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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do some children never like school?

197 replies

Albertohello · 14/03/2023 08:29

Ds(8) used to like nursery, but hasn’t liked school since then. I have been seriously considering moving him because of this. But today he said “I think I’m just never going to like school wherever I go. I’m always going to hate school.”

I found this really sad! He’s quite introverted and shy, I think that’s part of it. But he does really well in subjects, and has a friend or two there.

Aibu? That primary kids could all love school if they went to the right place for them?

OP posts:
cheatingcrackers · 17/03/2023 10:24

Respected, treated as an adult, not bullied, not shouted at, my knowledge rewarded, not punished.

I’m sorry you didn’t get this at school. I wasn’t treated like an adult (obviously - though close enough in 6th form) but I was respected, I wasn’t bullied/shouted at or otherwise punished and my knowledge was celebrated. Again, not in an alternative school, but just one that supported and got the best - or got a lot of good - from its pupils.

monsterradeliciosa · 17/03/2023 10:25

Well I hated school
bullied
quiet
hated getting up every day
tired

bunked off the entirety of years 10 and 11

TrinaLowsln · 17/03/2023 19:57

Wardrobelion · 17/03/2023 00:59

I absolutely hated school from the day I can remember which was my mum dropping me off at nursery & I sobbed watching her leave, to getting to high school & despising & struggling every day of my life whilst at school. I was popular, had many friends, but I was just masking & mimicking my way through school.

When people say “You’ll look back & realise school was the best years of your life” I just think, piss off. I am so glad I’m not in school anymore, my son is the same & I’m seriously considering home schooling him. The only thing stopping me is the social aspect of school.

I home educate and there are lots and lots of social opportunities for home educated children, depending where you live (cities are better for obvious reasons). Feel free to PM me if you have questions!

JazbayGrapes · 17/03/2023 20:04

I’m sorry you didn’t get this at school. I wasn’t treated like an adult (obviously - though close enough in 6th form) but I was respected, I wasn’t bullied/shouted at or otherwise punished and my knowledge was celebrated. Again, not in an alternative school, but just one that supported and got the best - or got a lot of good - from its pupils.

Then you arenone of very lucky few. As this thread shows, indeed very few actually thrive in years upon years of classroom confinement. And certainly nobody benefits from bullying, boredom, and bullshit.

Ineedaduvetday · 18/03/2023 11:57

I’m sorry you didn’t get this at school. I wasn’t treated like an adult (obviously - though close enough in 6th form) but I was respected, I wasn’t bullied/shouted at or otherwise punished and my knowledge was celebrated. Again, not in an alternative school, but just one that supported and got the best - or got a lot of good - from its pupils.

As Jazbay said, you were very lucky.

Commonsensitivity · 18/03/2023 12:01

I never liked it. It is a man made institution. And so it's bound to be flawed. Its like a child farm really isn't it?? You learn loads but it's rigid. I was probably a bit adhd growing up. I excelled with the flexibility of higher education though and got a PhD. One of my dcs loves school. The other hates it.

cheatingcrackers · 18/03/2023 12:22

Ineedaduvetday · 18/03/2023 11:57

I’m sorry you didn’t get this at school. I wasn’t treated like an adult (obviously - though close enough in 6th form) but I was respected, I wasn’t bullied/shouted at or otherwise punished and my knowledge was celebrated. Again, not in an alternative school, but just one that supported and got the best - or got a lot of good - from its pupils.

As Jazbay said, you were very lucky.

Or the people on this thread were unlucky. Amongst my friends and family school is generally seen as a very positive thing.

Nooyoiknooyoik · 18/03/2023 12:28

Some of you didn’t like school. That’s unfortunate but it doesn’t mean that all schools are bad and should be banned.

Try visiting Afghanistan or various war-torn African villages. See how many of the girls there would give their right arm for one of the school places you moan and whinge about.

lollipoprainbow · 18/03/2023 12:42

I think it's a myth that all children love school. The look I get when people ask if my dd loves school and I say no is like I have two heads !! People just don't understand.

spelunky · 18/03/2023 12:47

It's possible he might never like it.

But he can't say it with certainty. He's only 8 and he's had one experience. He feels like he'll never like it and that's valid - but objectively he can't possibly know that he'll never like it, having only been to one.

That's like watching one movie and saying you'll never like movies. Maybe you won't, but if you only watched a horror then you don't even know comedies exist!

I'd switch him and see if he gets on any better. Nothing to lose if he hates it anyway.

Commonsensitivity · 18/03/2023 13:09

Try visiting Afghanistan or various war-torn African villages. See how many of the girls there would give their right arm for one of the school places you moan and whinge about.

🙄 That's the equivalent of eat all your dinner children in Africa are starving. People are allowed to not like school ffs.

WhereIsMyRefund · 18/03/2023 13:22

I didn’t like school. My home life was rubbish so I was a sad child. I was never allowed nice clothes etc so kids looked down on me.

My three kids loved school and sailed through. It’s been surprisingly healing for me to see that school can be fabulous.

Cuwins · 18/03/2023 13:26

Wardrobelion · 17/03/2023 00:59

I absolutely hated school from the day I can remember which was my mum dropping me off at nursery & I sobbed watching her leave, to getting to high school & despising & struggling every day of my life whilst at school. I was popular, had many friends, but I was just masking & mimicking my way through school.

When people say “You’ll look back & realise school was the best years of your life” I just think, piss off. I am so glad I’m not in school anymore, my son is the same & I’m seriously considering home schooling him. The only thing stopping me is the social aspect of school.

My DD is pre school age but I am seriously considering home education as I don't like our current school system at all.
I have joined a local home education Facebook group- just searched my town and home education, there are loads of groups/classes going on locally for HE kids and they have regular social meet ups.

I loved primary school myself, to the extent I cried if I was sick and couldn't go! But I hated secondary school and sixth form was only marginally better.

lollipoprainbow · 18/03/2023 13:29

Nooyoiknooyoik · 18/03/2023 12:28

Some of you didn’t like school. That’s unfortunate but it doesn’t mean that all schools are bad and should be banned.

Try visiting Afghanistan or various war-torn African villages. See how many of the girls there would give their right arm for one of the school places you moan and whinge about.

Irrelevant

BungleandGeorge · 18/03/2023 13:39

I think most of us have probably only experienced mainstream education, so possibly there is a good system for everyone. However I don’t think it is particularly the norm to really like school. Especially not secondary school. They are pretty much one size fits all establishments and not necessarily led by knowledge of child development so it makes sense that many people just won’t get a good fit. It also depends a lot on the teachers, a good one can make such a difference. But then what’s good for one may not be good for another. There are definitely a few teachers who aren’t good for anyone though!

Odile13 · 18/03/2023 13:58

That’s an interesting question. I was academic at school but I never really liked going, especially secondary school where I eventually came to hate it.

I think for me, being at school was being around people too much. You are expected to be around others for every lesson and break. As an adult I like to chat to people for a bit and then go off and spend time by myself and this really isn’t possible at school and is in fact considered weird by many. Also, I found many of the schoolchildren to be quite cruel and horrible. It was simply not a nice place to be for me.

WhereIsMyRefund · 18/03/2023 14:49

JazbayGrapes · 17/03/2023 20:04

I’m sorry you didn’t get this at school. I wasn’t treated like an adult (obviously - though close enough in 6th form) but I was respected, I wasn’t bullied/shouted at or otherwise punished and my knowledge was celebrated. Again, not in an alternative school, but just one that supported and got the best - or got a lot of good - from its pupils.

Then you arenone of very lucky few. As this thread shows, indeed very few actually thrive in years upon years of classroom confinement. And certainly nobody benefits from bullying, boredom, and bullshit.

I think this thread will attract people who hated school perhaps. I know lots of adults who, unlike me, liked school. And my kids and their friends enjoyed the experience overall (not every second).

This thread shows to me that there should be far more choice of education options. We should not wait till school ‘fails’ a child for the parents then to have to explore other options. There needs to be less focus on rigid academic subjects and tailoring of teaching to learning style. I cannot see any government taking this on.

It would be good for a start if home-schooling could have better PR. So it could be portrayed as a viable and positive alternative. Some people have a dim view of HS and that needs to change.

Nooyoiknooyoik · 18/03/2023 15:22

Commonsensitivity · 18/03/2023 13:09

Try visiting Afghanistan or various war-torn African villages. See how many of the girls there would give their right arm for one of the school places you moan and whinge about.

🙄 That's the equivalent of eat all your dinner children in Africa are starving. People are allowed to not like school ffs.

But not to say schools are all crap and children should leave at 13 to work.

Nooyoiknooyoik · 18/03/2023 15:24

Odile13 · 18/03/2023 13:58

That’s an interesting question. I was academic at school but I never really liked going, especially secondary school where I eventually came to hate it.

I think for me, being at school was being around people too much. You are expected to be around others for every lesson and break. As an adult I like to chat to people for a bit and then go off and spend time by myself and this really isn’t possible at school and is in fact considered weird by many. Also, I found many of the schoolchildren to be quite cruel and horrible. It was simply not a nice place to be for me.

This is a good point though.

JazbayGrapes · 18/03/2023 18:41

But not to say schools are all crap and children should leave at 13 to work.

The previous generations did. Non-academic children should have that option. Learn a trade, work with their hands. They are not benefiting of extra years of essay writing, equation solving or having to memorize redundant information. And truly intellectual ones should have more varied and flexible choices.

Ineedaduvetday · 18/03/2023 21:38

Nooyoiknooyoik · 18/03/2023 12:28

Some of you didn’t like school. That’s unfortunate but it doesn’t mean that all schools are bad and should be banned.

Try visiting Afghanistan or various war-torn African villages. See how many of the girls there would give their right arm for one of the school places you moan and whinge about.

It isn't just 'unfortunate' though, it affected the rest of my life.

I never said school should be banned, just that my experience of it was awful. Your 'war-torn African villages' analogy is just ridiculous.

Ineedaduvetday · 18/03/2023 21:40

cheatingcrackers · 18/03/2023 12:22

Or the people on this thread were unlucky. Amongst my friends and family school is generally seen as a very positive thing.

Show quote history

Or you were lucky

Nooyoiknooyoik · 18/03/2023 22:13

Ineedaduvetday · 18/03/2023 21:38

It isn't just 'unfortunate' though, it affected the rest of my life.

I never said school should be banned, just that my experience of it was awful. Your 'war-torn African villages' analogy is just ridiculous.

Show quote history

A pp said children should leave at 13 to work.

TrinaLowsln · 18/03/2023 22:33

Nooyoiknooyoik · 18/03/2023 22:13

A pp said children should leave at 13 to work.

Show quote history

No she said that should be an option, not that all children should leave school at 13.

Not saying I agree as I don't think children should be working, but she didn't say all children should leave school at 13.

Shitsandwiches · 18/03/2023 22:42

My DD is 14, in Yr10 and absolutely hates her school and her attendance is shocking also. Anxiety/Family Breakdown/relocation are the backdrop to the story - add in lockdown and I have barely been able to get her back in since then. I can't wait for it to be over and nor can she. It does feel like child abuse trying to get her to go and has made home very difficult at the moment between us because I'm under pressure, feeling like a failure of a parent, wanting her to be 'normal. We're trying a part time timetable at the moment - though she wants that to be full time at home obviously.
This thread has been reassuring that it will be ok in the end. This is just a chapter in her life, school doesn't suit so many kids and it doesn't mean they will therefore be one of life's failures....hopefully.