Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you earned the same or more as your DC's father when you gave birth to your first child?

206 replies

MissHoneysHappyEnding · 15/03/2023 20:32

Personally I did. I was in a managerial position. Couldn't go back part time after mat leave as the role didn't exist part time. Ended up moving down a pay grade.
What I want to know is how many women already earn less pre children, therefore making them the ones to sacrifice their careers (temporarily) and how many do so because they want to be the ones who stay at home due to enjoying raising children more, breastfeeding, PND, birth trauma etc.
I have no agenda, just curious

OP posts:
EmmaDilemma5 · 15/03/2023 21:17

Earned the same pre kids. Now, 5 years on, I earn the same as I did, he earns much more.

SockQueen · 15/03/2023 21:18

Earned a bit more before, but mainly because he took a pay cut so we could move out of London before having kids.

I then went part time after DS1 in 2016 so my salary dropped, though did gradually creep up with annual increments as I got more senior, so I think I overtook him again in the last couple of years. I've just had a significant promo and gone back to FT, so my new gross salary will be almost double his.

justpoppingtotheshops · 15/03/2023 21:18

Earned about twice before having child 1 - by time I had twins I earned almost 4 times as much

Mammyloveswine · 15/03/2023 21:19

Earned a bit more then went part time.. now earn double as I'm back full time but after tax, student loan and pension it's about £400 a month difference

89redballoons · 15/03/2023 21:20

Earned 3x what DH did pre DC1. Now coming to the end of mat leave with DC2 (two year gap). I will still earn 3x what he does when I go back to work. L

We both went down to a 4 day week after the first lot of parental leave finished, with different non-working days so we only need childcare 3 days a week.

It's a good arrangement for us although I do think if it was the other way round and DH was the high earning professional, it would have naturally been assumed that I would give up work completely and he'd go back full-time and really focus on getting promoted and providing for the family. I wouldn't actually want to work full-time while my partner got more time with the babies, but who knows how much of that is nature vs nurture really.

Crochetpenguin · 15/03/2023 21:20

Exactly the same wage at start. We met when he joined my workplace but I left after dd2 was born as childcare more than 1 wage. We are both in different jobs now but dh earns a lot more even though I have a degree.

JlL2013 · 15/03/2023 21:20

We event the same, but now I earn double what he does.

Knitterofcrap · 15/03/2023 21:20

We earned about the same but I had no doubt that I wanted to be a SAHM for a few years so it wasn’t a deciding factor.

I went back when youngest started school and I worked part time until youngest was 12.

Stroopwaffle5000 · 15/03/2023 21:23

I earnt more. He's moved jobs and got promotions over the years so he's on about the same as me now.

noBSmum · 15/03/2023 21:23

I earned about 2x what my husband earned. 1 kid, 5 years later I earn 3x what he earns.

RafaellaOrDella · 15/03/2023 21:25

I earned much more than him and still do, even though I work part-time and he is full-time. I took a year's maternity leave and went back to work full-time, but have been part-time (80 percent) since DD started school.

It would make more sense in theory for him to work part-time, but I like being part-time and he can't complain since I still earn more than twice his wage and pay for all our major outgoings (shrug).

MangoPineapple11 · 15/03/2023 21:26

Currently looking to TTC and my basic is about £12,000 more than DP. however, he does lots of overtime which surpasses me usually .

MyBrotherIsATit · 15/03/2023 21:27

My eldest is now 18. Over the last 18 years my DHs wage has tripled from 17 to 50 something. Mine has decreased from 30 to 15. I now work 20 hours a week and am the main carer for the kids and do parent care too. During covid however I briefly had a crisis driven job demanding 24/7 attention. My family and physical health suffered. We decided this wasn’t good enough and have spent the last 6 months reprioritising so I work less again, recenter the kids/parents needs again, support DH again, look after my own health again. Life is good despite being skint but it’s only made possible due to DHs better income.

Kentlassie · 15/03/2023 21:27

I earned more. I went back 4 days a week and my pro rata salary was about equal to DH’s FT. My earning potential is much higher (purely due to the sector, not because I’m a genius…!). By taking one step up I would earn significantly more than if DH went up a level but I can’t see that happening any time soon.

HandScreen · 15/03/2023 21:28

I earned more then and I earn more now. I have always worked full time. I think it's sad to see how many women go part time after having kids and stop progressing in their careers. What a waste/shamme.

HandScreen · 15/03/2023 21:29

*shame

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 15/03/2023 21:29

Earned more, he was on about £21k, I was on £28k.

Went back to work FT when DD was 9months old. 8 years later he's on £23k and I'm on £85k.

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/03/2023 21:29

We both earn the same. One of the reasons why I had a short maternity leave is because I didn't want my earnings to suffer just because I had a baby.

Neither of us considered going part time.

TeenLifeMum · 15/03/2023 21:30

Slightly more and on same career path… I now earn 20k less. This is largely due to the fact he has a penis. He is aware of this and makes it clear he doesn’t believe he’s better than me and even asks my opinions on work related issues I can help with.

grumpycow1 · 15/03/2023 21:31

I earned more, so I went back 5 day a week. He did 4 days a week but luckily one day at the weekend so could do 2 days childcare. We then did nursery two days and family for the 5th day.

Isittimetogohomeyet · 15/03/2023 21:33

I earn more and still do. I also had the more flexible job with wfh, flexi time etc which did mean I stayed in a role for far too long as it was so convenient when kids were young.

BraveGoldie · 15/03/2023 21:33

I earned significantly less than him. But then did an MBA while with baby, moved company. and quickly overtook him when coming back from mat leave. Now I earn waaaay more.

halfthesun · 15/03/2023 21:36

Despite him working in the city my salary including bonus was twice his. I worked in recruitment. Now I'm a teacher on less than half of what I earnt twenty years ago!

ladykale · 15/03/2023 21:37

TeenLifeMum · 15/03/2023 21:30

Slightly more and on same career path… I now earn 20k less. This is largely due to the fact he has a penis. He is aware of this and makes it clear he doesn’t believe he’s better than me and even asks my opinions on work related issues I can help with.

How did you determine its because he's a man? Why don't you move company and try to negotiate a greater salary?

Carrotsandsuede · 15/03/2023 21:38

I earned more and have gone part time and still earn more albeit only 2K more now I’m part time.

I always knew I’d go part time if I had children regardless of his earnings.

We’re very fortunate that grandparents do childcare whilst we work so no childcare costs.

I don’t see it as hurting my career as it’s optional and wouldn’t go for promotions unless it was part time. It’s entirely by choice for me.