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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would your husband go to work in this situation?

208 replies

Cantcookhavetocook · 13/03/2023 04:49

I think I know the answer but just wondering really…

We’ve got a 3 month old and an almost 3-year-old. The older one had major sickness and diarrhoea on Friday night/ Saturday morning and it has now passed to me, so I started being sick and having diarrhoea last night (Sunday night) around 8pm and had my latest bout of vomiting about half an hour ago (04:00 Monday morning). The baby is EBF and having a very restless night so I’ve been up a lot with him, and changing his nappy has made me sick so I’ve had to do that into a bucket (lovely).

My husband starts a new job today, sort of within the same organisation but a promotion and a different team which he will lead. He usually WFH most days but was planning to go to site to kick things off today (Monday), leaving at 05:45 and back home around 19:00. He says he has felt queasy all night but hasn’t been sick or anything. It was also him dealing with the older one when she was poorly as I was downstairs with the baby.

It’s going to be such a hard day with both kids (we also have 2 dogs and 2 cats) but I understand he wouldn’t want to start off badly in his new role. I guess it’s just one day and the littlun was much better after about 16 hours. I am worried about symptoms starting in the baby, though, and life with two children is already tricky as among other reasons our kitchen is downstairs and bathroom
upstairs (doesn’t sound much but it is a lot of hassle up and down stairs, opening and closing baby gates, making sure the children are never left alone etc).

I am just wondering, would your husband still go out to work in this situation? I haven’t said anything but I was sort of hoping he wouldn’t- but I get why he is. Hope this makes sense!

OP posts:
SummerHolidaysAgain · 13/03/2023 18:38

How are you doing @Cantcookhavetocook ?

I think we’ve all got so carried away in Discussing what your DH should or shouldn’t do (me included!) that we’ve forgotten that you’ve been home alone poorly with poorly kids.

Hope you are ok.

Original poster
Cantcookhavetocook · 13/03/2023 18:46

SummerHolidaysAgain · 13/03/2023 18:38

How are you doing @Cantcookhavetocook ?

I think we’ve all got so carried away in Discussing what your DH should or shouldn’t do (me included!) that we’ve forgotten that you’ve been home alone poorly with poorly kids.

Hope you are ok.

Thanks so much for asking, I’m ok. It’s been a very rough day but nearly over now.

OP posts:
SummerHolidaysAgain · 13/03/2023 19:17

Cantcookhavetocook · 13/03/2023 18:46

Thanks so much for asking, I’m ok. It’s been a very rough day but nearly over now.

Show quote history

Glad you got through it. Hope you are all feeling better tomorrow x

LindorDoubleChoc · 13/03/2023 19:23

My workaholic husband absolutely would although I would have argued with him strongly not to go for the sake of his colleagues!

Your DH was feeling queasy with a D&V bug afflicting two people in your house. He is/was obviously a carrier and about to go down with it!

What is it with proud men and presenteeism?

gotmychristmasmiracle · 13/03/2023 19:25

Ah hope the day went quickly for you! My other half usually goes in and in the evening he is very ill and takes the next few days off in bed whilst I am still trying to recover and slog my guts out to keep the family functioning. Mamas never get a sick day with little ones 💐

Vloader23 · 13/03/2023 19:30

IF he wasn't coming down with symptoms himself then yes in those circumstances he should go in.

He should NOT go in with possible D&V and I can't imagine why he is risking this as I can't think of anything worse than being caught out with that at work

LindorDoubleChoc · 13/03/2023 19:30

Do adults honestly randomly feel sick (as in likely to vomit) without that being a sure sign that they are ill or pregnant?

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 13/03/2023 19:50

LindorDoubleChoc · 13/03/2023 19:30

Do adults honestly randomly feel sick (as in likely to vomit) without that being a sure sign that they are ill or pregnant?

All the time.
If I have a big presentation at work - feel sick.
First day of new job - feel sick
Interviewing people or being interviewed - feel sick
Had too much for lunch - feel sick
Too much acidic food = acid reflux - feel sick
Not slept well - feel sick
Hungover - feel sick
Chocolate for breakfast - feel sick
Period due - feel sick, I can never stomach lunch for like 3 days before.

JMSA · 13/03/2023 19:51

Given the circumstances, you absolutely couldn't reasonably expect him to stay home.

Hbh17 · 13/03/2023 20:04

Of course he would and I would make sure he went! He really can't miss the first day in a new job.

WeWereInParis · 13/03/2023 20:04

LindorDoubleChoc · 13/03/2023 19:30

Do adults honestly randomly feel sick (as in likely to vomit) without that being a sure sign that they are ill or pregnant?

Even if they do, if you have multiple people in your household throwing up with a stomach bug, (including a young child who presumably needed more close care while ill) it's pretty likely that if you feel sick it's due to the bug and not some other random cause.
I wouldn't advocate staying home generally if you felt a bit sick, but when the cause is highly likely to be a contagious bug it's a bit difference.

As an aside, OP why were you throwing up into a bucket while changing a nappy at night?? Regardless of whether he was going in to work or not, I'd have woken DH for that. He can change the nappy while I vomit elsewhere! I'd have had DH bring me the baby to breastfeed, but leave everything else (nappy, settling back to sleep etc) to him if I was actively vomiting.

Abraxan · 14/03/2023 08:26

LindorDoubleChoc · 13/03/2023 19:30

Do adults honestly randomly feel sick (as in likely to vomit) without that being a sure sign that they are ill or pregnant?

People often do for a range of reasons.

If others in the house are being sick then you may feel queasy just from the smell, noises, etc around you. But actually be fine.

There are lots of reasons sieve might feel a bit nauseous but it not actually mean you're sick, and it just passes.

Bleachmycloths · 14/03/2023 17:54

A new job/promotion means he should go in. The long term repercussions could be negative. Family should come first mostly but sometimes work really needs to be a priority. Bite the bullet and battle on. Maybe a fri ed or family member could help? Get well soon.

JubileeQueen123 · 14/03/2023 17:59

If it was me, I would go to work. Husband in this situation would also definitely go to work.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 14/03/2023 18:13

Mine would go 100%.
so would I if roles were reversed.
mine have just had this bug - it does seem to be a 24hr thing. Just crack on, lots of single parents have to do it.

CryptoQueen · 14/03/2023 18:36

He would. So would I if the positions were reversed.

whynotwhatknot · 14/03/2023 18:37

lovely of him to potentially give everyone your bug

if theres no need to go in he shouldnt

mylifestory · 14/03/2023 18:53

He shdnt go in on he will likely have it too.
If that wasn't an issue he shd go in, ull all live

CantFindMyMarbles · 14/03/2023 19:51

I’d have put my big girl pants on and got in with it. Yes, it’s tough…but…crack on!
definitely wouldn’t be asking him to stay home….especially in the first day of a new promotion

Biilie82 · 14/03/2023 20:49

Would you go if the roles were completely reversed? If you would do the same as him then it sounds like it’s fairly equal and right for your family

Hmm1234 · 14/03/2023 21:33

He really SHOULD go to work on his first day of a new role, he is funding your sahm lifestyle YABU. Can you not ask immediate family to help out at the house if everyone is sick

MulletAndMustache · 14/03/2023 21:36

Hmm1234 · 14/03/2023 21:33

He really SHOULD go to work on his first day of a new role, he is funding your sahm lifestyle YABU. Can you not ask immediate family to help out at the house if everyone is sick

🙄

mediumbrownmug · 14/03/2023 22:11

Mine would stay, but I have a health condition that means when I get sick I get very sick, to the point where it would be difficult for me to cope (as in, touch and go whether I needed to be hospitalized). He’d want to stay. That said, unless there’s an underlying health condition I’d absolutely expect him to go unless he was unwell. He probably wouldn’t go if he thought he was coming down with it though.

CelestiaNoctis · 14/03/2023 23:48

No because he'd spread it. He should drop a message saying there's sickness about so he's gonna wait for it to pass so he doesn't spread it around. Isn't that what working from home originally became more popular from, not spreading sickness. Or have we already forgotten that.

RachaelN · 15/03/2023 08:39

Try and get through the day. It's definitely a difficult situation. It's going to be all sorts of horrible but I promise you will get through it.
I have been in a very similar situation when mine were very little and their dad had to go to work. No family near by to help. 3 days of hell but it all got better.

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