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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you earned the same or more as your DC's father when you gave birth to your first child?

206 replies

MissHoneysHappyEnding · 15/03/2023 20:32

Personally I did. I was in a managerial position. Couldn't go back part time after mat leave as the role didn't exist part time. Ended up moving down a pay grade.
What I want to know is how many women already earn less pre children, therefore making them the ones to sacrifice their careers (temporarily) and how many do so because they want to be the ones who stay at home due to enjoying raising children more, breastfeeding, PND, birth trauma etc.
I have no agenda, just curious

OP posts:
NewChange · 15/03/2023 21:04

Earned marginally less pro rated part time then. Earn about 60% more full time now.

catshreddedthesofa · 15/03/2023 21:05

I am about to go on maternity leave with our first child and I earn more, but not loads more. It's pretty even.

Our working plan is we'll both do a 4 day week or a 9 day fortnight when I go back to work, so we both get time with baby and neither of our careers take a major hit.

mogtheforg3tfulcat · 15/03/2023 21:05

I earned more. The plan was that I would return to work full time and dh part time after dd1. When dh informed his boss of the plan he was offered a pay rise which took him to the same pay as me. I went part time which continued after dd2. DH now earns vastly more than I ever will if I stay in the same career (teaching).

MajorCarolDanvers · 15/03/2023 21:06

DC 1 I earned more.
DC 2 he earned more.
Currently I earn a lot more.

We both did spells of SAHP and being part time for the pre-school years.

We shared the parenting and the career breaks.

TwistandSprout · 15/03/2023 21:06

Earned a bit more but stopped working. Had four kids and returned to work 11 years later. Earn more again now.

Cantstaystuckforever · 15/03/2023 21:07

More before, more after.

ditalini · 15/03/2023 21:07

More. Went pt so earned less on returning to work.

When dc2 came along my pay and hours had both increased so I earned more again. This time I took shared leave with dh and went back earlier than I had with dc1. Eventually dh became a SAHD for a few years.

We're now both working full time on professional salaries (albeit not at the mn £100k level) and I still earn more since dh took a knock being out of the workforce for a few years.

historygeek · 15/03/2023 21:08

We earned similar when I had DS. Due to him being made redundant/ retarining/ lack of experience in new role and me having several promotions, I now earn approx £20k more than him.

Flojoohno · 15/03/2023 21:08

Earned less so made sense for me to take maternity. After that I worked nights and he worked days so we could juggle it.
He still earns more now.

Suzi888 · 15/03/2023 21:08

I was, then he overtook me! Went part time
for years, have increased hours now but I’ll never catch up to DH now.
I absolutely detest my job, but it’s still a good salary so I’m stuck. L.A, nothing fancy!

Littlebluedinosaur · 15/03/2023 21:08

Earned more before… still earn more. Husband and I both went part time. Fair is fair!

Jazzy21 · 15/03/2023 21:09

I think me and DH earned the same as each other in the first year of training, but since then he’s out-earned me by tens of thousands. That’s the private sector versus the public sector for you! A primary school teacher is never going to earn what someone working in finance can earn. So I was always going to be the SAHP. Bythe time our first child came along, DH was earning 3 x my salary.

DelurkingAJ · 15/03/2023 21:09

Earned more. Still earn more after two sets of mat leave of a year. Went back FT. Did discuss DH being a SAHD but he didn’t want to.

Sunsetintheeast · 15/03/2023 21:09

We earned about the same before, now I earn more working part time. I retrained when I had my 2DC.

Willyoujustbequiet · 15/03/2023 21:09

Considerably more

Now he is my ex and an absent father. He earns considerably more as his career is unencumbered and has no childcare restrictions.

Bearthepooh · 15/03/2023 21:10

I earn more than I did 3 years ago at child birth and dp was about the same as me then. But he now earns more than me and I've had to cancel training I was doing that would have progressed my career and earning potential.
However i took voluntary redundancy around the same time my DD was born and I probably wouldn't have gotten the new job I have now that pays more if I wasn't pregnant.

JessicaBrassica · 15/03/2023 21:10

Dh changed career as dc1 was born. Pre children he earned 120% of what I earned. Post kids he earned 25%. I had a year matleave both times and went back 3 days after dc1 and 4 days after dc2. I now earn 3x his salary. It's been tight.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 15/03/2023 21:11

Dh earned more than double my wages when dc1 was born. A mix of factors, I was public sector, he isn't. He gets bonuses and "on call" pay which bumps it all up.

Pre birth we had intended both doing a 4 day week but then I had postpartum psychosis and was convinced by my mental health team that returning to work would be a huge mistake, so I didn't.

NaomhPadraigin · 15/03/2023 21:11

I earned roughly the same when 1st DC was born, I now earn ~20k more and am looking at promotion and payrise this year. He's in the airline industry so the company is still trying to recover from covid.
I would really love not to have to work full time but there's bills to be paid 😞

Ponderingwindow · 15/03/2023 21:13

I earned more by a decent margin.

my job offered reduced hours and his did not so I returned part-time. I am happy to say that my company is actually more male and then female and my coworkers, both male and female, overwhelmingly choose to work part-time when they have young children

even working reduced hours I have been promoted and received hefty raises. My husband now out earns me, not because I was mommy-tracked, but because that was always going to happen. I chose the non-profit quasi-academic track well before we married and had a child. That choice severely limited my earning capacity. I would have to work a corporate job to keep up with him.

shelbaba · 15/03/2023 21:13

I earned more than double what he did. I went back part time as I wanted to have time with my kids and cld afford to.

CreeperBoom · 15/03/2023 21:15

We earned about the same. I dropped to 4 days per week after maternity leave, and after 5 years was back to earning basically the same.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 15/03/2023 21:16

Yep. We shared childcare with DS1 by me working earlier hours and him working later and using childcare to bridge the gap. He was a SAHD with DS2 for a year or so after my mat leave.

10storeylovesong · 15/03/2023 21:17

I earned double what dh earned when fell pregnant. Was promoted when pregnant with ds1 and again when on mat leave with ds 2 (4.5 year age gap). We both continued full time. Youngest is now 6 and I still earn £20k more than him but he's just finished a degree and has another job lined up which will start to close that gap, although I've got my eye on my next promotion too...

Thelnebriati · 15/03/2023 21:17

I earned the same before, and now my earnings will never match his.