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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT want DH and I to see our respective locations on Find my iPhone?

260 replies

Thisismenow2 · 13/03/2023 10:17

I have always been able to see DH’s location on Find my iPhone (although I rarely bother looking - only if he running late for dinner!) and he’s able to see mine. It’s not that I want to get up to anything untoward but I just think it would be better if we couldn’t see each other’s locations.

AIBU to think most partners DON’T share their locations?

OP posts:
lastnightidreamtiwenttomandaloreagain · 13/03/2023 11:48

We share locations with each other (iPhone family sharing) but rarely actually look. DH spends large parts of the year working on his own in potentially hazardous environments so it's a bit of peace of mind for me that if I can't get hold of him I'd be able to check where he is.

TheOverlord · 13/03/2023 11:48

PhillySub · 13/03/2023 11:46

He doesn't have to go to find my phone, he can just ring your number.😁

Show quote history

And if you’ve dropped your phone, have been pickpocketed or have been kidnapped then phoning you is going to really help a lot 🙄

LadyHarmby · 13/03/2023 11:49

The ‘trust’ issue is a red herring because it works both ways. It’s either ‘We trust each other so we don’t need to know where the other is all the time’ OR ‘We trust each other so we don’t need to hide where we are and what we’re doing’

So it’s really about privacy isn’t it?

VioletaDelValle · 13/03/2023 11:49

These threads pop up about once a month and they always got the same way......

We use the 360 app, we used it when I started travelling alone for work and I was travelling to places like India, Bangladesh, China on my own so it offered some reassurance plus DS liked being able to see where I was on a map.

We've kept using it as we've found it useful. It has nothing to do with trust.

I'm also in a 360 'circle' with friends as we travel as a large group regularly and we've found it useful.

Botw1 · 13/03/2023 11:50

@Mortimercat

Because life doesn't revolve around him

If I'm the 1 making dinner, I make it to suit the people in the house.

Dh can heat his up or see to himself

housemaus · 13/03/2023 11:50

GBoucher · 13/03/2023 11:31

My husband and I don't. Never occurred to us to do so. It's never come up. To what purpose would one? Those who say it's so they know when someone's going to be home for dinner, why not just call/text and ask?

This. We've never even discussed it, I don't know why we would - we've never had issue knowing when the other was going to be home for tea because we'd just call to ask, so it's not a problem we've needed to solve.

If DH did ask, I'd say no. I don't see the use of it, bar worst case scenarios.

America12 · 13/03/2023 11:50

Wouldn't bother me. We don't have it though.

User3964870654 · 13/03/2023 11:51

Because DH uses Android and Microsoft and I use Apple this has never cropped up as all our online and phone stuff is completely separate, he wouldn't have a clue that Find my iPhone even existed.

QuizzlyBears · 13/03/2023 11:51

This is the thing, the location sharing and it’s purpose/individual thoughts about it provide a perspective on the relationship as a whole. If your partner is messaging asking why you were at X when they thought you were at Y then that’s indicative of a wider issue of control. Location sharing is not stalking - unless it’s used for that purpose by individuals who have these elements within their relationship, and then yes, it’s a worry absolutely.

We have it on - as many people have said, for safety and an added level of helping to find my phone largely. I just looked and the last time I refreshed it to ‘see’ my partner’s location was the start of Feb, so it’s not like I’m sat here daily watching them drive around town.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 13/03/2023 11:51

And if you’ve dropped your phone, have been pickpocketed or have been kidnapped then phoning you is going to really help a lot 🙄

Well the latter two... Tracking doesn't help either

TallulahBetty · 13/03/2023 11:52

We do because we all have Life360 so we can 'track' DD. Never an issue for us.

NKFell · 13/03/2023 11:52

So far the results seem to be that most people do. I don't really see a problem either way, I use Life 360 with my DC and two of my sisters. I wouldn't mind a partner being part of it, but I wouldn't be offended if they didn't want it.

I don't judge these things either way.

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/03/2023 11:54

Quite happy sharing mine. We both travel a lot. Its useful

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 13/03/2023 11:56

I share mine with my partner, 2 sisters and my teenage niece.

Can't say I check it religiously, but it's handy to be able to if I want to.

we both regularly go away and it's nice to have for the travel side of things - we like to know the other has arrived safely.

It's nothing to do with trust - he wouldn't have to be at an unexpected location to be getting his end away with someone else 🤣

thatheavyperson · 13/03/2023 11:57

We've always used it, but to each their own.

The main use we get out of it is my husband using the "play sound" function, as my phone is normally on silent and I misplace it about 100 times a day Grin

Botw1 · 13/03/2023 11:58

I find tracking dhs weird enough but extended family?

Totally bizarre

BashfulClam · 13/03/2023 11:59

I got called crazy and controlling when
i said at work my husband and I have it. He used to have a really long commute and I would check how far he was from home to get dinner started or if he’d made it safe to where he was going. I also used to get picked up one night a week and I could just check if he was nearby before going and standing in the rain.

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/03/2023 12:00

There does seem to be a direct correlation between those who don't use this tech and the use of lashings of hyperbole to say why.

Pastadanca · 13/03/2023 12:00

As long as you're both happy then that's all that matters! I'd hate it, can't articulate why but just don't like the thought of it even though I don't get up to anything deviant- that's also fine. Its only an issue if someone is doing it without the others consent or they object to it but the other person persists anyway.

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 12:01

It’s real use is satisfying those wanting to know the location of their spouse rather than needing to know.

If anybody really needed to know something urgently, they’d pick ip
the phone or text.

Nobody needs to see the location of another person unless they are in the vulnerable category.

Botw1 · 13/03/2023 12:01

@MajorCarolDanvers

I was just thinking the exact opposite

The justifications for using it are always nonsense

😂

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 12:03

Botw1 · 13/03/2023 11:58

I find tracking dhs weird enough but extended family?

Totally bizarre

Presumably only families who are overly involved in each others lives use this.

I would HATE my sister to know exactly where I was at any time. It’s weird.

EezyOozy · 13/03/2023 12:04

We both have it, mostly in case one of us loses our phone which happens on a daily basis

astarsheis · 13/03/2023 12:04

I dont like it either and have not enabled it on my phone. I hate the fact that these days everybody knows what people are doing.
This is not down to trust issues...we've been together nearly 40 years.
On the other hand when I'm out on my bike and have an accident my Garmin will alert him that there has been an emergency.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 13/03/2023 12:04

It would totally ruined my teenage adventures if my parents had this😁

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