Page 3 | To NOT want DH and I to see our respective locations on Find my iPhone?

Thisismenow2 · 2023-03-13T10:17:52+00:00

I have always been able to see DH’s location on Find my iPhone (although I rarely bother looking - only if he running late for dinner!) and he’s able to see mine. It’s not that I want to get up to anything untoward but I just think it would be better if we couldn’t see each other’s locations. AIBU to think most partners DON’T share their locations?

LadyHarmby · 13/03/2023 11:19

This comes up all the time on here.

The answer is that if all parties freely agree and are comfortable with it, then it’s fine and there’s nothing weird or creepy about it.

If someone doesn’t want it, that’s perfectly reasonable and should be respected and no one should be forcing anyone else to have it (exception being a child/teen and even that’s arguable)

User3964870654 · 13/03/2023 11:21

Fortunately DH has an Android and I have an iPhone so we never connect stuff like this

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 11:21

I would find it an invasion of my privacy if DH asked me to show him my exact location at all times. Nor would i
have any interest in knowing DH’s or any other adults exact location.

It’s a useful tool for children and teens who might go missing.

Comefromaway · 13/03/2023 11:22

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/03/2023 11:00

How does this thing work? Does it stalk you and report back to your spouse/partner on a regular basis - or is it just a function that they can access should they need to?

I'm the first to protect my privacy from the government/companies/work on principle - and I find the default 'nothing to hide, nothing to fear' outlook naive and foolish in the extreme; but if you feel the need to actively hide this and remove the possibility from your spouse, I think you have worse issues going on.

It's a function you can access if you need to.

It doesn't send regular reports. You have to click on the app and it brings up a map of where the particular device is. (You can add things like keyring etc tags onto it too.)

HappyAsASandboy · 13/03/2023 11:22

We do share locations, but I can completely see why other might not. It is a marmite situation!

What is tricky here is that you DO share locations and now want to stop. What has changed?

Seeingadistance · 13/03/2023 11:23

ClareBlue · 13/03/2023 10:28

Absolutely not. There is no way that I need to or want to know where my partner or adult children are all the time. I find it quite amazing that people think this is ok. I know I'll get all the safety and convenience messages, but I just find it creepy and wrong. 30 years in my relationship and no trust issues, but I just find this weird.

I agree.

FooFighter99 · 13/03/2023 11:23

DH and I share our locations via Google, predominantly because he rides a motorbike and I like to check he isn't dead in a ditch if ever he's late home from work

We obviously don't have Trust issues

JudgeRudy · 13/03/2023 11:23

moonpixel · 13/03/2023 10:21

Ours are on but we have been married over 20 years with no trust issues so it's caused no problem. DH location is our house, he rarely leaves it (perhaps once a month) so I'm not some psycho stalker. Neither is he btw, but I don't particularly care if he looks to see where I am.

@moonpixel
Genuinely interested, why do you mention trust issues? Do you assume that is you DONT want someone having automatic access to your location you have trust issues? Trust and privacy are very different.

Mammma91 · 13/03/2023 11:24

We both have it. Dp has bloody horrible sense of direction on foot (a bit like me! 🤣) and I once had to do find my iPhone for his phone so I could direct him to the nearest taxi rank on his works night out. I very very rarely check his location though.

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 11:24

I should add that the posters who declare they have it because there are no trust issues baffle me. I think ONLY those with trust/control issues would harp on about the ‘usefulness’ of knowing another adults whereabouts.

It’s the equivalent of putting a tag on someone. Adults are not dogs. They are perfectly capable of contacting you if they want to.

Phos · 13/03/2023 11:25

I have catastrophic anxiety that is mostly under control but it would be reassuring for me if we could do it. Unfortunately as he is Android and I'm iOS it's not quite so simple and I'm not willing to do location sharing on Google Maps so I have to live without it.

CornishGem1975 · 13/03/2023 11:25

We don't share our location. I'd not want anyone to know my every move!

aineoverseas · 13/03/2023 11:26

DH and I could be we don't. It feels intrusive, to us.

lazycats · 13/03/2023 11:27

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 11:24

I should add that the posters who declare they have it because there are no trust issues baffle me. I think ONLY those with trust/control issues would harp on about the ‘usefulness’ of knowing another adults whereabouts.

It’s the equivalent of putting a tag on someone. Adults are not dogs. They are perfectly capable of contacting you if they want to.

Agreed. Turn it on if you want but being happy NOT having it would be a sign of healthy levels of trust, not the other way round.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 13/03/2023 11:28

NeedToChangeName · 13/03/2023 11:17

It's slightly alarming how this sort of thing has become so normalised so quickly. It wasn't that long ago that most people would've reacted to the idea in absolute horror

@gannett I agree with you. Happily married, nothing to hide, no trust issues etc. BUT, if any of that changed, I'd want to be able to go about my business without worrying that my DH could track my whereabouts. People are astonishingly naive that it'll never happen to them

I also worry that, the more people normalise their partner knowing their whereabouts, the harder it will be for people in abusive relationships to protect their privacy. Harder to justify retaining your privacy if your partner insists that everyone else shares their whereabouts with their partner

Same here. Makes me quite uncomfortable how everyone tracks everyone.

Re car crash. Your phone is likely to be smashed or off so... No help.
Re didn't know where I was. That's what location on map is for.

theswoot · 13/03/2023 11:28

DH and I don’t have it on as standard, but will turn it on for an hour, a day or whatever for specific reasons (particular types of travel, out running, out late, that sort of thing). We both have other Apple devices so can find lost phones etc. that way if needed.

Wishawisha · 13/03/2023 11:28

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/03/2023 11:00

How does this thing work? Does it stalk you and report back to your spouse/partner on a regular basis - or is it just a function that they can access should they need to?

I'm the first to protect my privacy from the government/companies/work on principle - and I find the default 'nothing to hide, nothing to fear' outlook naive and foolish in the extreme; but if you feel the need to actively hide this and remove the possibility from your spouse, I think you have worse issues going on.

If I open the app now I can see where DH is. If I don’t open it, it won’t ever tell me randomly where he is.

Personally I find it really useful and I’ve been using it for years but all relationship dynamics are different.

mrstea301 · 13/03/2023 11:29

We do it but generally just in case one of us misplaces our phone or is running late. Or if one is picking the other up and can see the best place to meet or wherever.

I don't think either of us checks much and I very much doubt that if I switched it off my DH would notice / comment.

moonpixel · 13/03/2023 11:30

Genuinely interested, why do you mention trust issues? Do you assume that is you DONT want someone having automatic access to your location you have trust issues? Trust and privacy are very different.

I don't assume anything, just that I don't have any trust issues so therefore that's not the reason ours is on. I wasn't making judgments on anyone else. I do understand the difference between trust and privacy, that's not what I was saying at all.

BackToWorkBacktoReality · 13/03/2023 11:30

I've just checked and I can see my husband's on mine. He must have added himself a few years back when we put the teenagers on there.

I've never checked to see where he is and I've only checked the kids once or twice when they were a bit late and didn't answer their phones.

It's no big deal.

CornishGem1975 · 13/03/2023 11:30

FYI having your location on doesn't actually mean you are there.

Worldgonecrazy · 13/03/2023 11:30

We have it because it’s useful. Adult children also have it as it’s useful when we’re meeting up. it’s not a problem or a big deal, and not seen as an invasion of privacy.

However if such technology has been available during my first marriage, which was abusive, then the reasons for then DH wanting to always know my whereabouts would have been unpleasant.

Only you know your marriage and relationship and whether location sharing comes from a good or bad place.

LanaDelRabies · 13/03/2023 11:31

DH doesn't have a phone.

However he only ever goes to the office (twice a week) and he emails/calls me from there.

If he had a phone I wouldn't mind sharing my location at all. If he wanted to or not would be up to him. But there's not much point because I always know where he is anyway!

That said I do wish he would carry a phone, it does get frustrating if I need to meet him somewhere and one of us is running late or if I'm out and need to contact him.

moonpixel · 13/03/2023 11:31

I should add that the posters who declare they have it because there are no trust issues baffle me.

Sorry to baffle yoy.

I think ONLY those with trust/control issues would harp on about the ‘usefulness’ of knowing another adults whereabouts.

Mine is on the sofa usually so it's not something I ever use.

GBoucher · 13/03/2023 11:31

My husband and I don't. Never occurred to us to do so. It's never come up. To what purpose would one? Those who say it's so they know when someone's going to be home for dinner, why not just call/text and ask?