Do some children never like school?

[Albertohello]

Ds(8) used to like nursery, but hasn’t liked school since then. I have been seriously considering moving him because of this. But today he said “I think I’m just never going to like school wherever I go. I’m always going to hate school.”

I found this really sad! He’s quite introverted and shy, I think that’s part of it. But he does really well in subjects, and has a friend or two there.

Aibu? That primary kids could all love school if they went to the right place for them?

I never liked school either and nothing would have changed that.

I never liked school either although I am academic and did very well.

I hated and dreaded every PE lesson as I was so bad at it and the social side was agony. I was too shy to approach anyone to make friends and I find most people uninteresting anyway so am happy in my own company. Break times dragged though as we had to go outside and weren’t allowed to take a book. I’d have loved to sit on a bench reading.

It wasn’t until I was at uni and friends with an ophthalmic student that I discovered why I was so bad at PE. It appears that depth perception is pretty essential if you want to be able to catch, hit a ball or long jump or hurdle…..I don’t have it.

Thank you to everyone who has replied here, I'm not the OP but I have had a dreadful morning dealing with attendance issues for my youngest kid who hates school. As many of you have said they find it boring and pointless and although they are bright and switched on, they have absolutely no desire to demonstrate that or prove themself to anyone.

I hated secondary and as did my DH, we both skived off a lot, so I am glad my kid feels they can be honest with me. My eldest hated school too but now loves college, less hours but more work which is more interesting and challenging, and more importantly, relevant.

School does try to offer support but really I just don't see what could help other than a huge overhaul of the whole system, perhaps offering a more flexible way of learning/attending. It is so depressing that if they hate it they just have to sit there and be miserable all in the name of a job they will hopefully have as an adult.

School does try to offer support but really I just don't see what could help other than a huge overhaul of the whole system, perhaps offering a more flexible way of learning/attending.

Can you look into alternative school? Fast tracking through the system?

I don’t consider the thread derailed! I’m still reading all replies with interest :)

I remember clearly crying my eyes out at 4 when my mother told me I had to keep going to school until I was 16. I thought it was just for the week!

What a ridiculous statement. I loved school, one of my kids loves school ( to the extent that when I offer her a day off to do something as family that isn't possible at the weekend she refuses, every time), the other enjoys it but would rather be doing sport all the time. Looking around at my friends' kids and kids' friends I would say that enjoying school is the norm.

And honestly all this stuff about stifling imagination and curiosity - I'm sorry that you or your kids have had that experience but it has been the opposite for me and mine. And I say this as a high achiever who found it all relatively easy (straight A*s at GCSE, straight As at A Level). But as I said upthread, my parents and I chose my schools carefully, DH and I chose the kids' schools carefully. I know not everyone has that option.

But as I said upthread, my parents and I chose my schools carefully, DH and I chose the kids' schools carefully. I know not everyone has that option.

I know there are nice, alternative, innovative schools out there. Schools which don't look or feel like schools. Unfortunately they aren't available for ordinary people like ourselves.

I did well at school and made friends I still have 30 years later, but so much of school is pointless and boring. I’d loved to have learned more practical, useful, subjects like business or coding - subjects that would have actually helped when making career decisions. Instead we had subjects like compulsory Religious studies and English literature, both of which should be options, not core. The whole education system needs a massive overhaul. I’d love to see teachers spending a few years in industry before becoming teachers so they have a much better sense of employability and the application of their subject to the real world. We’ve started down this route with qualifications such as T levels but I’d like to see it go much further. Kids are not designed to mostly sit still for 6 hours a day - they should be up, moving around, learning about their spaces, learning from people who actually do the jobs they’d like to do, not sitting analysing a 300 year old poem they couldn’t care less about (unless that’s something they desperately want to do with their lives).

My kids’ schools aren’t alternative or innovative in the slightest. Neither was mine.

What puzzles me the most, is why so many adults believe that all the shitty aspects of school life are somehow character building or necessary preparation for the "world of work". Pure lies.
I believe at least two years of formal education could easily be shaved off, if its wasn't for dealing with crowd control, classroom drama, time spent in preparation for tests - testing - evaluation of tests, plus pointless repetitive tasks for sole reason that kids have less time to play.
The world shows the the most successful enterpreneurs, artists, inventors or thinkers either did quite badly at school or had a luxury of not attending one.

I never liked school. The bullying, the collective punishments and being forced to run round in the pissing rain twice a week were the main problems. The work was OK, I was averagely good at it so never really got in any trouble. It was just the atmosphere I hated, the constant watching my back. Someone was always trying to have a go, physically or mentally, pupil or teacher.

It got a little better in the sixth form because you had a little more freedom and teachers tended to trust your word more. But all in all it was a horrible experience and I don't think changing school would have changed that.

It's like adult life in that respect - my job is shit, I hate the place, I don't get paid enough, but for most people that's the case for them too. You can change job, might get a honeymoon period because you're relieved at not being in the previous one any longer, but the new one will grind you down too soon enough.

Life's shit, school-work-die. The boomer generation shoehorned a lengthy retirement period into their flow, but for subsequent generations it's back to school-work-die.

My daughter (10) says every day that she hates school. She's doing OK academically (she finds Maths hard at times), and she has some good friends there, but just seems to really not enjoy it at all. My son is a bit 'meh' about it - he doesn't hate it, but he doesn't love it either.

Hated school, always.

I hated school. The pointless lessons e.g. I don't give a shit about Richard the Third.

Teachers who didn't like you had impunity to make your life a misery. And they did.

P. E. - being made to be fully naked in front of other classmates having a shower after hockey or cross country. No privacy at all.

Being bullied and no one cared. You were 'too sensitive' or 'you need to toughen up' was all you heard. Fuckers

I absolutely hated school from the day I can remember which was my mum dropping me off at nursery & I sobbed watching her leave, to getting to high school & despising & struggling every day of my life whilst at school. I was popular, had many friends, but I was just masking & mimicking my way through school.

When people say “You’ll look back & realise school was the best years of your life” I just think, piss off. I am so glad I’m not in school anymore, my son is the same & I’m seriously considering home schooling him. The only thing stopping me is the social aspect of school.

I was going to write the same post about my DGS. He is academically clever and an excellent student. No time off super popular and the teachers think he is a great kid.
He detests school and can't wait to leave. He's currently 14.

There should be different types of education, not all school, for children.

When I win the lottery I'm going to open some form of education place for the kids who don't fit the system.

I think the school leaving age should drop to 14. I don't mean education should stop just that there should be more alternatives.

You can actually leave school and attend college at 14, but most people don't know that and college isn't for everyone.

At one of my primary schools the teacher did a sort of experiment and we were all given a card with what she expected each child to do in the day.

You could do it in any order and when you finished apiece of work she would tick off your card and you could do the next task.

I quite liked that.

I hated school, it was always fine- I always had lots of friends, was never bullied and did well in exams and sport.
But for primary school we stayed with the same class of kids throughout, and my class had 35 students, and seven had SEN or behavioural needs and the majority had low attainment. So I and most of the able kids were fully ignored for all of primary school- or made to teach the less able, or used as behaviour buffers. I was sat next to one particular boy for a few years to be his 'calming influence'. I hated him.

It just meant that by secondary school I was already fed up, had no trust in teachers and had learnt how to be quiet and to teach myself.
Spent a lot of time skiving as all my classes were full of disruptive kids who looking back, all had lots of unmet needs. I stopped going to history and RE fully in year 9 and just learnt the material by myself. If you were well behaved and sensible- you could really get away with anything- nobody cared as long as your work was completed and you were not causing trouble.
It was a bit sad, I only wanted to learn but I was so bored and fed up.
I loved college though- everyone doing the subjects actually wanted to be there and disruptive kids were just told to leave if they didn't want to be there.

I have a DC who loves school and a DC who hates it.

I used to try to think about it in terms of preparing for having a job and adult life with demands that you don't necessarily want to do but it is different. It's slightly more of a free choice as an adult - sure you will face consequences if you don't go to work but nobody is going to pick up up while you are crying and carry you in (I know children this has happened to), you can also usually choose your holidays and decide for yourself when you need a sick day.

still do. I'm academically 'bright' judging from qualifications. But school was dull.

I was academically ahead of my peers. Maybe not exactly "gifted and talented", just ahead. And teachers would scold me for that. Said i was lazy, that i don't do the work. Well, i'm sorry that other kids needed to spend hours and hours to solve a couple of equations, but I could do them in a couple of minutes. Very lazy indeed.

When people say “You’ll look back & realise school was the best years of your life” I just think, piss off.

This shit is why so many kids are suicidal. The worst thing you can say to a child.

Being bullied and no one cared. You were 'too sensitive' or 'you need to toughen up' was all you heard. Fuckers

And then if you fight back, you're the trouble maker. I now realize that most teachers were the school bullies themselves.

It’s a shame that the reason you hated school was because it was full of kids who were disrupting what should have been happening at school.

I think that school disrupters shouldn’t be there - there should be a different centre where their needs are met but so many people seem keen to keep disruptive children in mainstream schools when it benefits nobody.

I’m sorry you also hated school but I’m not clear on how it could have been improved for you. You seem to think school wasn’t for you because you were too bright but lots of bright children thrive at school. What are you doing now that’s better than when you were at school? Did you find a lifestyle that you love?

My son hates the lessons and homework part of school. He enjoys break times. Says best part of the day is lunchtime. Enjoys the sport.

He just isn’t engaged with academic learning and hates reading. I feel sorry for his teachers as he really is like a brick wall when trying to tees j something he is not interested in.

I think school is pretty outdated. I think he will enjoy it when he can study what he is interested in so 16+ I hope. He is year 8 now.

I’m sorry you also hated school but I’m not clear on how it could have been improved for you.

My life would have been better if i was home educated or allowed to fast track through the system. I thrived at university. Respected, treated as an adult, not bullied, not shouted at, my knowledge rewarded, not punished.

What are you doing now that’s better than when you were at school? Did you find a lifestyle that you love?

I'm an adult. I work with adults. I get paid for my work. If my job becomes unsatisfactory or gets in the way of my life, i can quit it and look for something else to do. I don't have to put up with bullshit in the name of "socialization" or whatever.