think you have to find a new school.

5 months later I innocently asked two kids at the school if they knew what happened - they both told me it was the boy who did rip the selotape who blamed my kid to not get into trouble and that the principal had punished him once he found out. I had not been told this and my son was not apologised to which I felt would have been fair.


Also, if you hate lying so much then don't pretend you innocently asked two kids, you were clearly digging. I can't believe you brought it up FIVE MONTHS later.

This. You have spent far more time fighting this by the sounds of it than your children have spent in detention. It’s an hour of their lives. You could have a train delay that was longer.

I feel differently to most people - I do think they're being ridiculous and that if hanging off a fence is so bad, you should get the kids off as soon as you see them doing it. Can't be that terrible if you don't intervene at the time. And not even talking to the child who's accused of tearing sellotape (shock, horror)? They sound like a bunch of power tripping twats.

But I don't think you're going to win this one, so I'd just suck it up and be glad they're only in this awful place for a year.

Just deal with the fact that they were misbehaving and move on. It always makes me laugh when parents 'threaten' to take badly behaved students out of school. It's like telling a retail worker you'll never come back to their shop. Yeah, I'll try not to cry myself to sleep tonight...

Why are you so hung up on detention? It’s no big deal.

It's not sarcasm, it's a good point well made. Are you going to phone their university tutor in a few years saying the essay mark is too low.....?

Op I do think school are being very heavy handed but I think you have to listen and let it go.

If they were going to be there for ever I'd look at a fresh start in a different school but they are probably only going to be there another term so let it go.
Tell kids to behave and don't do anything they don't see other kids doing.

Although I think a lot of posters are missing the point here, that the school are being very harsh on your boys, (regardless of them having done what they did), aren't you yourself missing the biggest point of all ?

Look at the evidence :-
You say your boys are taking 1 year of school where you are in rural France but they don't speak the language (this must be additional work for the staff involved with your boys because of the initial language barrier)

They haven't apologised to your son for punishing him when they found out that he didn't rip the tape, his accuser actually did.

They aren't issuing verbal warnings to your boys as per their rules regarding discipline matters.

School have said that if you're not happy wth the way they have handled things, then leave

Hve you considered that they possibly resentful of the additional work involved in having 2 kids who don't speak the language foisted on them ? (and all for just one year if I understand your OP correctly)

Climbing fences is pretty dangerous actually. There's a school local to me where a boy was climbing a fence last year (he'd been in a club late and didn't want to walk to the only open gate at the other end of school). He was wearing a ring that got caught on the fence and degloved a finger.

My point is that this isn't a minor infraction as you seem to be treating it as, but a behaviour that can have really serious consequences.

Punishment isn't the only way to learn but a serious punishment for this will hopefully prevent anyone from hurting themselves.

To be clear I do think the member of staff should have told them to stop, but I think we only have the son's word she didn't?

Maybe she did and they didn't hear her/ignored her?

YANBU

It does sound like a shit school to be honest.

A small rural school should be able to manage the majority of behavioural issues by speaking to the children about the issue directly rather than immediately jumping to an automatic detention with no prior warning. I would only expect a detention to be used as a punishment after more serious and continued breaches.

In your shoes, I’d speak to the Head and ask why they’re not following their own written policies in this instance and also be looking for an alternative school. It sounds too authoritative and not very nurturing.

We moved to Ireland mainly because I was unimpressed with the English school system where I was living, and it’s been a good move for my DC. They’re absolutely thriving here.

They are probably hoping you will take your kids and go and have your year in France somewhere else.

What a mountain out of a mole hill.

on a side noted I don’t know the Czech Republic but I’m absolutely sure that there is bullying in schools there as there is in every country. They may deal with it well or it may be more hidden and now online but I can’t imagine there are children anywhere that don’t try to bully verbally physically or online.

My 15 year old DS has had a detention for forgetting his ruler. I'm totally on board with this. He won't forget it again. It teaches them to stick to rules and be self reliant. His dad said that he couldn't turn up for work without his tools. A lack of ruler is lost learning time. He's sucked it up. I'm in the UK.

@Notonstrike has hit it on the head, the school doesn't want the extra work of two non French speakers.

You either suck it up or leave. But don't make it harder for your kids.

No, OP asked why she hadn't said anything and she said "well they should just know".

And nobody else has ever got letters with parafraph of law articles on them.

Seems to me it's a case of an extremely parochial and insular community that just needs to make it very clear to outsiders where they stand, with ridiculous dishonest power trips where they don't even adhere to their own policies. And cover all bases for objection so there's no actual real working channel for complaints.

I don't think I could stand it, but at least it's not for very long.