To ask if you earned the same or more as your DC's father when you gave birth to your first child?

[MissHoneysHappyEnding]

Personally I did. I was in a managerial position. Couldn't go back part time after mat leave as the role didn't exist part time. Ended up moving down a pay grade.
What I want to know is how many women already earn less pre children, therefore making them the ones to sacrifice their careers (temporarily) and how many do so because they want to be the ones who stay at home due to enjoying raising children more, breastfeeding, PND, birth trauma etc.
I have no agenda, just curious

I was his manager ,I got him the job
after I had baby ,he refused to consider any childcare
I ended up a stay at home mum ,he got my job
we had a second child he had disabilities and i never went back to work
he since told me he has no respect for career women ,and wasn’t having one as mum to his kids .

3 x more than dp and went back at ds 6 mths old full time.
Now earn a lot lot more as in a senior role and got qualifications while on mat leave.

I insisted on full time and we split childcare. It was the right call.

About the same, went back part time for £10k less. But childcare fees broke us even part time, so I stopped working when we had our second.

Took 10 years out, got a job that pays better than my original role, but DH salary has more than doubled in that time as he rose in rank 3 times.

Less but it was always going to be like that because of the different industries we work in.
I now work PT which I’m happy with. His earnings are double my FTE.

Earned the same before. He definitely wouldn’t have taken extended paternity leave. Now earning less than half his wage as in the decade I’ve been part time I’ve only had one ‘proper’ pay rise as being part time has meant that there is no job market for the kind of work I do so I was effectively trapped in my role.
Technically could go full time now but I’m not sure mixing perimenopause and no free time would be a great choice.

I was earning about 3k less than OH when we had DS 14 years ago. I now earn over 30k less than him!

I earned more. Saved enough to support myself whilst on mat leave

Then went back full time and still earn a lot more

More

I was on the same salary as DH when DC1 was born but DH got a new job a month before I returned to work. 9 years on (and another DC along), he's remained at the same grade and I have obtained two promotions so am now earning almost double his salary.

When I met my husband I earned more than him. When we had DC he earned just slightly higher than me. I had spent years building my career but more than anything I've Nate's to be a mother and chose to return to work part time (2 days). My role wasn't viable part time so I chose to step down from my position and take a deputy position instead. Best decision I ever made!

I still have my job with a decent wage and permanent contract and far less stress. I have never regretted taking a step back on my career as I love the balance I have now of being a present mother but with a career I'm proud of.

My DH careers has excelled since having DC and he is now earning much more than me but any family income is classed as joint and we share finances equally. He does work very long hours though so I'm left doing the bulk of housework and childcare but we have a cleaner 2 hours a week that is a blessing.

At the time I earnt 40% more before tax. I still ended up stopping ny career and working pt all through my DCs childhood. We were very tight for money for a long time but my DH has worked hard and now earns 3 times the salary that he did 15 years ago. So I suppose it worked out ok. I am currently retraining for a career that I wanted to train in my whole life.

When we first started dating I did but he now earns about 20%. However, his future earning potential is much higher than mine as he is still building his career whereas I won't get massive increases going forward.

So when i got pregnant we discussed it. My career is more flexible and i have better parental leave policy and pay and more options to go back and work flexibly than he does so I am the one sacrificing my career a bit more as there's less to sacrifice. I've gone back full time after baby 1 but i may not after 2 babies. who knows

Earnt slightly more. Still earn slightly more.

I took 6 month May pay as that was the most economical option then returned full time. Been full time throughout

Didn't you discuss this before having children?

Did HE offer to stay at home? If not, the attitude is mind boggling!

Tbh OP I'm shocked by all of the responses.

Can we really complain bout a pay gap when this thread shows that even women earning more seem to immediately drop to 2 days a week and completely dial back their career when they have kids.

If you have 2-3 kids that likely for 6-10 years.

By then the disparity is huge and given that 1 in 3 marriages end up in divorce (and figure is higher for Co-habiting couples) it's alarming to see how much women put themselves in such a vulnerable position

I earned more and I still do. I went back to work ft. I really value my financial independence and would never give this up. I've been married once before and got absolutely shafted, so it's a case of 'once bitten'

Funny how so many women's job tend to have more flexibility but the men's don't. Or is it just the men never ask or don't want to ask?

By then the disparity is huge and given that 1 in 3 marriages end up in divorce (and figure is higher for Co-habiting couples) it's alarming to see how much women put themselves in such a vulnerable position
I agree. A friend of mine has just found herself in a terrible position - dumped in middle age by her alleged "great provider" of a husband, who has turned out to actually be a financial disaster, and having not worked since her now adult children were born she is really up shit creek. And they had been, as far as she was concerned, happily married for over 30 years. You really never know.
Plus of course marriages don't just break up. People sadly die or get ill or disabled, potentially putting the family into financial difficulties. I know it's not always possible, but I think that whenever it is, it's sensible for both partners in any relationship to retain some degree of financial independence and maintain their earning capacity. You just never know what is around the next corner.

@MissHoneysHappyEnding I get what your saying but I think it really does depend on mindset and how you feel/view it.

If you view childcare for your own children as ‘work’ and love your career then dropping hours or work would seem like a sacrifice. But if you really enjoy time with your babies/kids then it seems like a privilege.

It also depends on your age when having kids. If you’re in your thirties then you may be where you want to be in your career when TTC and don’t want to progress any further. So your not hindering your progression by dropping hours as you don’t want to go any higher anyway.

If both mum and dad earn very low minimum wage earner with no desire for progression in social housing (both shop workers for example) then regardless of who drops hours, if you split up there will be little financial impact as you’ll get government support and maybe even be better off.

I personally adore my days at home with baby. I spent my twenties progressing, partying, travelling and had my baby at 30. This is just the next phase of my life. I’m not ‘sacrificing’ anything. I want to spent most my time with my child whilst they’re little. Even if I didn’t have a DP I still wouldn’t work full time. Even if I didn’t have a baby I still wouldn’t want to go any higher. I don’t want the stress of senior management.
My DP on the other hand spent his twenties backpacking around the world and partying but not being bothered about work as such. Now he’s in his thirties he’s only now focusing on his career.
I am where I want to be so can take a step back. He is progressing to where he wants to be so has to take a step forward.

I do think that couples should be encouraged to BOTH look at working patterns when TTC.
But we are not work horses. There is nothing wrong with either parent wanting to be at home with their child. There is nothing wrong with NOT wanting to put your baby in childcare 5days a week so you can progress. There is nothing wrong with NOT having a career and being happy to work in a supermarket or post office.

Bring part time or a SAHP doesn’t have to be a sacrifice if you’re happy to do it. No woman or man should be shamed for WANTING to be with their baby rather than work.

I earned less and still do, but I still make six figures. DH sold his soul to an American Megabank, so he makes several times what I do + bonus.

I went back to work full time, as my job offers me excellent benefits and a reasonable amount of flexibility. Never occurred to me to be a SAHM. I like having my own money.

I think we probably earned about the same. He earns more than me now, but only because he left the industry he was in to go to another one. If he was still doing what he was doing back then, I would definitely be the higher earner.

That said, my career has not suffered at all by having children. Since my first was born 10 years ago, I did a PhD and I'm earning probably £30K+ more per year than I was 10 years ago. I have a really good job I love with quite a prestigious employer. I earn less because nearly everyone in my industry earns less than dh does and I've chosen to work PT because I like it. Dh and I still share the childcare and school runs equally because he has a lot of flexibility and doesn't work a typical 40 hour week either.

More. And still more now I work 0.8 FTE and he's still FT. But he's had a promotion so with my reduction in hours we are reasonably close.

I earned about 15k less (but I'm 14 years younger and was fairly recently qualified in my profession). I went back full time and by the time we had our second child I was earning 15k more. Back full time again and now on 50k more. Its been tough (he's always been FT too) but I'm more ambitious and had more scope for promotion so I'm glad I didn't step back. It's not for everyone though, I agree.

I earned the same before. Eight years after the birth of my first I'm now on 60% of what he earns (and £1.5k more than I was when I went on mat leave)

That said, the role I'm in has lots of perks and flexibility - I could potentially earn more but our quality of family life would not be as good.

More before. More after. He's currently a SAHD.