Do some children never like school?

[Albertohello]

Ds(8) used to like nursery, but hasn’t liked school since then. I have been seriously considering moving him because of this. But today he said “I think I’m just never going to like school wherever I go. I’m always going to hate school.”

I found this really sad! He’s quite introverted and shy, I think that’s part of it. But he does really well in subjects, and has a friend or two there.

Aibu? That primary kids could all love school if they went to the right place for them?

Hated school, I was good academically but just found it really boring and got anxious and only enjoyed it when it came to sixth form and we spent all nearly our time escaping. I didn't want to go to uni and gave in to my DDads pleading and bribery and hated it too and spent all my time working a 60 hour week in a job I'd have preferred anyway. I never ever got any use out of that degree.
My eldest Dd hated school and was made worse with severe dyslexia and ADD when the first lockdown hit I discovered exactly how badly it really was failing her, how much she was hiding how behind she was and how much they hadn't picked up. I could see Dd 2 was going to be dyslexic also (she was only starting school). We now Home Ed catering to their strengths and the change in Dd1 is amazing she has confidence in herself and knows she isn't "stupid and rubbish" and she can really do things, maybe just in a different way which doesn't work when teaching a class of 30.

I was indifferent to Primary School, but HATED every second of secondary school. Wasn't bullied, had friends, did fine academically but it just felt like groundhog day. I don't thrive on that much structure and the expectation of unquestioning obedience.

I was also amazing at some subjects and rubbish at others, and my school really didn't know how to handle someone who wasn't an all-rounder, which didn't help.

I've got two degree now - Oxbridge and a Red Brick university and I'm considering a third. I love learning, just hate school.

I absolutely loved school, and so does my eldest (Year 2). However, my husband really didn't enjoy his school years and left as soon as he could, and I think my youngest will probably be similar! Unfortunately our fairly rigid school system can't possibly suit everyone, and there are going to be lots of kids that it just doesn't suit. I wish it was more vocational from a young age, i.e. more opportunities to learn life skills beyond just your bog standard maths and English. It might suit more children that way, I know my husband would have benefitted from a less formal way of teaching. I loved it because I thrived on the structure and routine of it, and have always liked knowing exactly where I need to be and when!

I loved school and am a teacher now. Surely towards the end of the summer kids are getting angsty and ready to go back? They lose so much over the summer in many families. I get bored beyond belief after a month and want to go back to work! I did not feel like that when I worked in hr! School teaching a levels is great as I get to chat to teenagers all day and they are fabulous. It helps I love my subjects sociology and psychology too but love pshe and re as well. Any subject can be fun, it's about being engaging and meeting all the different kids needs. I am at a grammar now which I much much prefer as I relate to the kids much more than in not great comps. Although kids are always great no matter how bad the school, behaviour management concerns might make it a scary place for some.

Hated school, it was mostly full of knobheads. Mind you now I’m old I still think most people are knobheads.

Dd2 15 has hated high school since year 7.

covid, trauma and grief (losing her dad) at the end of year 9 has not helped either.

her attendance is shocking, she’s in year 11 and is really struggling, I for one can’t wait until she goes to college, she hates the whole school experience

For me I decided that if at all possible I would never force my kids to go to school so we started with home education and if they decide that they want to go to school they can try it. It works well for us although it does mean I have to socialise more than I'm necessarily comfortable with but my kids are v sociable and like going to a lot of groups so I force myself for their sakes. I can see how much my oldest particularly would struggle with being still and quiet for learning or having to sit at a desk for hours, I still can't manage it as an adult!

This is me and Dd. Dd hates school so much for no obvious reason. She has friends and is bright. She'd rather be at home and thinks school is pointless.
I just hated it because I hated being told what to do.

Echo many other posters on here. I hated school as I hated the rules and been told what I had to read/ learn/ study! A lot felt very pointless!
It got marginally better when I did my A'levels and I enjoyed uni.

My DD is the same as me but she actually likes school. I try to counter balance it with giving her more autonomy at home. I have also never ever told my children how much I hated school as I really didn't t want to influence their experience of it.

Both mine despite being very academic. Boring, repetitive and a lot of it felt pointless ‘when will I ever need to use …’ was a frequent refrain. One felt from a very young age it was an affront to his ‘human rights’ and really resented being told what to do and how to do it. Even in art it was directed and he couldn’t be creative. However in A levels he was every teacher’s favourite pupil as his creativity, humour and ability to engage in lively debate and challenge other viewpoints were then seen as positives.

I hated school too - all of it. Was devastated when people trotted out the old "School days are the happiest days of your life" twaddle. But I am now a happy adult, who has studied, and consistently held down reasonable jobs. I am much more content as an adult than I was as a child - which I think is a great thing, because the adult years go on for a lot longer!

I absolutely hated school loathed every day of it 🙄 but I'm a happy and contented adult so I wouldn't worry to much x

I hated school, every minute of it. Had friends, wasn't bullied, did well academically, just hated it.

My DC are home educated.

Well my son in year 10 has no issues going and does the work but can't say he likes it, doesn't seem to hate it I guess just knows he needs to go till he finishes really

Ds has never liked school. He puts up with it now, but would always choose to stay at home.
Tbf he doesn't enjoy being away from home even on holidays.

He's year 11 now.

DS hated primary school after about Y2 or Y3 - we were very worried about it and didn't know what to do. He actually enjoyed secondary school - he is Y11 now and happy. As other people have said perhaps your DS isn't feeling challenged or doesn't see the point.

He may come round later

TBH, yes. More than most people dare to admit. Think about it. All adults were children once. Can you imagine all those adults being expected to like the same working environment or job? Of course not. People choose vastly different jobs/ work patterns as soon as they get a chance. Why do we expect children to all like the same way of learning?

And thats before we even consider the shit that goes down in schools on a personal/ social/ level. Eg bullying, favouritism, friendship issues, behaviour issues, poor teaching, disruption, performance pressure, boring curriculum, too much competition, over scheduling, lack of creativity and exercise/ fresh air/ exposure to nature etc...

Its probably ok for academic achievers who happen to shine in the narrow curriculum on offer but even they come out stressed, unhealthy and crippled by peer pressure/ obsessed with 'fitting in'.

I did not like school
and now I do not like going to work
I would love to just be free to do the things I love to be honest!

'I was indifferent to Primary School, but HATED every second of secondary school. Wasn't bullied, had friends, did fine academically but it just felt like groundhog day. I don't thrive on that much structure and the expectation of unquestioning obedience.'
This is my experience too ,i loathe petty pointless rules , i found secondary school colourless ,boring and oppressive for the most of it .
My daughter is the same but isn't aware of my feelings as i haven't wanted to influence her , not much longer until she is free .
I remember feeling so impatient to get out of the place for my life to finally begin.
So yes i think there are many children that are never going to like school regardless , it's very sad to think of how miserable some must feel .

I really sympathise OP. DS was the other way round, hated nursery, not super keen on infants but completely flourished in juniors. I think it was the kids and the atmosphere. I really think it depends on the friends they keep and I do think there is place for ever child, a right fit school. I would move him, he’s lost faith that there is a good fit but I bet there is. Have you tried a small school?

My two were fine in nursery and Yr 1 and after that started expressing their dislike for school. NT child is in Primary and hates it. ASD child is Secondary and has anxiety, as well as on and off EBSA (school avoidance). Lockdown hit and since then it's escalated. Sundays at our house are full of anxiety with both dreading school, it's exhausting!

It's strange but when I told MIL about DC disliking school she said she was the same back in the 60s and missed an entire 2 years of senior school. DH was frequently truant. He never told me, she did! So definitely a genetic factor.

I despised school with a passion. It was hell for me. Absolute relentless hell.
My kids started at secondary and seeing those teachers in their power suits, the authoritarianism, the rules, the uniforms. I would sweat going near the schools. I'd be massively triggered by the teachers.

Schools now are getting worse and worse. measuring skirt lengths, not being allowed to use the toilet, as a girl on her period that rule is highly misogynistic. Lots of girls report being sexually harassed or assaulted. The bullying now with added cyber bullying.

School is worse than prison. Over my dead body I'd put any future child of mine through school.

Excellent post . Well observed

Surely towards the end of the summer kids are getting angsty and ready to go back?

No, I wasn't eager to go back. I just felt more and more dread the closer the date came to returning.

I enjoyed school, but didn't feel angsty and ready to go back, even though we had longer holidays than my kids get.