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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would your husband go to work in this situation?

208 replies

Cantcookhavetocook · 13/03/2023 04:49

I think I know the answer but just wondering really…

We’ve got a 3 month old and an almost 3-year-old. The older one had major sickness and diarrhoea on Friday night/ Saturday morning and it has now passed to me, so I started being sick and having diarrhoea last night (Sunday night) around 8pm and had my latest bout of vomiting about half an hour ago (04:00 Monday morning). The baby is EBF and having a very restless night so I’ve been up a lot with him, and changing his nappy has made me sick so I’ve had to do that into a bucket (lovely).

My husband starts a new job today, sort of within the same organisation but a promotion and a different team which he will lead. He usually WFH most days but was planning to go to site to kick things off today (Monday), leaving at 05:45 and back home around 19:00. He says he has felt queasy all night but hasn’t been sick or anything. It was also him dealing with the older one when she was poorly as I was downstairs with the baby.

It’s going to be such a hard day with both kids (we also have 2 dogs and 2 cats) but I understand he wouldn’t want to start off badly in his new role. I guess it’s just one day and the littlun was much better after about 16 hours. I am worried about symptoms starting in the baby, though, and life with two children is already tricky as among other reasons our kitchen is downstairs and bathroom
upstairs (doesn’t sound much but it is a lot of hassle up and down stairs, opening and closing baby gates, making sure the children are never left alone etc).

I am just wondering, would your husband still go out to work in this situation? I haven’t said anything but I was sort of hoping he wouldn’t- but I get why he is. Hope this makes sense!

OP posts:
Megifer · 13/03/2023 07:04

Sounds tough but I'd go in and I'd expect DH to go in too. Especially first day in a new job.

pilates · 13/03/2023 07:05

Yes he would. Self employed.

Sometimes, you can imagine feeling sick when you have been in close contact with an ill person.

It is tough 💐

IDontWantToBeAPie · 13/03/2023 07:05

For his first day? Yes absolutely he'd go.

Dotcheck · 13/03/2023 07:06

rainyalan · 13/03/2023 04:53

Because he starts a new job and it's just one day I'd plow through and ask family or a friend to help you out today.

And pass it on to someone else?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 13/03/2023 07:08

IDontWantToBeAPie · 13/03/2023 07:05

For his first day? Yes absolutely he'd go.

And risk spreading it. No wonder norovirus spreads so easily. Sleighs arseholes who don't get a fuck if they're contagious and could infect others. He's feeling queasy and the whole family is sick. Such a selfish attitude.

WeWereInParis · 13/03/2023 07:08

No, he would wfh.

Going in to work when he is unwell with a vomiting bug is selfish. I know it's his first day but it's the same company and he normally wfh. I used to have a boss that came in no matter how ill he was - once he was late in because he had to keep stopping the car to vomit at the side of the road. No one was grateful he came in, everyone thought he was a dick.

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 13/03/2023 07:08

Your DH should definitely not go in! And don’t most people have kitchen downstairs & bathroom upstairs? Hope you all feel better soon OP. I have had noro & have never felt so ill in my life!

BelindaBears · 13/03/2023 07:10

He should WFH to avoid spreading the bug around.

But it should absolutely be a proper full day’s work, not a day at home helping you and doing a few emails - because it’s day 1 in a new job and would make a terrible impression if he’s seen to be not fully engaged.

MulletAndMustache · 13/03/2023 07:14

My partner would stay home. Illness doesn’t always come at a convenient time unfortunately.

I hope today isn’t too bad for you and you’re all feeling much better soon.

Totalwasteofpaper · 13/03/2023 07:16

I would ask him to stay home. He would insist on going in but get up early and do some logistical stuf to make my day easier and do full night shift when he came home

ihatewinter2 · 13/03/2023 07:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ignore this horrible person.

redskylight · 13/03/2023 07:24

I don't think he should go in as he's feeling ill.

If he wasn't, I'd say he should as it's the first day in his job, but he should walk the dogs before and after work.

Wifflywafflywoo · 13/03/2023 07:26

JunkinDonuts · 13/03/2023 04:56

Yes, but only because I'd make him go.

This for me. But its just what I'm like 🤷 everyone is different. Hope you feel better soon

HungryandIknowit · 13/03/2023 07:26

He should wfh if he feels queasy. Giving others d&v does not make a good first impression.

gogohmm · 13/03/2023 07:29

Yes of course. Lie low with the kids, give the dogs chews/garden time - sounds like he helped overnight as it is

AnonymousArabella · 13/03/2023 07:30

I’d ignore the feeling queasy part because that could just be from being around everyone who is ill. I hope for his sake he doesn’t get the actual bug during the day as that would be miserable.

My dh did actually stay off once in similar circumstances - I had food poisoning, toddler & newborn & really couldn’t look after them. However, if he’d been starting a new job that day he would have gone in. Really hope the day passes quickly for you.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/03/2023 07:31

He'd go in on the reasoning that anybody can feel queasy when there's people being sick around him. And come home if he vomits.

MulletAndMustache · 13/03/2023 07:31

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/03/2023 05:46

It's his first day. Of course he should go in.

You're just going to have to battle through today. It's one day.

(Not sure why having two cats and dogs has anything to do with the situation; that's your choice!)

Because the animals need care and attention. Dogs could do with being taken for a walk which OP won’t be able to do. And you have to be more alert when you have kids and animals, supervising them or making sure you’re keeping them apart. All harder when you feel poorly.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/03/2023 07:34

@MulletAndMustache totally agree. But one day without a walk won't kill them, they just need some time in the garden to wee and poo.

Grumpybutfunny · 13/03/2023 07:34

Yes DH would and so would I. Just go to bed with the kids and give the toddler an iPad the dogs will be fine aslong as you pop down to feed them at some point

OdeToBarney · 13/03/2023 07:34

Well if you've caught it and now he's starting to feel queasy, he's almost certainly going to start with D&V at some point today. At work. Where others will then catch it. And he has to get himself home safely, either driving or by spreading it further on public transport. How gross. I wouldn't even go into a completely new job in this situation. We are human, people get sick and employers do understand that. Sure it's annoying, but less annoying than your new boss/colleagues catching it and being furious at you when they have their head in a bucket whilst simultaneously shitting for England. Having had noro a few weeks back I have recent memories of how we all went down like dominoes, how bloody unpleasant it is, how dangerous it can be for vulnerable people and how really awful it is to be so ill when you literally have no choice but to go out. I had to take DD to the hospital due to dehydration and it was fucking awful. I would not have left the house for anything else - and didn't.

Helpmethanks · 13/03/2023 07:35

He should go in as it’s his first day; and you need to just battle through the day

Cocobutt · 13/03/2023 07:41

I think you’re being selfish.

He’s feeling queasy and he starts his new role and has been dealing with a sick child all day on top of feeling stressed about his new job.

I would be concerned for him and hoping I hadn’t spread anything to him that is going to affect his first day.
But you are just thinking about yourself which is unfair.

He shouldn’t go in if he’s ill but I would feel queasy after being around sick people all day and starting a new role as it’s often nervous queasiness.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 13/03/2023 07:43

Think what a good example he is setting his new team, that taking time off when ill is important and they need to prioritise their health, and that of co-workers (my autocorrect tried to change co-workers to colour-workers, which has a whole different meaning - glad I spotted that one!)

My husband manages a large team and knows he has to set the tone, which is staying home if unwell.

Salverus · 13/03/2023 07:46

'Setting the tone' would not be not coming in on your first day because you feel slightly queasy.