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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To NOT want DH and I to see our respective locations on Find my iPhone?

260 replies

Thisismenow2 · 13/03/2023 10:17

I have always been able to see DH’s location on Find my iPhone (although I rarely bother looking - only if he running late for dinner!) and he’s able to see mine. It’s not that I want to get up to anything untoward but I just think it would be better if we couldn’t see each other’s locations.

AIBU to think most partners DON’T share their locations?

OP posts:

Comefromaway · 13/03/2023 10:20

It's very handy for the numerous occasions when I can't find my phone. Ds also has both of us on it too.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 13/03/2023 10:20

We both have it.

Jadedbuthappy82 · 13/03/2023 10:21

Quite frankly I can't think of anything worse 😬

moonpixel · 13/03/2023 10:21

Ours are on but we have been married over 20 years with no trust issues so it's caused no problem. DH location is our house, he rarely leaves it (perhaps once a month) so I'm not some psycho stalker. Neither is he btw, but I don't particularly care if he looks to see where I am.

Mortimercat · 13/03/2023 10:22

We do share locations, only started recently when we got setting up some AirTags for suitcases and then we ended up sharing phones whilst we were at it. I am happy to share locations because there might be a time when it comes in handy and in the meantime we don’t use it to monitor each other or catch each other out or anything sinister like that.

Paperexcelandpens · 13/03/2023 10:22

We have it and ds is on there too

WoofWoofBeachLife · 13/03/2023 10:25

Is there a particular reason why you wouldn't want to share your location? We have Life 360 and it's great when DH says he won't be long and I can see he's actually an hour away lol. For dinner purposes it's great.

moonpixel · 13/03/2023 10:27

Actually though, what I do is irrelevant, if you don't want your DH to see your location that's absolutely fine. I think the use of these things had to be mutually agreed.

ExtraOnions · 13/03/2023 10:27

Ours are on, he’s often up in the Countryside, or on jaunts across the country to do his birdwatching .. so I use it to see when he’s likely to back.

If you want to go “off grid” I think you can switch off your location services

ClareBlue · 13/03/2023 10:28

Absolutely not. There is no way that I need to or want to know where my partner or adult children are all the time. I find it quite amazing that people think this is ok. I know I'll get all the safety and convenience messages, but I just find it creepy and wrong. 30 years in my relationship and no trust issues, but I just find this weird.

AnotherDelphinium · 13/03/2023 10:28

I’ve shared my location with my mum, brother and best friend for a long time, I only don’t share with my dad/partner as they don’t have iPhones.

I rarely check, but it is useful. After that car crash in Wales where they were all missing for days, I wondered why not a single one had location sharing enabled 😔

Mutabiliss · 13/03/2023 10:29

I would absolutely hate it, but I have an ex who got quite stalkery and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I like being able to disappear!

I can see it would be handy but it's not for me.

BatFaceOwl · 13/03/2023 10:30

Wouldn't have it in a million years. Happily married and we trust each other implicitly but I don't want my husband being able to see where I am and vice versa. For no reason other than I don't wish to 'track' anyone and in years of marriage, have never had a need to

Im my own person, not somebody's dog.

Schmutter · 13/03/2023 10:31

I can’t see why you wouldn’t. It’s really handy.

Hotpinkangel19 · 13/03/2023 10:32

We have it, it's really useful

Shoxfordian · 13/03/2023 10:32

I would never do this; I’d find it a total invasion of privacy

Wishawisha · 13/03/2023 10:33

I find it really useful.

I lose my phone around the house all the fine so DH can go to Find My Phone and get mine to ring. He’s lost his outside the home a few times and we’ve managed to track down easily. I guess we could log in via our own individual Apple IDs on a different device but it’s just simpler.

I like to be able to check how close he is to home if I’m starting bedtime and want to see if he’ll be home in time to take one DC. I have no problem him checking whether I’m on my way back if I’ve gone out somewhere.

Seriously79 · 13/03/2023 10:33

DH travels a lot with work. I find it handy to see if he's local, if he is I know he will do nursery pick up and I don't have to rush home.

There was a really bad accident on the motorway a few weeks ago and it was closed for hours. I felt reassured knowing that DH wasn't stuck in in effected by it.

We both have it. And it's on my DS phone too, he has recently started riding to the gym, and I like to know he's got there safe.

GenuinelyDone · 13/03/2023 10:34

My husband hates the idea so we don't share with each other. But my eldest likes having the 2 way security. She checks me more than I check her I suspect (I go running a lot) but it does feel like a mini safety net.

MissDollyMix · 13/03/2023 10:35

We do. It's absolutely nothing to do with trust and totally to do with 'what time will you be home for tea?' It's reassuring that if one of us looses our phone the other can help locate it quickly.

Mortimercat · 13/03/2023 10:36

ClareBlue · 13/03/2023 10:28

You aren’t forced to watch it the whole time. I mean obviously if you don’t want it then don’t switch it on. But as myself and other posters have mentioned, it has its uses and it being available doesn’t mean we are constantly monitoring it.

ThatsNiceVeryNice · 13/03/2023 10:36

We don't have it on. I message or phone if needed.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 13/03/2023 10:37

I'm guilty of checking my husbands location from time to time. He cycles so it gives me a good idea as to when he is likely to show up. It's also reassuring to know I can find him if he's been run off the road. He has before so it reassures us both.
But I do sometimes check if he's out for the evening after work. I could just text him to say what train is he getting home on but he's full of good intentions and if he's clearly still in the pub I will say I'm off to bed and he'll need to get a cab from the station. Possibly stalkerish?

I also wonder about those poor families from the 5 in the car crash. If even one person in the car had it switched on the outcome might have been different for some of them.

FeebasAquarium · 13/03/2023 10:38

We’ve got the iPhone one as a family which is fine (for us) mostly it’s handy to see when people are on the way home. The dc know how to turn it off (they’ve adjusted it at times so their siblings can’t find them) but don’t seem too bothered so far.
My bil had an android one shared with my sister and he’d get notifications if she went into shops etc also she didn’t like it which is the important bit. It also clocked speeds they were doing. That one did seem a lot more intrusive, it may have been the setting they picked but it was more like spyware.
Ultimately it should be what you feel comfortable with.

Enufsaid · 13/03/2023 10:39

I do with my children but that’s because they are not adults. My partner and I have decided not to. We need our autonomy and that involves privacy though we totally trust each other. We don’t want to become big brother

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