To feel awkward about our financial situation?

I could have written that OP - just enjoy it and be wise with your investments etc. I think it’s key that you’re aware you’re fortunate and seem to realise that things can still get precarious.

I get it. I don't like being, or being seen as being 'flash'. I bought myself a fancy car once and then sold it 2 weeks later because I didn't like the attention and assumptions that came with it. I think all you can do is spend the money ina way that makes you happy and not give a damn what anyone else things. You will probably get used to it over time and your real friends will be happy for you.

My fiance feels the same as you OP and it makes me sad. I out-earn him by about 300% but I consider every penny of our income as shared. He says he feels so bad spending money he doesn't feel is his but I can't stress how much I want him to feel comfortable buying things that make him happy. Hopefully once we're married he will relax a bit.
Enjoy your situation - there are so many men we read about on MN who begrudge their wives spending money that "they haven't earned!" 😡

Enjoy it... You shouldn't feel guilty for your fortunes but I totally understand how you are feeling. I earn much less than my husband although I work full time. He is fortunate enough to be a daily rate contactor and makes good money and we are well off but I feel it's not my money and I don't have access to it.

Christ I'm happy for anyone who is lucky enough to be comfortable and well off but why is mumsnet so saturated with these faux-humble brag posts all the time

You say you don’t have expectations but you do. You’ve imagined these scenarios and been disappointed that they haven’t played out.

Your sister isn’t a bank.

You don’t have to spend the money or change your lifestyle if you don’t want to - you could simply put the money into savings etc. it is entirely your decision as to how, if and when you wish to use this wealth.

I understand where you're coming from OP. I could never see my DH's money as mine. I earn far more than him and am fiercely independent.
I was screwed over by a former husband - luckily I had my own job but nowhere near his level at that time and didn't get a penny nor did I want it.
Can't respect women who live off their husband's earnings and don't have their own careers. I know that will be an unpopular opinion but it is my personal one.

I think that the way you feel shows to others and isn’t helping. I find that people who appear cagey or furtive or apologetic about their apparent wealth are the ones who get the most attention drawn to it by those around them: It makes it quite transparent that you feel judge-worthy, and some people will take advantage of that.

DH and I just openly make it clear that yes, having lots of money is great and we’re very happy and lucky and we bloody well enjoy spending it, mostly on extravagant shit. Never get comments or attention over it. I mean, what could anyone say to “joke” or be snide?

I think it is difficult despite what people say about it not mattering. Same thing can happen with inheritances.

A nice car and a spa break leads people to make you feel awkward? We have a nice car, I dont use it I leave my husband to it. I use a second car. People know we have the nice car. We are out of the country about 5 times a year. Have lots of nice things. The only person who has ever passed comment is a distant family member who thinks that everyone's finances are their business. Absolutely no one else ever has. I have friends, family and colleagues who are likely both ends of the financial spectrum, and no one has ever mentioned our situation or made me feel awkward. We do not discuss our finances, we don't post anything on social media.

Are you a social media poster? I have an ex colleague who posts pics of her house/cars/holidays CONSTANTLY. She is clearly financially well off, but do we fuck all need to know that.

It feels awkward but the best thing to do is sort of laugh it off unless they are outright rude about it.

I earn probably 50-100% more than my sisters and own a house with quite a lot of equity (whereas they rent). They make jibes about me being moneybags or having a lot of doors but it's just all a bit of banter really. There has been a couple of comments where it crossed a line a bit and we talked about it, but other than that it's fine.

It's really just a fact of life- there will always be people earning more than you. As long as you don't adopt a holier than thou attitude about it then it's fine.

I could have written the OP. My husband earned less than me when we met, and now earns 4 times what I do (though I don't do badly- £40k for a 4 day mainly wfh professional role). I don't see my husbands earnings as automatically being something I can access- though he insists I can, especially if it is for our child. I try to pay my way.

My colleagues or local friends don't have a clue- we live in a normal semi in London z3 suburbs, go on pretty normal holidays etc. Our lifestyle isn't flashy, as we are happy with what we have. We just don't have to think about spending as much as many, and have a great cushion of savings and pension savings.

Money doesn't have to change things in any ways you don't want it to.

Out of curiosity, you label it bragging when someone asks how to cope with their wealth. What would you label it if someone was asking how to cope with their lack of wealth?

I'm not someone who posts about finances etc, just curious. I see people slated if they have money, and also slated if they don't (posts like well get a better job etc). Sometimes people can't win.

The only people who have a problem would be jealous and bitter ones

enjoy

no advice or help but I can totally relate to not seeing it as your money and as though u are spending someone else’s money

Just enjoy it!

I completely understand what you mean and why you feel a bit off but as long as you are not burning £50 notes then you shouldn’t feel ashamed.

You could do something for charity either with your time or money to make yourself feel better.

You could also encourage your DH to buy a property just in his name that he rents out and therefore has equity that isn’t yours and so you won’t feel as guilty only working PT.

If possible he could even reduce his hours and so you’ll still be well off but you’ll also have much more quality time as a family.

I would try not to tell people too much about what you do or how you spend your money because they will only be jealous and find something to make you feel guilty about.
Don’t be ashamed for spending money just because other people are jealous.

I do get what you’re saying OP. My family are very working class and myself and my husband have done well and are more wealthy than them. Not mega wealthy but comfortable. It does at times cause conflict, the kind of, ‘it’s ok for you, you wouldn’t understand’ stuff. we’ve worked really hard for this. It’s mainly my husbands earnings now (I’m part time in low paying sector). But it’s both our money, as if we hadn’t worked together it wouldn’t have been possible.

Id say, set yourself up financially by paying off your mortgage or buying a buy-to-let property and have nice holidays.

Don’t give up your job. I’m saying that from a position of someone who keeps flirting with giving up my job because really what’s the point of the logistical challenges associated with it but I think it’s something that’s keeping me in the real world as well.
Other than that you have to do some good with what you have - I contribute to the food bank monthly and some other charities dealing with structural inequalities and put something away for my nephew who may not have the same opportunities in life as my sons.
And you really have to be unapologetic about it. You’re not an arms dealer or a vivisectionist. This world is made up of all sorts of people and you’re one of them and as deserving of respect as anyone else.
Besides, enjoy it while you can. The next Government may make it a bit less comfortable for you!

This is going to be a very difficult thread for many people to read at the moment, OP. Somewhat tone-deaf in current times. Keep your household finances under your hat at work, as others have said you could be discreet about weekends away and other big ticket or luxury items. It’s not about shame or embarrassment but discretion.

We all have different worries, some are actual situations where it could be the difference between being able to afford food or not. Yours is not a worry at all 🙄

As long as you don't get smug or judge people on how much money they have. My GC go to a dance class and there's a lot of women living off their DP's income, who exclude and look down on others. Their DD's have awful attitudes for primary age children.

Out of curiosity, you label it bragging when someone asks how to cope with their wealth. What would you label it if someone was asking how to cope with their lack of wealth?

This is a completely different situation though.

Asking for advice on how to cope with having no money and how you’re going to be able to get food for your children is massively different than asking for advice because you’ve got lots of money and don’t know which holiday to book etc.

You don’t have to spend your money.
You could live off the basics and keep it in a bank account for years if you really want to.

Apart from other peoples judgement there are no downsides to having lots of money.

But there are of course thousands of reasons why not having enough money comes with massive issues.

So you put you career on hold to look after yours and your husband's child, so your husband could flourish in his career?

I'm assuming getting to where he is, has meant long working hours, work trips etc., whilst you made sure everything kept ticking over in your joint home?

Of course you deserve to enjoy your husband's wealth.

Sounds like you have both worked hard and you deserve what you have.

I bet you are proud of your husband. I would be.

Just enjoy it! Some people are jealous, but if they're your friends, they will be happy for you. I would be for my friend.