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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do some children never like school?

197 replies

Albertohello · 14/03/2023 08:29

Ds(8) used to like nursery, but hasn’t liked school since then. I have been seriously considering moving him because of this. But today he said “I think I’m just never going to like school wherever I go. I’m always going to hate school.”

I found this really sad! He’s quite introverted and shy, I think that’s part of it. But he does really well in subjects, and has a friend or two there.

Aibu? That primary kids could all love school if they went to the right place for them?

OP posts:
Tidsleytiddy · 14/03/2023 10:19

My heart breaks when I see little ones going off to school for the first time unaware there are years and years of this ahead of them

Neededanewuserhandle · 14/03/2023 10:19

systematically quashes their relish for life and their natural bent.

Brilliant and so true

Tidsleytiddy · 14/03/2023 10:21

Neededanewuserhandle · 14/03/2023 10:19

systematically quashes their relish for life and their natural bent.

Brilliant and so true

Yep

MyMumsOnMN · 14/03/2023 10:22

I hated school, especially secondary. Everything just seemed so shit. Everyone always used to say to me "you'll wish you could go back" when I said I couldn't wait to leave. 10+ years later, I don't miss it one bit.

Tidsleytiddy · 14/03/2023 10:24

“The happiest days of your life”. Really? Don’t think so

Mischance · 14/03/2023 10:30

Neededanewuserhandle · 14/03/2023 10:18

Hated school, even hated University. It hasn't harmed me or my career.

But what a dreadful waste of your childhood - you will never get that precious time back.

SpinningFloppa · 14/03/2023 10:31

I hated school and never liked it at all, my mum said I will miss it when I’m older as it’s “the best years of your life.” Well guess what I’ve never missed school. I hated it. My son is 8 and also hates school. Not sure why all children would like it it’s not actually that pleasant when you think about it, you are forced to go whether you want to or not (I know there’s home Ed but not everyone is in a position to do that)

ÉireannachÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉ · 14/03/2023 10:33

My second boy hated nursery, hated school. I moved him January just gone. He is a changed child. Smaller class size, school has a totally different ethos to previous one. I literally mean this, but understand it sounds dramatic, but it's changed His life. Our whole family life even. I regret not moving him sooner. His academic abilities has improved substantially in such a short time frame and it's because he is able to learn now he is an environment that is right for him and he is happy to go to.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 14/03/2023 10:36

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/03/2023 10:03

Hated it. Loved College.

Oh yes. Very clever ( so they said) but bored and fed up most of the times at school.

Loved college, the first time in my life other people wanted to talk about academic subjects, and where you were respected for being interested and accomplished, not mocked or envied.

Sorry, I don’t have a solution, OP, although I suspect that with the decline in discipline and streaming it is much, much worse now.

Roomba · 14/03/2023 10:39

My son sounds similar to yours, OP. Quiet, introverted and academically able. He was so excited to start school, but as soon as he realised it was just boring old Maths, English and the odd bit of other stuff for the next six years at least, he wasn't as keen! I think he is mostly bored, so I am hoping he will enjoy secondary school in September a lot more. I feel like school squashes his love of learning and reading, it's a shame.

My eldest is in sixth form now and hated school when he was younger. The rigid rules, the being made to study subjects and languages he didn't have the slightest interest in, the other kids... He loves school now that he is studying only his favourite subjects and he is treated as an (almost) adult by teachers.

I always liked school most of the time, but that's because I hated being at home.

TokyoSushi · 14/03/2023 10:42

I never liked it. Not hated, but low level disliked the vast majority of the time. Absolutely fine now, nice family, good job, for some kids it's just something they have to get through. Fortunately mine seem to like it, I'm often surprised!

motherofqilins · 14/03/2023 10:48

Hated school all the way from nursery to when I finished. The only time I did not hate it was when I was at this very small private nursery for the first from 2-5 years old. We moved and was put into a much bigger one and I think being shy and introverted that is something I struggled to adapt to.

SherbetDips · 14/03/2023 10:49

I think so, I hated school, was shy so made no to very few friends. dyslexic so found school work very hard etc.

Untitledsquatboulder · 14/03/2023 10:52

Tidsleytiddy · 14/03/2023 10:13

Same. And I hated work too. Too many people talking rubbish. Too many different personalities to navigate. I came across as pleasant and amiable but really I hated every minute. I enjoy my own company and peace and quiet.

Show quote history

Perhaps, but as work is not optional for most people, so some sort of education is pretty important.

My youngest has autism. He doesn't love school and I doubt he will love a lot of aspects of having to work for a living (all those demands). But yeah, that's life. Hopefully he can carbe out enough fun stuff to balance it out.

MigratorySheep · 14/03/2023 10:53

DS hates school and is counting down the days until he can leave and get a job (13) although trying to persuade him if he does something at school he'll have a better chance of getting the job he wants is proving impossible. The only reasons we haven't moved him are: we genuinely think he hates "school" as opposed to hating this school, DD loves the school, we live in a lovely area with excellent transport links and activities.

CrunchyCarrot · 14/03/2023 10:54

I loathed school. I was too sensitive and immature for my age and got bullied. When I went to University it was a revelation and I never looked back, thoroughly enjoyed it. I think probably because it was a more relaxed environment and being able to mix with a wider variety of people than in one school class (and I was at an all girls' school so meeting boys was cool!).

Catspyjamas17 · 14/03/2023 10:57

I think it has got much worse. Secondary schools are seriously unpleasant places to be particularly in the last few years, run more like a prison and even loads of primary schools are massive and overcrowded.

PreparationPreparationPrep · 14/03/2023 11:17

Yes that can be true and for several reasons already mentioned but Some of the kids having real difficulties at home really enjoy school. I guess in comparison to being in a chaotic home teachers and most other children seem pleasant to be around.

Nursery school has a really important role to play as they give a good grounding in preparing children and parents for starting school. Some of the routines and expectations can change over a couple of years, so how you as a parent prepare for Dc1 could be completely different for dc3.

I think it's really difficult long term if a child doesn't enjoy early years to be honest as that is the foundation for learning, primary years are fun and secondary is focused.
It is possible but harder to enjoy school without enjoying the social side because so much of it is collaborative learning with other children

bridgetreilly · 14/03/2023 11:19

A lot of life is doing things you don’t actually enjoy. Why should school be any different?!

Auliza · 14/03/2023 11:25

Never liked school. Had lots of friends but I hated every minute of being there. I always used to say “I can’t wait until I’m an adult” and everyone used to tell me how wrong I would be but being an adult is far better than being a teen, I wouldn’t re-live them years for all the money in the world.

Primary school, I remember being happy up until about age 9 but even then I hated school.

My son is the same now, he’s a lovely happy boy but is a completely different kid in the weekday mornings to the evenings and weekends.

cheatingcrackers · 14/03/2023 11:26

Not sure why all children would like it it’s not actually that pleasant when you think about it

I loved school - one of my school age DCs absolutely loves it too - the other claims he doesn't but is always very happy to go and happy coming out and speaks about it positively, so...

Why did I like it and why do (I think) they like it? Being surrounded by friends all day, enjoyable lessons, time to play, experiences that they wouldn't get at home e.g. amazing music provision... I never found any of it pointless or a waste of time because I love learning. I loved Uni as well, both times I went.

A big caveat here, though - we were in a very lucky position that we could send both DC to the school that was right for them. So they're not at the same school (which is bloody annoying). I think one school would probably work for both, the other maybe wouldn't be great for the one who doesn't go there, if that makes sense. My parents also chose the primary that was perfect for me and I chose my own secondary.

OP in answer to your question - I would like to think that there is a(n almost) perfect school for most kids. But whether there's a perfect school for your son and whether that perfect school exists near you is hard to say. If you do want to move him though I'd get him heavily involved in the decision, looking around schools etc and keep it positive - because if he goes in thinking he will hate it then he probably will.

Newlifenewme · 14/03/2023 12:18

I hated school and could never understand why. People asked why I didn’t like school, why I always tried to get out of school, why I always sat by myself and wouldn’t mix.I was a bright kid who did well in main subjects. I liked English and science.

Looking back, moving school, changing teachers or even the kids wouldn’t have helped. I just didn’t like school. I hated being trapped in a classroom doing work, I hated being trapped in the playground playing games.

I went back to be a teacher and I loved it, but I knew I could walk out that door anytime I liked and I didn’t have to go back. Ok I have a mortgage to pay so I need the cash but nobody’s gonna physically drag me back. Maybe that was it. I couldn’t leave as someone always brought me back, I was trapped in that classroom or playground.

not saying it’s the same for others but it took me till I was in my 30s to figure this out. No not everybody does like school.

Mischance · 14/03/2023 12:34

bridgetreilly · 14/03/2023 11:19

A lot of life is doing things you don’t actually enjoy. Why should school be any different?!

Because they are CHILDREN - they get one crack at childhood - it is too precious to waste.

Beginningless · 14/03/2023 12:38

I am worried that this will be my youngest who starts in the summer. Have looked for some alternative kind of schooling and finding nothing. Can any of you adults who hated school suggest how to beat support kids like this through it?

Howtohelp1234 · 14/03/2023 12:47

My DS is like this, he only started reception in sept and every morning has turned into a battle. He loved pre school but finds the work boring and would much rather be at home or out and about with me. I really hope something changes, it’s a lovely little school so I don’t know how I could improve it. It’s heart breaking seeing such a happy little soul sad every morning.

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