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To feel awkward about our financial situation?

310 replies

Choppypog · 15/03/2023 16:15

Over the last few years my DH has been doing insanely well in his job, to the point he is going to be getting a very large sum of money soon which will make us very wealthy.
I work in the public sector on a fairly low wage all things relative, but I am a professional and got to where I am through 4 years of uni and hard graft.
I went part time after having our daughter however so my income is really very tiny in comparison.

Urgh, I'm probably going to get flamed for this, because it certainly isn't a bad problem to have considering the hardship many are putting up with out there...

But honestly, I feel so awkward about it all.
I didn't grow up in a wealthy environment, and all of a sudden we are in a position where we can buy whatever we want, go on whatever holidays we want, we can invest in a much bigger/nicer property.

I think there's a couple of reasons. Firstly I'm starting to worry about what friends/colleagues think. I often get jokey remarks about how amazing my life is, our 'fancy' cars, things like that. I feel awkward talking about it when people comment.

The second is I guess is I feel awkward about it not really being my wealth. It's my husband's. I almost feel like it's not really mine. Especially now I only work two days a week. Yea I could buy myself a nicer car, but my DH has paid for it. He argues what's his is mine, which on paper it is, but mentally it doesn't feel that way.

I guess I know I'm BU but I just need advice regarding how to adjust to all this and whether I need a good slap round the head and told to just enjoy it!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Ali85 · 17/03/2023 14:55

Bellaboo01 · 17/03/2023 14:48

It's because the OP said that the car costs more than some people's houses - so i suppose some of us were thinking she is rocking up to her work in a 700k car which probably would be really interesting for some people in the office but, then she said the car cost 80k (what house costs 80k)?

TBF I don't think it was the OP who said that, it was Lilypad26 . It's not really clear what the OP means by her DH doing 'insanely' well or becoming 'very wealthy', that probably means very different things to different people. It doesn't look as if she'll be coming back though.


Kit7 · 18/03/2023 18:16

Reasonable to worry but don’t let it cloud your enjoyment. There’s people earning a hell of a lot more than you (collectively) are. Enjoy your life and be grewtful for the good times.


Blondewithredlips · 18/03/2023 18:27

mia778 · 16/03/2023 20:50

Just sounds totally brag to me. Enjoy your lifestyle , why are you stressing over being more fortunate than most people just carry on you don’t need to discuss your finances with anyone really do you?

Agree. Love a stealth boast.


calmdowndear2023 · 18/03/2023 20:36

And they say nurses have it tough...


cloejnana · 19/03/2023 12:17

Used to be in a similar situation, it felt really awkward and I was scared to even enjoy my money. Then lost it all due to covid - Now unable to pay my bills, I hate myself for not being more grateful for what I had, when I had money.

Just relax, don't let others judge you and enjoy the moment !


Nocutenamesleft · 19/03/2023 13:27

A Volvo is an £80,000 car and doesn’t shout wealth!!!!! The big one anyway.


Climbles · 20/03/2023 08:07

Cheeseandhoney · 16/03/2023 09:49

Agree, this he is only where he is due to me is literally insane. Childcare and housework can be outsourced. Man or woman who progess in their career is not because they have a spouse doing the child care and chores. No more than the school is to be credited due having them during the day or the nanny or cleaner.

But it’s not just cleaning and child care is it? It’s sorting mothers day cards, booking holidays, organising the kids after school clubs, planning dinner parties, decorating the house, taking the dog to the groomers and sorting the million things a household needs. You can’t outsource it all. Yes it’s possible to be successful without it, but it’s much easier and more pleasant with it. The women claiming the have become successful without being facilitated have either sacrificed a huge amount or would have been even more successful if they’d had a facilitator.


Climbles · 20/03/2023 08:09

Blondewithredlips · 18/03/2023 18:27

Agree. Love a stealth boast.

It’s an anonymous forum. Why would anyone come on just to brag?


Chevybaby · 20/03/2023 15:38

GoodChat · 15/03/2023 16:54

Sorry but this is a pretty entitled attitude

I don't see how it's entitled to be disappointed that someone isn't generous. If this sister were extremely "time rich" but refused to give her elderly parents a lift to doctors appointments or help them set up their broadband everyone would be like "What's her problem?" but swap out time for cash and everyone loves to start throwing around the word "entitled" to make themselves feel better about their own individualistic attitudes.

Everyone is entitled to be as selfish as they wish but let's not pretend hoarding cash is the behaviour of a generous person. You can on principle refuse to help people around you with your bountiful fortune and so many terrific personal attributes will still be available to you (funny, smart, great in bed etc etc etc) but you can't be considered generous. Sorry.

Obviously don't know the ins and outs of the sister's life, appearances can be very deceiving and Mumsnet posts can be overly simplistic! But fundamentally the idea that you could have enough cash to buy a million pound holiday house you'll only live in for 3 weeks a year while your elderly parents* are struggling to get up and down the stairs but can't afford a stairlift is gross and if you disagree then you and I are on different planets.

*assuming your parents cared for you well in your childhood


Grrrrdarling · 22/03/2023 19:20

Choppypog · 15/03/2023 20:01

It is awkward. It's one of the reasons I didn't reply to many people on the first couple of pages as I was just sat there gobsmacked at how different people feel about it.

What you are feeling is totally normal, especially if you grew up with very little, & it actually has a name. It is called Imposter syndrome.
You say you feel like you haven’t done anything to deserve the nice life & money you have now & that life & money is about to hugely increase making you feel very anxious & nervous about that situation.
If you add up all the childcare, house work, sacrifices that you have made to help your partner achieve the level he has than you really are very much entitled to a percentage of that wealth.

For me even if I won money in the Lottery I would feel like I didn’t deserve it.
I’d also wonder what others thought about me because I suddenly had nice things meaning they would possibly wonder if I had lots of money.
At the end of the day people will chat whether they know your situation or not as It is just human nature to speculate.
Those that know you & that matter in your life won’t bat an eyelid & those that don’t know you & gossip don’t matter.

Do you, enjoy your partnerships good fortune & live your life ❤

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