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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you earned the same or more as your DC's father when you gave birth to your first child?

206 replies

MissHoneysHappyEnding · 15/03/2023 20:32

Personally I did. I was in a managerial position. Couldn't go back part time after mat leave as the role didn't exist part time. Ended up moving down a pay grade.
What I want to know is how many women already earn less pre children, therefore making them the ones to sacrifice their careers (temporarily) and how many do so because they want to be the ones who stay at home due to enjoying raising children more, breastfeeding, PND, birth trauma etc.
I have no agenda, just curious

OP posts:
Moraxella · 15/03/2023 20:35

Earned less before and still do after. Went back PT as cannot get childcare to match my FT hours - would need wraparound care in addition to 12hrs/day at nursery.

DESGUSTING · 15/03/2023 20:36

Nope

RufustheSpeculatingreindeer · 15/03/2023 20:36

I earned just under half of what dh did when i gave birth

i thought about going back to work but they wanted me to do 3 ‘short days’ so 9 to 5 when i would have preferred 2 long days

i also wasnt going to get the promotion i was due because i had a baby…so i kinda thought fuck ‘em

in an ideal world we’d probably have tried to share the child care but it just didn’t work out money wise….i really enjoyed being a sahm though

roseopose · 15/03/2023 20:37

I earnt more per year but went part time after DD so we were earning roughly the same. Then we moved and I got a new job which paid less and DP got a pay rise so now we're on the same per year but I work 3 days. I do sometimes feel a bit shocked when I look at how my earnings have tumbled since having DD but that is partly due to the move.

CandyLeBonBon · 15/03/2023 20:38

Yes I was earning more than him but as we had a ND child who was a lot more challenging than expected, I ended up taking the hit.

InTheFutilityRoomEatingBiscuits · 15/03/2023 20:39

Earned less then. About half.

Earn 4x what he does now.

moggerhanger · 15/03/2023 20:39

I earned more, but my type of employment was able to be far more flexible on hours than DH's. So I went part time, he stayed full time. My FTE salary has always been bigger than his but take-home pay has been less since the DC.

HubertTheGoat · 15/03/2023 20:40

I earned marginally more, definitely a better pension. 5 years on we still earn similarly, though I work slightly less. The other way round would be better short term but I want a day at home with my children. He probably has more earning potential than I do long term.

Albiboba · 15/03/2023 20:41

To ask if you earned the same or more as your DC's father when you gave birth to your first child?

I earned more just before I became pregnant. By the time I returned from around 14 months of maternity leave (normal statutory leave plus annual leave) he earned about 10k more plus 2 bonuses.

Lonecatwithkitten · 15/03/2023 20:42

Was earning less prior to having DD, was a decision to have her at a plateau in my career, so I was back at work at the rise point. Was earning 50% more than him 18 months later.

Pootleplum · 15/03/2023 20:42

I earned more than double DH salary before DD and now 4 x more. But my industry is well paid and his is not. We were able to do childcare evenly too.

We are stressed though. Both working FT and managing DD is not easy. When someone is ill it all goes to pieces.

Newmumatlast · 15/03/2023 20:42

More. Returned on 1 day less a week. Now more than before.

BertieBotts · 15/03/2023 20:42

Less. All three times.

It's the advice I always give people when pregnant - everyone automatically thinks about and compares the options of the mum returning to work, being SAHM, going back part time or changing career. Hardly anybody considers these options for the father, and you absolutely should. It doesn't really matter if you don't end up choosing one. Do it as a thought experiment. Think through how it would work. Think through who is going to take the sick days, who is going to take time off when nursery closes or there's a teacher training day, how you're going to cover summer holidays, who will go to see the special assemblies, who will take them to dental check ups etc. Think about how it would look when the child is 5, or 10, or 15. How each of your careers might look.

Just think about it, because people don't. They consider the immediate implications of mum staying home vs going back and that is it. (I am guilty of this myself, although we thought about DH being SAHD for a bit with DS2, I could not get full time work in the end so it wouldn't have worked.)

Lavender14 · 15/03/2023 20:44

We earned almost the same but dh gets slightly more not Inc bonuses. My work has a family friendly policy and I wanted to be off for the full mat leave to establish bf and recover from the pregnancy which was tough. Ideally I would like to go back pt to help with childcare costs but I'm possibly being made redundant while on mat leave so waiting to find out what will happen.

sunshineandshowers40 · 15/03/2023 20:44

I earned more. DH earns more than me now and also has the option of paid overtime. I have changed sector and am much happier.

4timesthefun · 15/03/2023 20:44

Way less - probably about 4x less as I was still studying and only working part time. However, I finished my studies, and I’ve had periods of being the primary income earner. We have four children now and at this stage he is back to being the primary earner. Four has been the tipping point for us where someone needs more flexibility. I’m happy for that person to
be me for the next couple of years. We can swap again later!

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 15/03/2023 20:45

Earned more, still earn more. Went back full time after both.

Maybebabyno2 · 15/03/2023 20:45

I doubled my salary switching jobs after mat leave. We earn around the same now.

scrivette · 15/03/2023 20:45

I earned more, I was on a good wage and DH had taken a huge drop in salary to start a new career and I was earning almost double.

DH now earns far more than me as I have changed roles to suit the childcare and am now part time.

cocksstrideintheevening · 15/03/2023 20:45

No, but I now earn twice what he does as a teacher

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 15/03/2023 20:46

I was earning more and am earning significantly more now our son is one

TheGoogleMum · 15/03/2023 20:47

I earned more, we both dropped a working day, then he went back full time - at this point our earnings are quite close but mine is just slightly more still.
About to be on mat leave again and now work has pissed me off passing me over for promotion so I might be cutting even more when I go back/hunt for another job

Rtmhwales · 15/03/2023 20:47

I earned less than DH at the time we had children BUT I earned the same amount he made at the same age. He's five years older than me so, so I should be on a similar wage by then.

maddening · 15/03/2023 20:47

Slightly less, took voluntary redundancy and had just over a year off, next job was 3k less than the job I left, I worked there for 5 years and increased my salary by 14k while I was there, I moved for 3k more and 5 years later I have increased by 10k and am now at slightly more than my dh (his salary has also increased over that time, but I have increased at a slightly higher rate)

Xenia · 15/03/2023 20:48

More as he is a teacher and we agreed if one of us had to give up work he would but we found a daily nanny which took 50% of each of our net salaries in year 1 and that worked out okay. Ultimately I earned 10x more. We both have always worked full time.