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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do some children never like school?

197 replies

Albertohello · 14/03/2023 08:29

Ds(8) used to like nursery, but hasn’t liked school since then. I have been seriously considering moving him because of this. But today he said “I think I’m just never going to like school wherever I go. I’m always going to hate school.”

I found this really sad! He’s quite introverted and shy, I think that’s part of it. But he does really well in subjects, and has a friend or two there.

Aibu? That primary kids could all love school if they went to the right place for them?

OP posts:
Mischance · 19/03/2023 17:04

JazbayGrapes · 19/03/2023 16:59

I wonder if all this neurodiversity in kids is happening because the environment is just unnatural.

This - absolutely this.

School is an external construct that has nothing to do with who and how children really are. It is something unnatural that is foisted on them. Some children thrive in school - we regard them as normal. Some do not and we regard them as having some pathology, when in fact they may simply be in an environment every day that goes against their nature.

Ask not what is wrong with the child, but what is wrong with the school - or more particularly the concept of school in general.

premicrois · 19/03/2023 17:09

JazbayGrapes · 19/03/2023 16:59

I wonder if all this neurodiversity in kids is happening because the environment is just unnatural.

But nobody became ND because they went to school.

neverendinglauaundry · 19/03/2023 17:10

DS has a year and a half to go (Y10). Still doesn't like it. He's predicted mostly sevens (with a few 8s & 6s) for GCSE but will go on to a level 2 apprenticeship if he can get one. His education will begin then :-)
School is set up as one size fits all, but it obviously doesn't suit some.
Maybe a forest school or something would work for your DC if there is one near by.

JazbayGrapes · 19/03/2023 17:14

This reply has been deleted

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premicrois · 19/03/2023 17:15

@JazbayGrapes

You know people are ND BEFORE they go to school? It doesn't fucking manifest in Primary 1 Hmm

BungleandGeorge · 19/03/2023 17:22

barring a few cases due to damage to the brain, people are born as neurodivergent. It’s not caused by the environment!
most of the older people I’ve spoken to freely admit there were kids labelled as stupid, weird, lazy etc at school who in retrospect probably had a condition. Many more who were hidden away or just dropped out.

premicrois · 19/03/2023 17:26

I have had this discussion many times in here but people just don't get it. They swear blind even in the 80s that there were no autistic children in their school. They forget that when they were children worth no knowledge of autism they wouldn't really have spotted subtle signs. I went through school and tried to stay under the radar. I felt out of place and scared every single day of primary. To anyone else looking back they wouldn't see me as autistic, they would see me as quiet.

I am not the only one. ND people did exist in my generation, and my parents, and their parents/

Manifested my fucking arse

Xrays · 19/03/2023 17:28

premicrois · 19/03/2023 17:26

I have had this discussion many times in here but people just don't get it. They swear blind even in the 80s that there were no autistic children in their school. They forget that when they were children worth no knowledge of autism they wouldn't really have spotted subtle signs. I went through school and tried to stay under the radar. I felt out of place and scared every single day of primary. To anyone else looking back they wouldn't see me as autistic, they would see me as quiet.

I am not the only one. ND people did exist in my generation, and my parents, and their parents/

Manifested my fucking arse

Yep. See my earlier post. Same story.

Many, many of us with (in my case probable) autism just flew uncomfortably under the radar.

TrinaLowsln · 19/03/2023 17:30

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This is utter bollocks.

MoreSleepPleasee · 19/03/2023 17:32

I hated school. Definitely was not the best years of my life I found it awful. My son hates school too.

TrinaLowsln · 19/03/2023 17:32

Mischance · 19/03/2023 17:04

This - absolutely this.

School is an external construct that has nothing to do with who and how children really are. It is something unnatural that is foisted on them. Some children thrive in school - we regard them as normal. Some do not and we regard them as having some pathology, when in fact they may simply be in an environment every day that goes against their nature.

Ask not what is wrong with the child, but what is wrong with the school - or more particularly the concept of school in general.

Show quote history

I'm ND and school did not "cause" or "manifest" my neurodiversity, I was ND from day 1. So was my son, and he's home educated, never been to school.

Being neurodiverse is nothing to be ashamed of and nor is it a problem to be resolved. I agree schools are often not good environments for neurodiverse children and may exacerbate symptoms but they do not cause neurodiversity. If you look at my family there is obvious neurodiversity going back generations.

JazbayGrapes · 19/03/2023 17:38

There was one "emotionally unadjusted" boy in my class. He would be sent away to be educated at home, because he was so disruptive. He just didn't function in classroom setting. I don't know what kind of diagnosis he'd be given today.

midlander79 · 19/03/2023 17:38

I hated it. I loved college and have an M.A and have had decent jobs. I love being an adult.
I hated the having to get up and rush off somewhere in a morning (love WFH for most of the jobs I've had recently, also hated office work)hated being so busy and so much noise and so many people I had to watch my conduct with. Found it scary, cold, boring, tiring. I am NT. The type of arrangement school is (like everything else) never going to suit every person.

Mischance · 19/03/2023 17:47

I am presuming that no-one is suggesting that school causes the ND; rather that school can be a very bad place for someone who is ND. The fact that all children are forced into a standard pattern of school is where the problem lies.

tulippa · 19/03/2023 17:47

I think very few children actively enjoy school. They might like the odd lesson but, given the choice, would pick a day at home over a day at school. I remember someone giving me the 'school days are the best days of your life' line when I was at secondary and I thought 'What? It gets worse than this?!' I would have absolutely loved covid lockdown if it had happened in the 90s.

premicrois · 19/03/2023 17:52

Mischance · 19/03/2023 17:47

I am presuming that no-one is suggesting that school causes the ND; rather that school can be a very bad place for someone who is ND. The fact that all children are forced into a standard pattern of school is where the problem lies.

You are presuming incorrectly.

user1468867181 · 19/03/2023 18:04

My daughter disliked primary school and really struggled with secondary school often refusing to go. She was very bright but just didn't enjoy formal education. She went to university as a mature student and graduated with a first class degree. Formal education doesn't seem to suit some children.

Ichosetheredpill · 19/03/2023 18:08

premicrois · 19/03/2023 17:26

I have had this discussion many times in here but people just don't get it. They swear blind even in the 80s that there were no autistic children in their school. They forget that when they were children worth no knowledge of autism they wouldn't really have spotted subtle signs. I went through school and tried to stay under the radar. I felt out of place and scared every single day of primary. To anyone else looking back they wouldn't see me as autistic, they would see me as quiet.

I am not the only one. ND people did exist in my generation, and my parents, and their parents/

Manifested my fucking arse

@premicrois absolutely this. I was a gifted student in the 80s who was labelled lazy/difficult because nobody considered female autism then. I firmly believe, especially looking around at my circle of friends, that ND is actually very common and will become recognised as such in the future.

WickedSerious · 19/03/2023 18:08

I absolutely detested school from day one and couldn't wait to leave.I think that's just the way it is for some kids.

AlwaysGinPlease · 19/03/2023 18:09

I loathed school. Today if they had behaved as they did , some of the teachers would have been arrested and some jailed. Some definitely fired. I went to school 70s/80s and couldn't wait to leave.

ballroompink · 19/03/2023 19:38

My DM thinks that her sister, my aunt, is neurodiverse (for various reasons) and interestingly she hated school (in the 1960s!). Famously burned her books and uniform the day she left and couldn't wait to be done with it all. She has had a successful and contented life running a business with her husband and that hatred of formal education didn't seem to do her any harm in the long run. I think some people just aren't a natural fit for school but are perfectly happy once they're doing a job they love.

Raineth · 20/03/2023 09:23

My DS hated school and struggled with the rough boys. We redid our finances so we could send him to a gentle nurturing academic private school. Costs a fortune but he is finally happy.

I think it is very much about the school and the kids that go there. If you have a gentle boy in a class of rough boys he’s going to hate it.

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