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Original poster

Would your husband go to work in this situation?

208 replies

Cantcookhavetocook · 13/03/2023 04:49

I think I know the answer but just wondering really…

We’ve got a 3 month old and an almost 3-year-old. The older one had major sickness and diarrhoea on Friday night/ Saturday morning and it has now passed to me, so I started being sick and having diarrhoea last night (Sunday night) around 8pm and had my latest bout of vomiting about half an hour ago (04:00 Monday morning). The baby is EBF and having a very restless night so I’ve been up a lot with him, and changing his nappy has made me sick so I’ve had to do that into a bucket (lovely).

My husband starts a new job today, sort of within the same organisation but a promotion and a different team which he will lead. He usually WFH most days but was planning to go to site to kick things off today (Monday), leaving at 05:45 and back home around 19:00. He says he has felt queasy all night but hasn’t been sick or anything. It was also him dealing with the older one when she was poorly as I was downstairs with the baby.

It’s going to be such a hard day with both kids (we also have 2 dogs and 2 cats) but I understand he wouldn’t want to start off badly in his new role. I guess it’s just one day and the littlun was much better after about 16 hours. I am worried about symptoms starting in the baby, though, and life with two children is already tricky as among other reasons our kitchen is downstairs and bathroom
upstairs (doesn’t sound much but it is a lot of hassle up and down stairs, opening and closing baby gates, making sure the children are never left alone etc).

I am just wondering, would your husband still go out to work in this situation? I haven’t said anything but I was sort of hoping he wouldn’t- but I get why he is. Hope this makes sense!

OP posts:
MarieRoseMarie · 13/03/2023 09:30

WelHong · 13/03/2023 08:50

Prize for the most useful comment on the thread goes to...

Show quote history

Actually it was useful because the OP addressed it and admitted the pets are a huge issue and she is struggling to cope with them. I was trying to politely hint that she should thinking about rehoming - something she also admitted she was thinking about.

The reality is that the pets are a huge part of her stress and she may be able to reduce the burden of them.

Thanks anyway for playing, thread police!

FrenchieF · 13/03/2023 09:31

Yes he should go in he’s not sick .
there is a parent at home to look after children

Moveoverdarlin · 13/03/2023 09:32

My husband would go. And I would expect him to. 95 percent of us have kitchens downstairs and bathrooms upstairs (even if you had a downstairs loo, you’d probs be dealing with vomit and poo explosions in the main bathroom.)

It’s going to be a hard day, but just plough on through. Your husband needs to be on his A game today.

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 13/03/2023 09:35

Wild - there was a thread the other day where a woman was annoyed her husband had been sick on their carpet and the thread was full of 'how hard would it have been to grab a bowl for him? I would have gotten a bowl and looked after him'

This thread is full of 'power on and look after the children yourself'

WinterMusings · 13/03/2023 09:37

rainyalan · 13/03/2023 04:53

Because he starts a new job and it's just one day I'd plow through and ask family or a friend to help you out today.

And which friend/family member would you choose to spend this big around to??

aSofaNearYou · 13/03/2023 09:38

Yep that’s what I expected but needed to hear it. I am being pathetic!

You're not being pathetic OP, even if ultimately he does have to go in. It's a really toxic mentality (and common on here) that any woman who finds caring for sick children whilst sick themselves difficult and overwhelming, is pathetic. It IS hard, don't put yourself down!

Comedycook · 13/03/2023 09:39

I've been really ill with a baby and a toddler...dh went to work. I coped. It's not much fun obviously

ObamaLlamas · 13/03/2023 09:40

ZekeZeke · 13/03/2023 04:55

He shouldn't be going into work if he is feeling queasy and pass it onto other people.

Bloody selfish of him.

This! What a selfish bastard.

Zarqon · 13/03/2023 09:40

My DH would, yes. Unless he thought it was likely that he’d get D&V on the train.

Goawaypeppa · 13/03/2023 09:42

Yes he would.

We need the money, he can’t mess around with his job, we’d be fucked without it.

He had had to take time off for big things like when I’ve had to recover from surgery. But if I am ill, I just get on with it and think of the mortgage.

He would do everything else though. Everything. I just feel shit and supervise the children, lots of TV any snacks they could eat and he would take care of everything else around work.

It is really, really shit and miserable caring for children when you are ill though.

WinterMusings · 13/03/2023 09:43

MiddleParking · 13/03/2023 05:44

Both of us would go to work in his position.

@MiddleParking

...And give the bug to everyone at work. That's highly considerate of you.

@Cantcookhavetocook

Given it's a new position & been arranged in other situations (if me & kids were sick but not contagious) I'd be fine with him going in.

HOWEVER, Given he's likely to make at least some of his coworkers sick he should WFH. Rearrange for later in the week/next week for F2F.

Goawaypeppa · 13/03/2023 09:43

But he wouldn’t go to work if he was starting not to feel right too if it was a d&V bug, he’d work from home.

ActDottie · 13/03/2023 09:57

I think as it’s a new job I’d understand why he has gone into the office

RedHelenB · 13/03/2023 09:57

ObamaLlamas · 13/03/2023 09:40

This! What a selfish bastard.

Show quote history

Feeling queasy isn't enough of a reason to stay off work. Be different if he had actually been sick.

Seasonofthewitch83 · 13/03/2023 09:58

Because its an internal move, hes already known and trusted, if it was DH he would have explained that the house has norovirus and he is feeling queasy and doesn't want his first impressions to be passing a horrible sickness bug.

He would stay behind to parent the poorly children.

If he hadnt felt sick/if it was a different bug then I probably would have told him to go and just let the toddler watch tv and do nothing all day. Knowing DH, because he is considerate, he still would have left work early to come home and give me a break.

louderthan · 13/03/2023 10:04

I remember a thread where OP was starting a new job and had a severe UTI and everyone told her to go in essentially wearing a nappy...
I think he should stay home so as not to infect his new team with d&v but many people will disagree with me.

RudsyFarmer · 13/03/2023 10:04

Mine would absolutely leave me and that’s been a bone of contention in the past.

One time I couldn’t move as my side had gone into spasm and he just didn’t take me seriously. Left me looking after a toddler and newborn. Thank god my mother drove up to me and looked after the children. He was surprised when he came home as he thought I was exaggerating 🤦🏻‍♀️

We also had an emergency A&E visit with my baby he wouldn’t leave work for and left me and my child by the side of the road for 5 hours waiting for AA breakdown when he could have left work and been with us in half an hour.

So yes. I could be vomiting and shitting at the same time all night long and he’d still go to work.

LeaveThePlayer · 13/03/2023 10:08

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 13/03/2023 09:35

Wild - there was a thread the other day where a woman was annoyed her husband had been sick on their carpet and the thread was full of 'how hard would it have been to grab a bowl for him? I would have gotten a bowl and looked after him'

This thread is full of 'power on and look after the children yourself'

Yep, quite.

JupiterFortified · 13/03/2023 10:18

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/03/2023 05:46

It's his first day. Of course he should go in.

You're just going to have to battle through today. It's one day.

(Not sure why having two cats and dogs has anything to do with the situation; that's your choice!)

What an odd comment: having kids is also a choice!

The OP was obviously mentioning the cats and dogs because they also need to be fed etc. OP in the circumstances I think he should go to work.

WeWereInParis · 13/03/2023 10:23

ActDottie · 13/03/2023 09:57

I think as it’s a new job I’d understand why he has gone into the office

It's not a new company though, and he normally works from home most of the time anyway. It sounds like he just decided to go in today, which is fair enough, but it doesn't sound like it was required, or that it would cause huge problems if he wfh instead, since they know him already.

I know someone who felt really rough on their first day at a totally new company, didn't want to call in sick on their first day and then threw up all over their desk, and again in the stairwell. It was a much worse first impression than calling in sick.

HigatusFigatus · 13/03/2023 10:26

ThreeblackCats · 13/03/2023 09:30

I’d go to work if it was my first day in a new job.
I wouldn’t be impressed if someone either rang in sick or said he/she was WFH on the first day.

Depends how much he wants to keep his job I guess.

I'd be a lot less impressed if they passed norovirus onto the rest of the team on their first day.

WeWereInParis · 13/03/2023 10:27

RudsyFarmer · 13/03/2023 10:04

Mine would absolutely leave me and that’s been a bone of contention in the past.

One time I couldn’t move as my side had gone into spasm and he just didn’t take me seriously. Left me looking after a toddler and newborn. Thank god my mother drove up to me and looked after the children. He was surprised when he came home as he thought I was exaggerating 🤦🏻‍♀️

We also had an emergency A&E visit with my baby he wouldn’t leave work for and left me and my child by the side of the road for 5 hours waiting for AA breakdown when he could have left work and been with us in half an hour.

So yes. I could be vomiting and shitting at the same time all night long and he’d still go to work.

We also had an emergency A&E visit with my baby he wouldn’t leave work for and left me and my child by the side of the road for 5 hours waiting for AA breakdown when he could have left work and been with us in half an hour.

I'm not sure these are the standards we should be aiming for tbh.

CatJumperTwat · 13/03/2023 10:29

My husband starts a new job today

The vast majority of people would go to work in that situation unless there was a major emergency.

RudsyFarmer · 13/03/2023 10:33

WeWereInParis · 13/03/2023 10:27

We also had an emergency A&E visit with my baby he wouldn’t leave work for and left me and my child by the side of the road for 5 hours waiting for AA breakdown when he could have left work and been with us in half an hour.

I'm not sure these are the standards we should be aiming for tbh.

Show quote history

I agree. I still bring it up and I think he does feel shame. Luckily he’s not a complete arsehole most of the time. Plus he didn’t get the big promotion he was working towards so I think that’s made him realise work is not the be all and end all.

VapeVamp12 · 13/03/2023 10:46

Lot of work heroes on this thread. People would seriously go to work when there is D&V in their house and they themselves feel sick? Selfish.

When we've had a bug in the house, no matter how careful you are if you're dealing with vomiting children, you're so likely to pick it up.

Surely if this company have just promoted him they know he's a decent employee. I'd be so fucked off if someone came to work and made me sick.

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