Page 10 | To NOT want DH and I to see our respective locations on Find my iPhone?

Thisismenow2 · 2023-03-13T10:17:52+00:00

I have always been able to see DH’s location on Find my iPhone (although I rarely bother looking - only if he running late for dinner!) and he’s able to see mine. It’s not that I want to get up to anything untoward but I just think it would be better if we couldn’t see each other’s locations. AIBU to think most partners DON’T share their locations?

Pandor · 13/03/2023 17:13

It’s a little bit like if you choose to sleep naked, and then a stranger starts freaking out about how that means your partner might see you naked while you’re asleep and that it is really unhealthy for them to have this entitlement to see you naked all night long whenever they feel like it, it is just creepy so you should cover yourself up!

Your answer to that might well be - I have zero fucks to give, in our relationship that level of “exposure”, or that lack of “privacy” between us is absolutely normal and comfortable and doesn’t even register as a thing.

Now if you thought that there was anything weird going on in your relationship you might quickly change your mind on that (and re-examine whether you want to stay married to that person, let alone sleep in the same bed).

But in the absence of any hint of weirdness, it is just a thing you both do without giving it a moments thought.

Winemygoodenemy · 13/03/2023 17:20

I would hate it. No trust issues and I live a boring life. I have shared my location via WhatsApp so he can see when I will be due home. Him too. But day to day. No need. We just call or text to say when we will be home

fionamadcat · 13/03/2023 17:23

We have it, dh and I share but don’t often check. Dd asked if she could share location with us while she was backpacking in Europe over the summer. She doesn’t share location with us now unless she borrows my car (as an inexperienced driver it makes her feel happier if we can see where she is if needed)

lastapache · 13/03/2023 17:31

Ah look. Some people have the type of relationships where they share everything. Joint account for all expenses, they know exactly how much was spent on their Christmas or birthday present, share locations and tell each other absolutely everything. They'd be happy for their partner to read their diary, because there would be nothing in it that they would not have told their partner already that day.

I don't have that relationship. Would I want it? Em - I dunno. Maybe it's a nice thing to have? I just don't think my personality suits it.

I occasionally take the day off work. I pretend I'm going to work, go for breakfast by myself, do a bit of shopping, and go to the cinema by myself to watch something that isn't a Marvel film or might be in another language. I don't tell my DH. If I did, he would take the day off too, and would want to spend the day doing odd jobs around the house. Like, just, no. (I do love him, just as an aside).

Half the attraction of the day off is that this is just for me - I don't have to tell anyone where I'm going or where I have been. I love it. It recharges the batteries before I'm back having every second of time scheduled out between my DH and my kids.

Clearly, I couldn't do that if I had location services on. And I don't want to toggle it on and off - as I think that looks more dodgy.

That all said, I'm probably not a very trustworthy person. 😀I owe about €1k on my credit card (DH doesn't know I have one) and always dip into my overdraft. My husband likely has his childhood saving account still. We have two joint accounts but have our own accounts too.

VioletaDelValle · 13/03/2023 17:49

lastapache · 13/03/2023 17:31

Ah look. Some people have the type of relationships where they share everything. Joint account for all expenses, they know exactly how much was spent on their Christmas or birthday present, share locations and tell each other absolutely everything. They'd be happy for their partner to read their diary, because there would be nothing in it that they would not have told their partner already that day.

I don't have that relationship. Would I want it? Em - I dunno. Maybe it's a nice thing to have? I just don't think my personality suits it.

I occasionally take the day off work. I pretend I'm going to work, go for breakfast by myself, do a bit of shopping, and go to the cinema by myself to watch something that isn't a Marvel film or might be in another language. I don't tell my DH. If I did, he would take the day off too, and would want to spend the day doing odd jobs around the house. Like, just, no. (I do love him, just as an aside).

Half the attraction of the day off is that this is just for me - I don't have to tell anyone where I'm going or where I have been. I love it. It recharges the batteries before I'm back having every second of time scheduled out between my DH and my kids.

Clearly, I couldn't do that if I had location services on. And I don't want to toggle it on and off - as I think that looks more dodgy.

That all said, I'm probably not a very trustworthy person. 😀I owe about €1k on my credit card (DH doesn't know I have one) and always dip into my overdraft. My husband likely has his childhood saving account still. We have two joint accounts but have our own accounts too.

There are also relationships that are in the middle too though. It doesn't have to be one extreme or the other.

Your reason for not wanting to share your location is because you are lying to your husband....

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 17:53

Your reason for not wanting to share your location is because you are lying to your husband....-

She isn’t! She is taking an annual leave day. Jesus! It’s called independence!

I don’t know whether to feel sorry for those who have the need to track their partners or tell them to grow up.

VioletaDelValle · 13/03/2023 17:59

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 17:53

Your reason for not wanting to share your location is because you are lying to your husband....-

She isn’t! She is taking an annual leave day. Jesus! It’s called independence!

I don’t know whether to feel sorry for those who have the need to track their partners or tell them to grow up.

She pretends to go to work.......what is that if it's not lying?

You can be independent and honest! When I want a day to myself I just tell my DH that's what I'm doing and vice versa. I don't lie and pretend I'm going to work.

If you can't communicate and be honest with your partner then you have bigger problems than those who choose to share their location.

ScrubName19 · 13/03/2023 18:01

I wouldn't these days allow it as standard in a relationship (partner), yet I'd be happy for my parents, siblings, and kids to have my location. Don't currently bother as kids so young etc.

My ex and I used to share locations I was never going anywhere 'I shouldn't' but was feeling very watched. Whereas he was always turning his off so I couldn't see. If I ever dared turn mine off I was shagging half the town in his eyes but if his was off it was a software glitch, i was awful for checking up on him etc. It was another way of him controlling me. I don't want to give anyone that ability again.

FYI you can share location via whats app and Google maps for a limited period e.g. 1 hour or whatever if you are going for a run. I've done this with friends when I'm on my way to theirs (hours of drive away) so they can see if I've been held up in traffic. My mums shared hers when walked home in dark etc. Handy for those that could see a sometimes benefit but didnt want it to be a permanent thing.

lastapache · 13/03/2023 18:07

In fairness she’s right. I am lying to him. I’m okay with it. We’ve been married 13 years and it seems to be working out just fine. I can tell the difference between lying to get a days peace, and, say, pretending to go to work but meeting a male friend for lunch (or worse).

Personally, I like the innocent subterfuge of it. And not having to explain that, no, I don’t want him to go to the French language film with me, because that takes the good out of it. Perhaps it’s a red flag for some underlying issue that I am unaware of. Or maybe it just is what it is, a day off from work/mothering/partnering.

HurryShadow · 13/03/2023 18:11

The only reason I use "Find My" is to locate my airpods when I've dropped them down the back of the bed!

It's useful for my AirTags when we're on holiday too.

Otherwise, I have no contacts on it.

DH and I will share our locations on Whatsapp or Waze when we're travelling, so we know when to expect the other home, but I have no need to see exactly where he is and vice-versa. I can't see why anyone would.

Useful if you've got kids, but to find your own partner seems unnecessary.

VioletaDelValle · 13/03/2023 18:12

lastapache · 13/03/2023 18:07

In fairness she’s right. I am lying to him. I’m okay with it. We’ve been married 13 years and it seems to be working out just fine. I can tell the difference between lying to get a days peace, and, say, pretending to go to work but meeting a male friend for lunch (or worse).

Personally, I like the innocent subterfuge of it. And not having to explain that, no, I don’t want him to go to the French language film with me, because that takes the good out of it. Perhaps it’s a red flag for some underlying issue that I am unaware of. Or maybe it just is what it is, a day off from work/mothering/partnering.

Hey, if it works for you then fine. If I told my DH i was doing something because wanted time to myself he wouldn't try to muscle in on that, he'd leave me to it!

If my DH lied to me about going to work I think I'd start to worry about what else he was lying about but we have a total honesty policy and we chat a LOT so there's no way I could hide what i'd been up to all day as I'd be desperate to tell him about my day!

Polis · 13/03/2023 18:14

We share locations. There’s no downsides for us that I can think of.

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 18:26

lastapache · 13/03/2023 18:07

In fairness she’s right. I am lying to him. I’m okay with it. We’ve been married 13 years and it seems to be working out just fine. I can tell the difference between lying to get a days peace, and, say, pretending to go to work but meeting a male friend for lunch (or worse).

Personally, I like the innocent subterfuge of it. And not having to explain that, no, I don’t want him to go to the French language film with me, because that takes the good out of it. Perhaps it’s a red flag for some underlying issue that I am unaware of. Or maybe it just is what it is, a day off from work/mothering/partnering.

I can identify with this and have done the same in the past. I also have my own bank account as well as a joint one.

I didn’t meet my DH until my mid thirties. By then I had travelled, had my own apt, my job, my savings. Perhaps if we had met when younger, I wouldn’t have gained that independence and would have been more comfortable with giving it up. Instead I cling onto what parts I can including my bank account and privacy. I wouldn’t dream of sharing my location any more than I would share my email passwords.

VioletaDelValle · 13/03/2023 18:42

I can identify with this and have done the same in the past. I also have my own bank account as well as a joint one.

I didn’t meet my DH until my mid thirties. By then I had travelled, had my own apt, my job, my savings. Perhaps if we had met when younger, I wouldn’t have gained that independence and would have been more comfortable with giving it up. Instead I cling onto what parts I can including my bank account and privacy. I wouldn’t dream of sharing my location any more than I would share my email passwords.

We met when I was in my mid 30's and DH was mid 40's and I'm fiercely independent- I travel alone for pleasure and work, i have my own hobbies and interests, my own bank account, savings and investments.

We share our location and I can't imagine lying to my DH about what I've done or where I've been.
I don't think age has anything to do with it.

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 13/03/2023 18:47

God, we know of a guy that went through a stage of leaving the house for work, then sitting in his work van reading the paper until his wife left, going back home and doing nothing all day.

He got found out when his FIL popped in to pick something up (wife had asked him to, and was expecting the house to be empty) and found him napping on the sofa in his dressing gown 🤣

Quite strange all round

gogohmm · 13/03/2023 19:04

I've set dp only last week so I can see where he is after a traffic incident. His car hands free is old without voice recognition so he wanted me to be able to see he's stuck and ring!

LaVitesse2022 · 13/03/2023 19:39

Absolutely not. I find it bizarre that so many people are OK with their partner knowing 24/7 where they are and not seeing an issue with it. It's an invasion of privacy, regardless of it being useful or not. If I need to know when he's going to be home I ask and vice versa.

MrsDrSpencerReid · 13/03/2023 19:56

Have always shared our locations, DH & DC (13 & 16)

None of us have any problem with anyone knowing where we are.

DH is diabetic so he likes knowing I can ‘see’ him incase he has a bad hypo.

DD was once in a situation where she felt unsafe and was able to send me a quick text to ask me to watch her until she got to her friends place.

Everyone’s relationship is different, this is what we do in ours. If it’s not what you do in yours that’s fine too 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oakbeam · 13/03/2023 19:59

I find it bizarre that so many people are OK with their partner knowing 24/7 where they are and not seeing an issue with it.

I dare say there are a fair few people who find it equally bizarre that you are seeing an issue with it.

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 20:27

VioletaDelValle · 13/03/2023 18:42

I can identify with this and have done the same in the past. I also have my own bank account as well as a joint one.

I didn’t meet my DH until my mid thirties. By then I had travelled, had my own apt, my job, my savings. Perhaps if we had met when younger, I wouldn’t have gained that independence and would have been more comfortable with giving it up. Instead I cling onto what parts I can including my bank account and privacy. I wouldn’t dream of sharing my location any more than I would share my email passwords.

We met when I was in my mid 30's and DH was mid 40's and I'm fiercely independent- I travel alone for pleasure and work, i have my own hobbies and interests, my own bank account, savings and investments.

We share our location and I can't imagine lying to my DH about what I've done or where I've been.
I don't think age has anything to do with it.

It isn’t about lying. It’s about not feeling the necessity, because it absolutely is not necessary, to share every single thing or every single place you go in your life or to know about every single thing and every single place your partner, your family, your in laws are doing. I’m not a needy person in that way so I will never see the need to do this. We become who we are as the years progress though and maybe when I’m aged and more dependent on others or in poor health this might come in useful if I forget how to answer my phone although when I’m at that stage, I expect I will also forget the phone itself too! .

Ladyvgc · 13/03/2023 20:33

We only just recently realised we could share our locations with each other! It’s so much easier to see when he will be home rather than ring him. Or to see if he’s left work yet and can grab something from the shop for me! I doubt he’d ever bother tracking me but he knows I’m either at the school, home or Sainsburys 🤣

BigFatLiar · 13/03/2023 20:36

So if its on is it constantly telling you where they are or do you have to look at the app? He doesn't need to know I'm sitting in the chair across from him but I suspect if I go out on my motorbike if I'm late he may want to know I'm not in a ditch somewhere.

Thelnebriati · 13/03/2023 20:37

It obviously suits some people and not others. One problem would be if you're ok with it now, then the relationship deteriorates and you need to remove it, that could cause issues.
It suits me because if I have a fall when I'm, out, I can't always reach my stupid phone.

VioletaDelValle · 13/03/2023 20:38

It isn’t about lying. It’s about not feeling the necessity, because it absolutely is not necessary, to share every single thing or every single place you go in your life or to know about every single thing and every single place your partner, your family, your in laws are doing. I’m not a needy person in that way so I will never see the need to do this. We become who we are as the years progress though and maybe when I’m aged and more dependent on others or in poor health this might come in useful if I forget how to answer my phone although when I’m at that stage, I expect I will also forget the phone itself too! .

If you are saying you're going to work and then do something else then that is lying. Your partner might not be bothered and the intentions mights not be malicious but it's not being honest is it?

Pretty much every one of your responses has included you trying to categorise people in a negative way .... this time it's 'needy'.

Most people who have said they share their location have offered up perfectly reasonable reasons, you might not understand those reasons from your own perspective but it doesn't mean you are better than them.

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 20:49

Well it is needy surely? People said they need to know where their DH is because they want to know what time to have dinner ready. Their DH can’t decide to pop into a shop, stop for a coffee with a friend because presumably their DW will be in a panic if he isn’t home by tine it usually takes him to get home or DW puts on said dinner and it’s spoiled because their DH took an extra thirty mins. I would not like to be under the pressure to get home by a particular time and would much prefer to just send a quick text to say I’ll be home a bit later. Just actual communicate I guess.

I’m trying g to figure out why I have such an issue with it because I really do. Growing up my father liked to know where we were and what time we’d be home. I found it nothing less than suffocating.