Do some children never like school?

[Albertohello]

Ds(8) used to like nursery, but hasn’t liked school since then. I have been seriously considering moving him because of this. But today he said “I think I’m just never going to like school wherever I go. I’m always going to hate school.”

I found this really sad! He’s quite introverted and shy, I think that’s part of it. But he does really well in subjects, and has a friend or two there.

Aibu? That primary kids could all love school if they went to the right place for them?

This has brought back memories of my experience of school as a young child. It was a twenty minute walk and I clung to literally every lamppost on the way there, screaming and sobbing. No-one reacted to this - I was dragged to school every day by my mother and I believe that it seriously damaged our relationship.

I do hope this never happens these days....

I hated school from the moment I started until the day I left.

School is not for everyone.
My middle child always preferred to be at home, and as he got older, he disliked school more and more .
He's an adult now and says he didn't like being told what to do all the time, and having all his time organised for him. He was bullied at secondary school, which made matters worse, and his intellect made it very hard for him to deal with some of the more mundane aspects of school and the slow progress of lessons. The behaviour issues in his bog_ standard London comp created conditions that made it hard to learn. He is very non conformist and has always had his own ideas on how to learn.
As an adult he is very well informed on a huge range of subjects andi think he found school very restricting. He is much happier as an adult with control over his own life.
Our financial situation meant we couldn't afford for one parent not to work , otherwise home education would have been a much better option for him. With hindsight I think I should have found a way to do that, although his siblings were happy enough in school.

I can also remember being so bored in school that I wanted to cry. It was better for me in secondary school as I went to a very good selective entry school, so the pace was faster and the behaviour good.
As a teacher now I am very conscious of the need to provide sufficient challenge for the more able children and to give children opportunities to follow their interests and to develop initiative and control over their work where this is possible.

But I do think some children are just not built for for school, with the inevitable restrictions and lack of choice and freedom that it carries. Obviously there are benefits socially but not all children want to be with large groups of peers all day long.

I hated school the whole time - At my tender young age i thought it was all boring and pointless. Now i am approaching retirement i know it was all boring and pointless - post the reading and basic maths level.

I left school with no qualifications but as soon as i was on my own and could choose what i wanted to learn and when and in whatever i wanted to wear i excelled and got a masters degree and ended up as a political advisor in central government.

It was a massive factor in me choosing to Home Educate my own children and now all my Grandchildren are Home Educated.

I have watched a few documentaries on schools and a number of my friends are teachers and i find what i see and hear horrifying if i am being completely honest.

Being so bored i could cry was exactly how i felt.

Although with me it was worse at secondary school. I was so bored i felt like i was silently screaming the whole time. I think i knew there was a whole wonderful world outside of the school doors and i was unable to see, hear and learn about it.

Once out of their restrictions i really blossomed - I think my personality is similar to your sons. I Home Educated mine and it was far better for us as a whole family.

One of my children hates it with a passion but she's being assessed for asd. ( its very clear to us but she masks in school).
She just says it's all pointless and if she needs to know anything then she will Google it 🤷‍♀️🙄.
In her words it's a very outdated way of increasing your knowledge and should be optional experience 🙄.
Only 9 more years left kid 🤣

Every normal child hates school

My son didn't mind school but wasn't particularly happy, made no friends, we moved him and he loves school, works really hard and has a lovely group of friends. Things can change, but that was luck to a degree, could have been even worse.

As someone who home educates I find it really sad if this is the accepted norm. Surely we should want better for our kids than that?

I hated it from the beginning. Hated the noise and the chaos, things like having to stand in line for ages outside a classroom because someone else was talking, or being lectured in assembly about things I didn't do. Such a waste of my time. Loathed homework more than anything because it meant that school, which I hated, couldn't even be left behind when I left the building. I rarely did it, but that just made me anxious because I didn't want to be 'in trouble' either.

I love learning, but at school the pace was too slow and intellectual curiosity was mocked - including by the teachers on a few occasions. I left school at 16, after years of poor mental health and very low attendance. When I did go to university, much later, I did extremely well.

There are things I don't like about my job, but I chose the job, I'm paid to do it, and if the bad things outweighed the good things I'd look for another. There are a huge variety of jobs that suit different personalities and skillsets. School is the same for everyone, but children are as much individuals as adults are. Some aren't suited to it at all.

As someone who home educates I find it really sad if this is the accepted norm. Surely we should want better for our kids than that?

It would be better for civilization if secondary school, as an institution, ceased to exist. I'm all for home education, unfortunately, we need somewhere to park our kids while we work for a living.

I completely understand why many children dislike or even hate school. Many different reasons and each child will have their own issues.

But many others enjoy it and benefit from it even if it’s not fun all day long. Society (and therefore all of us) benefits too as we have a largely literate and numerate population who are capable of running and maintaining different aspects of the country.

What’s your alternative?

Genuine question.

My alternative is more support and acceptance for home education, for those children who suit that style of learning more.

My alternative is more support and acceptance for home education, for those children who suit that style of learning more.

End school by 13-14?
So young people could enter workforce or learn actual skills and develop their talents and passions?
It's such a waste of a young person's life.

Would working in an unskilled job for low pay really allow a 13 year old to develop their talents and passions?

Would working in an unskilled job for low pay really allow a 13 year old to develop their talents and passions?

How many people still end up doing poorly paid, low skilled jobs after all the years of schooling? So what is the point?

The point is that a child who wants to learn is given the opportunity instead of being pushed into earning early by people who may not have their best interests at heart. You’re right though that some children either don’t want to learn, or can’t.

In a good school, those who can’t learn would be identified and helped. I accept though that many schools aren’t as good at this as they should be.

In a good school, those who can’t learn would be identified and helped. I accept though that many schools aren’t as good at this as they should be.

Learn exactly what and what for?
Follow orders? Memorize useless things only to forget them after a final exam?

I'm in a "qualified" job. But to be honest, the things i do here i could have easily performed at about 14.

I had two dc's and brought up two gc's as well. Of my own, my dd2 loved infant and primary but she was a child who thrived on routine and clear direction. dd1 wanted to go her own way, no rules or regs for her and this continued throughout life for her.

Both my gc's (boys) did not like school particularly. Gc1 just not interested. Gc2 was bullied at secondary. The only time he liked school was a brief year or two I moved him out of the horrendously cliquey and poor village primary and into another more supportive primary in a nearby town. He does not even like college. But I think some of this is down to staff quality. Kids always know a good teacher when they see one and tend to perform and thrive better. Some might disagree, but that is my experience.

That wouldn't be right for my son, he's academic and loves to learn. There is a slightly pervasive narrative that it's only kids who aren't academic who hate school.

I agree, shool isn't a good match for all children.

But as it seems to work for the majority of children, we are stuck with this system.

I have one DC who thrived at secondary school and one who struggles - they were both fine at primary school. But have very different needs/ outlook at secondary. One is academic the other not so much, it's the latter the school does not care about. As it's all about going 6th form and university.

That wouldn't be right for my son, he's academic and loves to learn. There is a slightly pervasive narrative that it's only kids who aren't academic who hate school.

I was academic. Top of the class. I strongly felt, i could have done with the curriculum years earlier, if removed all the nonsense, that school life was about. Unfortunately, there and then home education was never a possibility for me. When i arrived at university, there were some kids who were 16. They were not geniuses. There were given a chance to skip a couple of grades. I was so envious!

I’m in a job where the grounding I had at school was important especially in the sciences. If I hadn’t been to school I wouldn’t have known where or how to get into what I’m doing today. I can remember a lot of what I learned at school - some of it pointless but much of it a basis for developing further expertise in multiple different directions if the child chooses.

I know many children won’t choose. But many do and for them school is important as it introduces them to opportunities they would never get otherwise.

I don’t think it’s school per se that’s the failure, even though not every child is suited to it. I do agree that many schools and teachers are not very good and some are absolutely awful.

Sorry OP, I’m derailing your thread.
I’m sorry your DS isn’t a school enthusiast but you got some good advice from a pp who advised you to acknowledge his dislike, agree school isn’t for everyone but lucky him he’ll probably adore being an adult, and encourage lots of other interests.