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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would your husband go to work in this situation?

208 replies

Cantcookhavetocook · 13/03/2023 04:49

I think I know the answer but just wondering really…

We’ve got a 3 month old and an almost 3-year-old. The older one had major sickness and diarrhoea on Friday night/ Saturday morning and it has now passed to me, so I started being sick and having diarrhoea last night (Sunday night) around 8pm and had my latest bout of vomiting about half an hour ago (04:00 Monday morning). The baby is EBF and having a very restless night so I’ve been up a lot with him, and changing his nappy has made me sick so I’ve had to do that into a bucket (lovely).

My husband starts a new job today, sort of within the same organisation but a promotion and a different team which he will lead. He usually WFH most days but was planning to go to site to kick things off today (Monday), leaving at 05:45 and back home around 19:00. He says he has felt queasy all night but hasn’t been sick or anything. It was also him dealing with the older one when she was poorly as I was downstairs with the baby.

It’s going to be such a hard day with both kids (we also have 2 dogs and 2 cats) but I understand he wouldn’t want to start off badly in his new role. I guess it’s just one day and the littlun was much better after about 16 hours. I am worried about symptoms starting in the baby, though, and life with two children is already tricky as among other reasons our kitchen is downstairs and bathroom
upstairs (doesn’t sound much but it is a lot of hassle up and down stairs, opening and closing baby gates, making sure the children are never left alone etc).

I am just wondering, would your husband still go out to work in this situation? I haven’t said anything but I was sort of hoping he wouldn’t- but I get why he is. Hope this makes sense!

OP posts:
Megifer · 13/03/2023 10:48

I once dodged noro (d&v bit) from the entire family and only felt a bit tired and slightly green, are people honestly saying I should have stayed off work?

I have a headache today, it might be covid, or it might just be a headache, should I be off today?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 13/03/2023 10:54

It's not pathetic to need help. Once when both DH and I were so ill we genuinely couldn't get out of bed, we hired a nanny for a day. It was awful.

In answer to your question - I personally had to call in sick the first day of a new role with a new manager, I was so sick it was awful. Just after Xmas, I'd had two weeks off and been unwell for about 10 days already. I remember taking a walk about a 1/4 mile and almost crying thinking I was too exhausted to get back! I probably would have called in in his circs as well as I wouldn't want to pass noro round an entire building.

Genuinely not sure if I would have stayed because the children and partner were unwell. Situation has never arisen!

stopbeeping · 13/03/2023 10:58

Yes he would go
Yes I would cope
No it wouldn't be easy
No I wouldn't be mad
(You shouldn't either)

All of you grt into bed watch tv and just rest
Bring bowls up for being sick in and a tray with snacks
Hope you feel better soo.

stopbeeping · 13/03/2023 10:59

Ahh I didn't see he felt sick

Mine wouldn't go in case he made others sick

But this is a difficult scenario it's his first day

ObamaLlamas · 13/03/2023 11:49

Megifer · 13/03/2023 10:48

I once dodged noro (d&v bit) from the entire family and only felt a bit tired and slightly green, are people honestly saying I should have stayed off work?

I have a headache today, it might be covid, or it might just be a headache, should I be off today?

Thats different, if your whole house has covid and you develop symptoms as is the case in this sick bug scenario then YABU and selfish. Just because you dodged the D&V part doesn't mean you didn't pass it onto someone else who can't fight it so well. Selfish selfish selfish.

Throwncrumbs · 13/03/2023 12:13

Lots of people have two or more kids, lots of people have a kitchen down stairs and a bathroom up stairs, lots of people have illness and have to go to work because they don’t have the option of wfh, lots of people have pets…you just have to get on with it really …as lots of other people do every single day !

Throwncrumbs · 13/03/2023 12:16

Remember a post recently about someone having a +covid test and we’re about to go on a flight…everyone saying it doesn’t matter now, you don’t have to test, just go on the flight….funny how that wasn’t seen as selfish but going to work and MAYBE having a bug is selfish. So much double standards on this site it’s pathetic!

Dumpruntime · 13/03/2023 12:18

Both of us would go in in this situation, new job, team waiting to meet him, yup. We would both be there

KarmaStar · 13/03/2023 12:28

As he is already known within the company,would it not be better to schedule a zoom meeting with his new team,explain about the illness and that he will be WFH and available,with a proper team meeting on Wednesday ?
Am sure then his new team will be pleased he hasn't infected them but has shown his face so to speak.
Hope you are all much better soon.🌈

Murphyturphy · 13/03/2023 12:39

Dumpruntime · 13/03/2023 12:18

Both of us would go in in this situation, new job, team waiting to meet him, yup. We would both be there

With D&V? You’d go to work and potentially bring your entire team down?

CatJumperTwat · 13/03/2023 12:40

He doesn't have D&V. He felt a bit queasy.

Megifer · 13/03/2023 12:59

ObamaLlamas · 13/03/2023 11:49

Thats different, if your whole house has covid and you develop symptoms as is the case in this sick bug scenario then YABU and selfish. Just because you dodged the D&V part doesn't mean you didn't pass it onto someone else who can't fight it so well. Selfish selfish selfish.

Show quote history

I don't know if the house has covid, haven't tested. DP feels a bit grim, as does DS1, but were all fine to carry on, so we are doing.

I felt fine to be in work when the house had d&v. I had a different meal to them the night before so could have been that. I can't go taking sick days if I'm not sick 🤣 not sure what's selfish about that but I'm ok with people having that opinion.

(Not that I'd go around telling people in work, so they'd be none the wiser anyway).

FourFour · 13/03/2023 13:29

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/03/2023 05:46

It's his first day. Of course he should go in.

You're just going to have to battle through today. It's one day.

(Not sure why having two cats and dogs has anything to do with the situation; that's your choice!)

Agree, you're at home and it will be tough but you just need to crack on. He saw to the older one last night so probably just as exhausted and has a long day too, given those hours. Just do the basics, whatever it takes to survive the day and it will pass. My dh would have wanted to stay home but given that it is an important day I would have made him go in.

Abraxan · 13/03/2023 13:53

MerryHen · 13/03/2023 06:30

I'm surprised at the number of people saying they'd go into work with possible D&V. If he's feeling queasy it sounds as though he could be coming down with the same bug. Norovirus cases are high at the moment. Hope you and your DC are feeling better soon OP.

But you can't stay if with with 'possible' illness in most jobs. If he was being sick then it's different. But he could just feel a bit queasy as he is surrounded by the sights and smell at home, and it not actually be anything to do with his own health.

Abraxan · 13/03/2023 15:38

With D&V? You’d go to work and potentially bring your entire team down?

He hasn't been sick.
He doesn't have diarrhoea.
Most people can't just not turn up to work because they feel a bit queasy, even if they've been in contact with DV, especially on his first day of a new job.
It doesn't really matter if it's the same company to me, it's still a new job, a new team, etc

ObamaLlamas · 13/03/2023 16:07

Megifer · 13/03/2023 12:59

I don't know if the house has covid, haven't tested. DP feels a bit grim, as does DS1, but were all fine to carry on, so we are doing.

I felt fine to be in work when the house had d&v. I had a different meal to them the night before so could have been that. I can't go taking sick days if I'm not sick 🤣 not sure what's selfish about that but I'm ok with people having that opinion.

(Not that I'd go around telling people in work, so they'd be none the wiser anyway).

Show quote history

Excuse the irony but people like you make me sick 'I wouldn't tell anyone at work they'd be none the wiser' so you spreading it around the office is fine as long as no one knows its you
He feels sick, that's a symptom of norovirus. He needs to stay home. Different if you just have a sniffly nose or whatever but norovirus is an awful thing to inflict on anyone else unless you absolutely have to. He didn't need to take a sick day - he can work from home.

Stompythedinosaur · 13/03/2023 16:10

On the first day of a new job I would definitely expect him to go in. It sets a bad tone not to.

Megifer · 13/03/2023 16:50

ObamaLlamas · 13/03/2023 16:07

Excuse the irony but people like you make me sick 'I wouldn't tell anyone at work they'd be none the wiser' so you spreading it around the office is fine as long as no one knows its you
He feels sick, that's a symptom of norovirus. He needs to stay home. Different if you just have a sniffly nose or whatever but norovirus is an awful thing to inflict on anyone else unless you absolutely have to. He didn't need to take a sick day - he can work from home.

Show quote history

I just don't generally tell others that people in my house have had the shits or a cold or whatever. It just doesn't come up in conversation Confused I wouldn't deliberately hide it because I think people would moan (although I probs will now just in case I do get moaned at for being in work when I'm fine 😬)

I know this was about ops DH situation specifically, but a lot of comnents are around people generally not going in when they have been exposed to noro. A lot of people can't wfh, or have to be in a certain number of days and get the arse if they don't meet that number. There's just simply no way some can afford to be off sick when they aren't sick, or ask to wfh if they aren't sick themselves.

MoreSleepPleasee · 13/03/2023 17:10

Day 1 of a new job. He should definitely go in.

ObamaLlamas · 13/03/2023 17:11

Megifer · 13/03/2023 16:50

I just don't generally tell others that people in my house have had the shits or a cold or whatever. It just doesn't come up in conversation Confused I wouldn't deliberately hide it because I think people would moan (although I probs will now just in case I do get moaned at for being in work when I'm fine 😬)

I know this was about ops DH situation specifically, but a lot of comnents are around people generally not going in when they have been exposed to noro. A lot of people can't wfh, or have to be in a certain number of days and get the arse if they don't meet that number. There's just simply no way some can afford to be off sick when they aren't sick, or ask to wfh if they aren't sick themselves.

Show quote history

But if they can work from home and have symptoms (key point you're missing completely from your post) no where is going to say no to that. 'Oh no come in, we'd love a bit of the shits I've been meaning to try and shift a few pounds' 🙄 but anyway I'm glad you don't work where I do.
Also I don't expect you to share that everyone at home is ill and you're fine but if you've got symptoms and you go in you're a bit of a bastard and that's the end of it. But we'll have to agree to disagree and this thread has made me realise how much I dont miss working in an office.

Megifer · 13/03/2023 17:45

ObamaLlamas · 13/03/2023 17:11

But if they can work from home and have symptoms (key point you're missing completely from your post) no where is going to say no to that. 'Oh no come in, we'd love a bit of the shits I've been meaning to try and shift a few pounds' 🙄 but anyway I'm glad you don't work where I do.
Also I don't expect you to share that everyone at home is ill and you're fine but if you've got symptoms and you go in you're a bit of a bastard and that's the end of it. But we'll have to agree to disagree and this thread has made me realise how much I dont miss working in an office.

Show quote history

What? I didnt miss it out at all, I said some workplaces have a min # days in the office required so wfh with symptoms, but totally fine, might not be ok for everyone Confused. My workplace actually does have this and the rule is if you're ok to be in work, then you come in, I don't find that particularly strange, to expect people in work if they are fine?

At any one time someone will be in work with a possible symptom of X disease....must be a lot of bastards about!

Boomboom22 · 13/03/2023 18:00

Wow so many snowflakes! Have those who say stay off although is not actually ill himself had a professional job? Only if he vomits himself should he stay off unless he wants his new team to think any vague reason and they can stay off too.

Or if the op is genuinely not capable of looking after the kids surely someone can help ie a grandparent even if he has to wait and be late in. First day of a promotion is just not ok to be off.

Boomboom22 · 13/03/2023 18:02

Also of course you can go to work with minor illnesses that mean you can still get work done. A little snuffle or a cold, sneezing etc headache or feeling sick but not throwing up, all of those you should go to work or school with. Imagine if teachers took off every day they felt like the above!

Megifer · 13/03/2023 18:16

Boomboom22 · 13/03/2023 18:02

Also of course you can go to work with minor illnesses that mean you can still get work done. A little snuffle or a cold, sneezing etc headache or feeling sick but not throwing up, all of those you should go to work or school with. Imagine if teachers took off every day they felt like the above!

I'm baffled, no ones suggesting people should go in work if they are too ill to be in the office, but this thought of staying off just in case you've got something is a new one (outside of the covid isolation rules)

So using the same 'logic' if one of my DC has d&v, and the other DC feels a bit sick (which could be due to anything like eating too many haribos or the smell of vom or alsowants48hoursoff-itis ) he should miss school in case hes got a bug too? Yea....no.....

aSofaNearYou · 13/03/2023 18:21

*I'm baffled, no ones suggesting people should go in work if they are too ill to be in the office, but this thought of staying off just in case you've got something is a new one (outside of the covid isolation rules)

So using the same 'logic' if one of my DC has d&v, and the other DC feels a bit sick (which could be due to anything like eating too many haribos or the smell of vom or alsowants48hoursoff-itis ) he should miss school in case hes got a bug too? Yea....no*

I think it kind of depends on the disposition of the person. If I felt sick after looking after someone with sickness, I'd be pretty much completely confident I was coming down with the sickness, because I'm not someone that feels sick very often. I don't just randomly feel sick, so the chances of it being something else are very slim.