AIBU: I am so annoyed by my kids' unwarranted detention?

One of the most valuable lessons I learned growing up in the French school system is that Life Is Not Fair. Thé sooner you learn to accept that, the happier you’ll be.

This...

The French system is infamously strict, they take no shit from pupils or parents. It might be over the top, and likely handled differently in different countries or school systems. That's irrelevant- you're in rural France, their rules, their decision.

No, I didn’t climb fences and I agree with the surveillante, your kids should know not to climb fences. You are minimising this but if all the kids did this, the fence would break over time.

French schools are very strict. I think sometimes you just have to accept that if you are visiting or living in another country you have to accept the differences.
When I visit my DH's family I am careful to respect their culture and customs. It isn't my place to make a fuss or complain about the way things are done.
It is a learning experience for DC.

You will look back on this in years to come and cringe.

Sadly, as the kids are already 11 and 12 and she still thinks they can do nothing wrong, I think that's unlikely.

@SueDomym you're in a country where the school has a rule for inappropriate behaviour. BOTH of your children have been caught breaking that rule. Whether you like the rule or not is irrelevant.

Try the UK next time. As you'll see from Mumsnet alone, you'd find yourself in excellent company both for thinking your children can never do anything wrong, and for thinking parents should get to dictate how a school disciplines those who do. In the meantime suck it up and get them to behave.

PS have you discovered yet that in many countries kids can fail, have to repeat years etc? That one's going to hurt when it comes round. Use

5 months later I innocently asked two kids at the school if they knew what happened - they both told me it was the boy who did rip the sellotape who blamed my kid to not get into trouble and that the principal had punished him once he found out. I had not been told this and my son was not apologised to which I felt would have been fair.

5 months later? 5 months later you were asking kids about the original incident? You really need to learn to let things go!

We are not in the UK and when my DC started school there was one official school rule written in the info pack. And that was "children must not climb the fences". There are now three school rules, covering fences, phones and weapons. As for the rest, children are expected to behave and take responsibility for their actions. Our school only give detention if something has been damaged and that detention is to help the groundsman for two hours or until the task has been finished.

You are, I suspect, making your children's lives awkward.

I agree with you over this.

Whilst I wouldn't be bothering to complain about this there has definitely been a shift too far the other way in consequences for pupils in schools lately.

We need a fine balance.

I also think tell them to get down. If they don't - consequence. If they get up again - consequence.

But we are teaching our young people to punish without effective communication nowadays IMO. They are learning of someone does something they don't like then punish them for it - rather than talk. It's having a massive effect on relationships between young people.

(I work in education bye the way and have for decades so I've seen the massive shift from one extreme to the other)

And I hate zero tolerance policies.

Your DS got a detention and 5 months later you're quizzing pupils about what happened? And now getting into a fight about another detention?

Think you need to let these things go.

I'm a teacher and now think France must be a wonderful place to teach.

In the U.K., parents question any detention. They didn't do it. Oh you have witnesses and cctv? Well then it was your fault because they were bored, felt sad, didn't know it was wrong, were told to do it by someone else. And even if it was their fault, they can't do detention because they'll have to walk home alone, or they'll miss an important after school activity, or I'll have to finish work early, or you'll impair their mental health. Parents might feel like they've won if a detention is overturned but really standards are falling and behaviour is getting worse everywhere because kids increasingly know that there are no effective sanctions.

I'm glad the school stood up to you and you are being ridiculous.

One still sleeps with a giant teddy

Is that your child by any chance?

Maybe you should home school your children?

I also think tell them to get down. If they don't - consequence. If they get up again - consequence.

You're missing the point though and looking at it through UK system eyes. They shouldn't be on the fence therefore the teachers shouldn't have to tell them to get down. It is expected that they know and follow the rules. No discussion. It is the child's responsibility to behave, not the supervisors to enforce.

How do you know they weren’t told not to do that??

of course they were told to get down!!!

I'm not a fan of punishment but I think you are attempting to change the entire school system here! My experience of French schools is that they are hot on punishment. I wouldn't put my kids in a French school.

What is their French like? I'm guessing good since you're French / British. If it isn't good it could be that there are lots of misunderstandings happening and this was the last straw.

Hanging from a fence isn’t terrible but it all depends whose fence you’re hanging from. My son got into trouble for climbing one of the trees at school. We supported the school’s punishment because he broke the rules even though ordinarily we would encourage him climbing trees.

Do the crime, do the time. Move on. You’re making it worse than it is.

It's a reasonable point you make op.
But some schools just are very strict. They prioritise what seem like insignificant rules to ensure behaviour is kept under control.

It's an approach. If you don't like it move the kids to another school.

Or if they seem happy there otherwise, just accept it.

Your to involved take a step back. Also no climbing on fences is not acceptable as it can damage the fence and someone can get hurt.

School is preparation for working life. I’m real life you do not hang off walls, fences etc and are often observed at work.

This.

If only this were the case in the UK, makes me sad that Brexit ended my plan to retire to live in France.

No wonder one of my family enjoyed teaching there much more than in Suffolk.

Maybe they didn't need to tell them to get down because they saw the adults and got down. The detention is for being up there in the first place. Because if every child in the school climbed the fence daily it would be damaged. I am sure they knew they shouldn't be up there. They chanced it because they thought they wouldn't get caught or because they thought they'd just get a ticking off.

The school is disciplining your children. It’s normal! The school has rules children must abide by.

Your boys shouldn’t have climbed the fence. There wasn’t any need for them to climb the fence. Now they will be reminded of that with a detention.
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As for the sellotape incident, I would let it go but make sure the same boy doesn’t try to blame your boys for things in the future

Seems odd they weren’t told off at the time I agree. I don’t think it’s good behaviour to climb/ hang off a school fence though. It’s school property.
you might not think the punishment fits the crime, or the school dealt with it well. However, this is a good opportunity to teach your children that they should respect decisions made by authorities. Sometimes life isn’t fair!
This is all very minor in the grand scheme. I think your view on this detention is clouded by the previous incident. Which was unfair, but the school did apologise to your son for.

Even if they had been told to get down and not climb the fence that doesn't mean that punishment would not have been given out. They were climbing the fence therefore were punished. A boy climbed a fence at my school to get a ball,was wearing a ring,which he shouldn't have been wearing. Nasty injury. His potential wedding ring finger is now a stump. When you ask your children what had happened,I hope your reaction is not going to cause you and them problems in the future where they and you think they can do no wrong. For what it's worth,children that are angels at home can be terrors at school and vice versa.