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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do some children never like school?

197 replies

Albertohello · 14/03/2023 08:29

Ds(8) used to like nursery, but hasn’t liked school since then. I have been seriously considering moving him because of this. But today he said “I think I’m just never going to like school wherever I go. I’m always going to hate school.”

I found this really sad! He’s quite introverted and shy, I think that’s part of it. But he does really well in subjects, and has a friend or two there.

Aibu? That primary kids could all love school if they went to the right place for them?

OP posts:
whyhere · 14/03/2023 08:37

Not an expert on this, but never liked school myself - for me it was an undiagnosed ASD thing. Very happy adult though, and 'successful' (apparently 🙄😄), so try not to worry too much.

KatherineJaneway · 14/03/2023 08:39

I hated school. One of he bets days of my life was the day I left and never had to go back.

lazycats · 14/03/2023 08:41

Possibly he won’t, no. But secondary is very different. Friends cone and go, your personality evolves.

Notimeforaname · 14/03/2023 08:41

Work with children. Yes some kids just hate it with a passion and it's a battle to get them to stay. I work with such children.

Notimeforaname · 14/03/2023 08:42

Dont know how the first line evened up in that message !

Notimeforaname · 14/03/2023 08:42

Ended up* christ

Madmax1992 · 14/03/2023 08:44

I hated school, all of it. Primary and secondary. I have a happy family life and a decent job now. My youngest also doesn't like school and isn't academic but is fab with his hands and is very creative. I think when the time comes he will head down the apprenticeship route. Maybe talk to him about the things he does enjoy at school and work from there? Get him in a positive mindset xx

Littlewhitecat · 14/03/2023 08:44

I hated school - I'm NT, out going, have lots of friends and a happy and successful adult. I wasn't bullied and I'm academic so work wasn't difficult. I just absolutely loathe having to do anything I think is pointless. I think it's genetic as my DD is the same 🤣. I've just reassured my DD that lots of people feel like this and tried to make sure she had lots of non- school stuff to do. I loved university and I enjoy work most of the time.

Original poster
Albertohello · 14/03/2023 08:47

Littlewhitecat · 14/03/2023 08:44

I hated school - I'm NT, out going, have lots of friends and a happy and successful adult. I wasn't bullied and I'm academic so work wasn't difficult. I just absolutely loathe having to do anything I think is pointless. I think it's genetic as my DD is the same 🤣. I've just reassured my DD that lots of people feel like this and tried to make sure she had lots of non- school stuff to do. I loved university and I enjoy work most of the time.

I think you may have hit on it! He does really well at school, but when I ask why he doesn’t like it he talks about the “pointless” things they do.

It feels like such a shame to not like something you’re stuck with for most of your childhood!

OP posts:
Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 14/03/2023 08:48

Hated school from primary to secondary. It bored me to tears. I hated being told what to do and petty rules, the lack of autonomy, the lack of respect given to me.

I was always someone who performed better with self directed learning and still do. I'm academically 'bright' judging from qualifications. But school was dull.

Somebodyelsestrain · 14/03/2023 09:06

Hated school, until I got to 6th form college where I had an absolutely brilliant time, was very happy, had loads of friends and as a result didn't do particularly well in my A Levels.

Although I then got a first class degree, postgraduate and professional qualifications and am reasonably "successful".

I'm afraid I secretly think people who enjoy school are a bit weird. The reason I enjoyed 6th form was because it wasn't like school.

Honoraryuce · 14/03/2023 09:08

Hated it. Not bullied and was a nice enough school. Once I got to 15 I started either bunking off or hiding in library whenever possible as I just felt completely overwhelmed in that environment. I also used to fake illness a lot so I didn't have to go.

Somebodyelsestrain · 14/03/2023 09:09

Honoraryuce · 14/03/2023 09:08

Hated it. Not bullied and was a nice enough school. Once I got to 15 I started either bunking off or hiding in library whenever possible as I just felt completely overwhelmed in that environment. I also used to fake illness a lot so I didn't have to go.

Yup, me too.

MiniCooperLover · 14/03/2023 09:09

I hope it picks up for your DS, he seems to have a good self awareness. DS is now 11, he's got glasses and red hair and is being picked on a lot by the usual idiots at secondary who love making smaller kids lives miserable. We speak to school, they talk about doing something, nothing seems to happen. He's doing OK in the various classes but nothing has really grabbed his attention and I know he finds the high levels and busy days a bit of a struggle. We try to reassure him, keep home life happy, but I've seen how 'down' he is since September and it makes me so so sad. He's also now getting to that age where he just struggles to believe us when we try to reassure him. It's so hard for them now. He's not "not academic" but he'll also struggle with trades due to being colour blind. I hate how quickly time has gone by for me and him, but I wish sometimes I could just whizz him through these tough years.

SocksAndTheCity · 14/03/2023 09:12

Hated every minute, and left as soon as I was legally allowed to. Never did homework and skived whenever I could when I was there, and changing schools would have made no odds whatsoever.

GandhiDeclaredWarOnYou · 14/03/2023 09:13

School just doesn’t work for some kids.

ApplesinmyPocket · 14/03/2023 10:01

I hated school, although I did well academically. It just seemed like a battleground every day. The tiredness and boredom that used to sweep over me facing an afternoon of lessons.... and I was never one of the 'popular' set which always has you feeling like an outcast. 'Get into twos...' or teams, and you're not chosen. Repeat daily!

My DDs would have been happier overall never going to school, but they did have 5 happy years (from say 5 to 10 years old) at a small private school which really was a fun, happy place. Then it was off to secondary (one to a grammar, one an independent) and it was pretty much all anxiety/resignation/boredom with occasional spurts of actual misery.

Lots of MNers say their children love school but I doubt it's the norm. I don't know what the answer is, because clearly not all of us would do a great job homeschooling (!) or even be able to, but I think most schools are not a very happy place for children to spend so many hours in, unless you are a very sociable, popular, confident child and you have a cohort who backs you up. And all of that can change from month to month.

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/03/2023 10:03

Hated it. Loved College.

Littlefaeries · 14/03/2023 10:06

I hated school and didn’t go to university, which I regret, because I just wanted to get away from education.
When I went to parents evening for dc I used to feel sick entering the building.
My dc we’re fine with school fortunately and dd wanted to be a teacher. I put her off and now she works in education in a museum and is very grateful to me. She wasn’t for a while though.

anon37484291918 · 14/03/2023 10:09

KatherineJaneway · 14/03/2023 08:39

I hated school. One of he bets days of my life was the day I left and never had to go back.

Same

Timesawastin · 14/03/2023 10:13

DH describes his (private, would have been expensive if not for a full scholarship) school as "a necessary evil".

Tidsleytiddy · 14/03/2023 10:13

Honoraryuce · 14/03/2023 09:08

Hated it. Not bullied and was a nice enough school. Once I got to 15 I started either bunking off or hiding in library whenever possible as I just felt completely overwhelmed in that environment. I also used to fake illness a lot so I didn't have to go.

Same. And I hated work too. Too many people talking rubbish. Too many different personalities to navigate. I came across as pleasant and amiable but really I hated every minute. I enjoy my own company and peace and quiet.

Mischance · 14/03/2023 10:14

I hated school too. I sincerely think it is such and unnatural artificial environment for children and does not play to their strengths (imagination, flexibility, thirst for real knowledge) but rather systematically quashes their relish for life and their natural bent.

It is a form of child abuse, especially for those children who simply cannot fit in. Their lives are hell, and parents and teachers strive to find some label to explain why they do not like it. They do not need a label - they need to be free of this straitjacket. It is judged s being something wrong with them; when in reality it is something wrong with a system that forces children (with all their wonderful diversity) down an ever-narrowing tunnel that is dominated by government micromanaging and testing.

Poor kid.

Tidsleytiddy · 14/03/2023 10:17

Yep. At age 4 I used to hang onto the railings and had to be dragged in every day. I know what I like and what I don’t and I knew I didn’t want to be in that environment with those kids

Neededanewuserhandle · 14/03/2023 10:18

Hated school, even hated University. It hasn't harmed me or my career.

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