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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT want DH and I to see our respective locations on Find my iPhone?

260 replies

Thisismenow2 · 13/03/2023 10:17

I have always been able to see DH’s location on Find my iPhone (although I rarely bother looking - only if he running late for dinner!) and he’s able to see mine. It’s not that I want to get up to anything untoward but I just think it would be better if we couldn’t see each other’s locations.

AIBU to think most partners DON’T share their locations?

OP posts:
Elfandwellbeing · 13/03/2023 20:55

i had this on for a while, it caused no end of issues, everywhere I went I was phoned to buy this or that … when the checking up on me started and I deleted it.

Lonelylonelylonely · 13/03/2023 21:09

Neither approach is wrong. If people are happy to share their location, that's fine, but if people don't want to, that's fine too. Where it goes wrong is if one partner expects it and the other feels obliged to go along with something they are not comfortable with.

My ex-h put a tracker on my car (without my knowledge or consent) and used that to get information about where I'd been when we were in the process of splitting up. Consequently I don't want anybody tracking me. He uses life 360 with the DC and when we split the DC asked me to put it on my phone. I won't do that because I don't know whether or not ex-h will get that information and abuse it.

If I need someone to know where I am I might share my location with them via WhatsApp or FB messenger temporarily, but no way will I put up with being tracked again.

VioletaDelValle · 13/03/2023 21:09

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 20:49

Well it is needy surely? People said they need to know where their DH is because they want to know what time to have dinner ready. Their DH can’t decide to pop into a shop, stop for a coffee with a friend because presumably their DW will be in a panic if he isn’t home by tine it usually takes him to get home or DW puts on said dinner and it’s spoiled because their DH took an extra thirty mins. I would not like to be under the pressure to get home by a particular time and would much prefer to just send a quick text to say I’ll be home a bit later. Just actual communicate I guess.

I’m trying g to figure out why I have such an issue with it because I really do. Growing up my father liked to know where we were and what time we’d be home. I found it nothing less than suffocating.

That's not necessarily needy, for some that's just a very practical use. It might not suit you or your relationship but it doesn't necessarily mean it's needy.
I'm not sure anyone has said they want to know their partner's location ALL of the time have they? It's just there for occasional use.

We started using life 360 when I started to travel internationally for work. Often I'm on my own travelling around India or China getting multiple flights and it's reassuring that DH can see where I am. We kept it but we don't monitor it constantly.
I don't see that as needy.

Polis · 13/03/2023 21:30

I would not like to be under the pressure to get home by a particular time and would much prefer to just send a quick text to say I’ll be home a bit later.

Having location sharing turned on doesn’t stop you sending a text. If I am going to be unusually late, or early, I often send a text to say so.

namechangeforthisbleep · 14/03/2023 06:25

We don't but I send mine a lot to him. He always knows where I am; I think that's fair given we have kids and I can't think of a single time I would need to hide my whereabouts

Phoebo · 14/03/2023 06:28

I can see it would be handy, but it's not necessary. It doesn't really bother me either way, but then it also seems intrusive but equally I have nothing to hide.

Dawny221 · 14/03/2023 08:17

we use it. I use it to keep and eye on where my daughter is. She’s 9 and has started walking to and from school on her own. I like to see when DP is on his way home too so I can time dinner.
I share my location with him in case I’m abducted during one of my countryside runs. 🤣

LaVitesse2022 · 14/03/2023 09:26

Polis · 13/03/2023 21:30

I would not like to be under the pressure to get home by a particular time and would much prefer to just send a quick text to say I’ll be home a bit later.

Having location sharing turned on doesn’t stop you sending a text. If I am going to be unusually late, or early, I often send a text to say so.

Why not send a text in the first place then if you need to know when partner is going to be home rather than assume the time based on his location?

That's what baffles me. Surely if you want info on your partners whereabouts, ETA you ask him. That's what true communication is about. Like others have said, I'd find it suffocating knowing that my partner could see where I am at any time and assume I'd be home by a specific time based on that. And the excuse that you only look occasionally is a poor one; if you have the option of looking whenever you want it's like being watched all the time because you never know when the other person is looking. It's not about having a need to hide my whereabouts - my life is not that interesting - it's the principle. If he wants to know where I am, when I'll be home, he asks me. And vice versa.

Polis · 14/03/2023 10:28

Why not send a text in the first place then if you need to know when partner is going to be home rather than assume the time based on his location?

I usually do. However, my commute is quite long and subject to all sorts of delays. If I’m not home when I say I am going to be, location sharing means that my husband can see at a glance whether I am stuck a mile from work or a mile from home. In theory anyway, as poor mobile coverage does mean that can take a while to update.

And the excuse that you only look occasionally is a poor one; if you have the option of looking whenever you want it's like being watched all the time because you never know when the other person is looking.

So what? I personally don’t have a problem with that. If I did, I wouldn’t share my location. It isn’t compulsory.

Comefromaway · 14/03/2023 11:35

My husband drives long distances home. If I send a text he won't see it and certainly can't legally reply to it.

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