are we all just wank material?

[piqueen]

I've been speaking to a few different people online in a group for my hobby.
The women are all normal, the men have mostly been normal. (age from 20-50)
I've been speaking to 3 men, very polite. Everything on topic. As soon as the sun goes down, all 3 become rude, sexual innuendos and asking if I'm alone in bed.
Why?!
It is so boring and predictable and now I feel like leaving the group because its so fucking insulting.

This is a group where people can message privately only, and I get mostly messages from men, there are maybe 10x the amount of men on here than women. Now I'm wondering if they all come on just to talk dirty to women.

They answered that though, as it's an anon chat room type thing and they're just here for all the bantz whether it be penis beaker, Korean ladies in your front garden or fat balls or whatever 😁
Which I reckon a lot of people are tbf

Most single people get told to join groups and put themselves ‘out there’. That’s the reason I don’t bother joining groups anymore. Stick to MN. No one will be sliding into your DMs with sex chat here.

I am a massive nerd and like to play things like Risk online. I have to play with a fake male profile now, as I would either get men hitting on me or when I won I would get men saying they were going to find me and rape me.

That's disgusting 😥
I'd be blocking the arseholes straight away and carrying on as I was

I've been a member of an online world wide music quiz for about 5 years, the amount of men who treat it as a dating app has escalated dramatically over the last year. I'm constantly being asked for my personal number, I'm 53, I look my age and my profile says I'm married.

This week I received my first ever unsolicited dick pic from a 51 year old man who was annoyed that I wouldn't engage with him.
that being said I don't know any men in real life like that.... or perhaps they hide it well.

Not true sadly. I joined a light hearted thread in the sex topic a few weeks ago. At the time people has been complaining about the topic being in active and i was among those saying just scroll by if you don't like it. However I made one jokey comment and had a creepy inbox message. Learned my lesson there!

no mods, you can report but report everyone?
it's an online group so people all over the world get chatting.
an example is
M " I am from Germany so I spoke about xyz. . . you should come. . ."
F " that is interesting because x y z, I went on a trip to Germany at school it was great. . ."
clock chimes indicating night time
M '' I am naked in bed let's chat about my big penis " for fuck sake.

we have been speaking all day for days about interesting subjects and I'm thinking this person's great, he hasn't hit on me or said I'm beautiful lady but then he was just wauting for an acceptable time? it is as if all men on there are thinking I must he a dirty slut for daring to be awake at night.

(when I say we have been messaging for days I mean sporadically, but replying every few hours over a few days)

I took a new photo with no make up for my profile photo, I am not a stunner, very plain Jane but I expect any Jane will do.

I don't want to have to leave!
why should I? I was really enjoying it, its very interesting and I am was being exposed to loads of ideas and it's invaluable speaking to people from different cultures. It's become apparent that males from every culture like to talk dirty to randoms on the Internet.

One even asked for a photo to prove I'm not a fake account. Ummm who even cares we are speaking about Robert frost not fucking the icing in my knickers. Fuck off!
the kicker? he has no photo so... fucking hell.

to speak to only women would mean I have access to 10 out of 100 people, this is a thing where more opinions matter. Especially if I am writing about a specific culture, I want people from that place.

when I say no mods I mean, not many, it's one person who I suspect is male also and I don't want to be kicked off for reporting everyone.

Well OK I'm speculating about the mods but I've reported a few and they are still on and still sending me messages so I imagine there are few or they don't really care.
it's not like mumsent, it's a small 'community' I can see why they wouldn't want to ban users but also I think they say no sexual references that should be upheld.

the many men are all like this

NAMALT - Nearly all men are like this

@piqueen
i could have written your last posts, my last chat was with a middle aged man in LA, we chatted about common musical interests infrequently for a couple of weeks I give him no personal info at all then he tells me I'm very beautiful and he's imagining he's inside me WTAF.

I delete and report but there's always another one.

But - to extend the analogy. I sort of see it as yes you know that there are poisonous mushrooms. But you've got mushrooms in your own garden that you know are harmless.

Then someone comes over and says 'but you know that mushrooms are poisonous, right?'

Surely you'd point to your mushrooms and say, yes I know but these are good ones and we can eat these. Not all mushrooms are poisonous.

By saying 'mushrooms are poisonous' you'd miss out on the delicious ones.

The issue is that bad mushrooms can look very like the good ones - they can be good at pretending

Yes and the false mushrooms can make you ill.

Of course, but they then fall into the poisonous mushroom category. But good mushrooms STILL exist, in large numbers.

So not all mushrooms are like that. It's just a fact.

I wish someone could explain AMALT so that it makes sense to me 🤷‍♀️

This won't be a popular take, but here goes.

There seems to be near 100% acceptance that the counterparty in these online conversations is who they say they are. It's a foundational component of the "AMALT" mindset. If someone claiming to be a man behaves in a reprehensible way, then the confirmation bias kicks in. I wonder sometimes whether this is correct? Some of the anti-men lobby even on MN are so unhinged, I really wouldn't put it past the people behind those accounts to also masquerade as men on other forums to generate the outrage they feed off. In other cases, these profiles might be children, acting out of immaturity rather than genuine menace. Or automated bot-farms, looking to harvest data from easily-suggestible users as a precursor to later financial fraud (of the Nigerian Prince wants you to inherit his millions fame). Even here on MN, there is quite open acknowledgement of people disguising their identity in order to express views or opinions that they wouldn't want to be outed for. Hardly anyone is who they claim to be online.

Google "who catfishes on the internet" and the results are surprising. One study suggests up to 63% of SM users have reported having been a victim of catfishing at least once. One psychological journal categorised the personality types most likely to fall for a catfish as romantics (people who tend to idealise romantic relationships) and people high in neuroticism (anxious people or those who deal with a lot of negative feelings in general). One quote stood out for me: "Women and middle-aged people were also generally more likely to fall for catfishes than people of other genders and ages." Anyone else recognise the MN demographic in that description? But ... 64% of catfishers interviewed as part of this research were actually women. 24% of catfishers stated they are of the opposite sex when creating a false identity. If those are the waters that SM users are swimming in, it's no wonder that it is difficult to reconcile people's behaviours IRL with those encountered online. It is not statistically valid to generalise to "AMALT" based on such experiences online.

Yeah, no, definitely, women are pretending to be men you know and sending messages for reasons. Probably evil ones! I've met those so-called "ladies" before and you know what they say about the female of the species...eh, guys? They know what I'm talking about...

To some men yes, women only exist for sexual gratification. It's vile and I wouldn't give them the time of day. They don't think of me as a person after all so why should I give them that respect?

In fact is there a group leader you could report them to? What you describe is sexual harrassment and it's not on.

If the leader is one of the problem men then consider messaging the women separately and asking if they have also experienced unwelcome messagees and whether they want to start your own women only group?

Lol. No hun. We are not describing catfishing. Sexual harrassment is an entirely different beast and almost overwhelmingly men.

You would be surprised unfortunately. But it happens much less often here than other places.

I do get that. The point I was making was that the harassment isn't necessarily representative of all men, and doesn't prove that AMALT. Because, you know, not all men are online, and not all online personas are men. Many accounts are bots. Many online users are motivated by distinctly different agendas than sexual harassment. In those cases, feelings of persecution or harassment experienced by the recipient are collateral damage of some other objective (usually fraud). Doesn't diminish the subjective experience or make it any less awful - but it does reduce the validity of the AMALT argument somewhat.

I mean there is unwanted attention and then there are dick pics.

Update- I've made a new account with Mr Darcey as my profile picture.
Hopefully I will attract attract nice ladies, even though I'm clearly now a catfish

Welcome to the club!

(Never received a dick pic in my entire online life)

so it is my fault for having male family members that act like that when they have had a drink or when they didn't know I was there?

Women everywhere! It's also YOUR FAULT for having male family members.

Sadly it's all too common for male family members hitting on and raping females in their families. Are these girls surrounding themselves with pricks too? Fucking hell how the fuck can such a dick also be such a fucking pussy. Cunt.